For the past 15 years of my life, creating music has been my identity. When I was in highschool I would wait in the parking lot after school and call people over to show them the new track I'd recorded the night before when I should have been studying. The reactions I'd get would be highly encouraging. Girls would look like they'd just fallen in love, guys would either seem jealous or like they wanted every song I'd ever made in their possession right then and there. And that's why I knew that this music stuff was gonna be easy. I was gonna get out of highschool, put a band together, make an album with nothing but number one hits and be rich and famous forever. But shockingly, this is not what happened. (I was as surprised as you)
What instead happened was I began working with a producer who promised me the moon, which I made him renegotiate to being a recording contract since I didn't know what I'd possibly do with the moon plus I'm pretty sure the rest of humanity needs that thing to stay where it is. After negotiating our deal the next 5 years of my life was work work work, but not on my music, on other people's music, always with the promise "this is going to get you money and teach you what you need for when we make your album". Which I believed and tried hard not to complain about.
It was around this time that (early 20's) I was introduced to the love of my life, a cold bitch named alcohol and her sister marijuana. From the moment I first experienced either (both in the same night) I was hooked. I couldn't believe people thought these things were bad, they made me see things for what they really were! Turned me into a ladies man, and most importantly, they helped me make my music! My ideas were so much better when I was buzzed in one way or another! So I began keeping both in constant supply.
Something strange started happening though. As time passed I began to care less about the music, while still convinced I was creating it better, I just didn't feel compelled to like I did in highschool, I began showing up late to my recording sessions with my producer, and resenting him for never getting around to my own project. Years passed, the drug use remained manageable but was growing in importance to me, and then one day my producer told me it was time to work on my album! Finally! I was so excited. He just needed 13 grand, which my parents provided in faith since they believe in me more than I or anyone else ever will.
A year passed, we finished the record, he successfully sucked most of the creativity out of it but I wasn't gonna complain too much, we made it in a real studio with studio musicians, and I trusted that he knew better than I what was going to sell. After the album was finished he let me know one minor detail he hadn't before, I was gonna need another 15 grand to hire a music attorney to shop this album. We didn't have it, all my parents' savings went to the album creation beforehand. I was devastated.
This took my manageable drug habit, and turned it into a full blown obsession. Long story short, I smoked and drank my life away until I got in trouble with the law and my parents discovered the secret I'd been hiding for so long (but just BARELY getting away with it) and I was sent to rehab. Now I'm not saying after rehab I was fixed, but for the sake of time let's just say I went through a relapsing period of off and on use and then one day it just happened. I looked at my life, and thought "Where's the guy who was going to be a star? Where's the musician who could impress anyone and everyone? Do I want to be a drug addict, or a musician?"
I decided to take sobriety seriously, I threw myself into youtube, got back into recording all the time, got my excitement back. But by this time, I was approaching 30. And that's when the struggle I still deal with today began. It's a daily fight to the death between my belief that I can take these talents and DO something with them, and this anxiety I feel over having pissed away a decade of my life and the age that puts me at. So what does that have to do with this blog?
This is the first time in my life that I am sober, and trying to make an album that reaches people. Radio, A&R, fans, I've hired a producer to help me fix the mixing errors I can't fix on my own. And on youtube I am now documenting the entire creation process from start to finish. On this blog I will share the videos from that channel, and also just give extra insight into the album, it's concepts, how the songs came to be, what they mean to me, and go into greater detail than I do in the videos themselves. And the best part? Not every post will be this long.
This feels like my last stand, I'm here to teach and be taught. Share and be heard, but listen as well. The music you will see me creating is not going to be what you typically hear on the radio or even from indie artists. Be it good, be it bad, be it somewhere in between, Symph Music has always been it's own thing. A cross breed of influences that are difficult to trace and define. So I hope you'll join me in this expedition, and I thank you for reading.