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  2. Wow, love the strong confident singing. Very cool video too. My only suggestion would be for the next video, maybe instead of filming yourself at your computer chair, throw up a green screen behind you, that way you have a lot more options what you can use as a background.
  3. Thanks for your thoughts, Chumpy. I appreciate it.
  4. Today
  5. One of the things folks over at SongFight do for the holidays is a side-fight called the "Gift of Music" where it's sorta like a secret santa gift exchange, but with covers. You write down 4 songs that you'd like to receive a cover of as a gift, it gets put into a hat, and each participant draws from the hat. Of the four songs we received, we chose to cover Sweet's Fox On The Run. We worked on this song for what seemed like a month. I got really tired of singing the original somewhat misogynistic lyrics, so I *cough* altered them slightly. I hope ya like it!
  6. I don't think your post has enough tags. Good stuff. Nice performance, great singing and solid guitar playing. My only nitpick is that you didn't vary your right hand guitar picking style until they very end. I think you should change up the strum pattern on the choruses, or do something so the guitar part isn't so samey throughout the song.
  7. Have to agree with Tom. This reads like a journal entry, or a letter you'll never send. I'm sure the emotions are real, but I don't think you've made a lyric of it yet. keep working at it tho MP
  8. My honest opinion is that it reads like an immature rant, not a lyric. It's not nearly long enough to be a legitimate lyric It's lacks any discernible structure If there's a rhyme scheme I'm not seeing it The meter's all over the place I'm sure you were sincere in writing it, but trust its' current form, it's not a lyric. If you're unsure what terms like "structure", "meter" & "rhyme scheme" refer to, that'd be a good place to start. It never hurts to do some reading about a subject before attempting to create one of your own. Hope this helps in some way. Tom
  9. Don't you f*cking dare let me down That's what I said on the night I gave you your last chance. I sat on your bed til 4:30 in the morning Praying for things to be different after I left Maybe there was a chance that all the time spent wouldn't be wasted How am I supposed to move on without getting the closure that I deserve I'm afraid to be happy because you could change your mind What if someone else will love me like you don't You only care about me when I'm sitting next to you You only talk to me when you need someone to complain about your life to You never loved me and you lied when you said you did I was in denial and I believed your dishonest promises
  10. Hey Guys! Please give me some feedback on this cover I just created! If you like it please subscribe =D
  11. I really like that audible sigh right at 0:32 before the vocals come in, sets the tone. I think using it again at 1:39 cheapens it, now it's more like something you're trying to do, rather than a natural recording artifact. I'd try a different vocal effect on the 'I' on 'I can't outrun the swarm', the hash robotic edge of it sounds a bit silly to me. I prefer the deeper more somber vocal tone you have on the first verse, but abandon in favor of your higher register on the second verse. I'd stay low and somber on both verses, reserving your upper register for the chorus, or maybe for occasional emphasis on a verse line.
  12. I agree with a lot of other commenters here that the verses are really strong but the chorus falls flat. For me, it's the vocal melody of the chorus -- it just doesn't grab me. In particular the notes sung on 'look we have' and 'touch we take' are unsatisfying. For important song lines, they melodically and emotionally need something better, although it's hard for me to put my finger on what that should be.
  13. Six posts, none of them commenting on anyone else's work. I'll pass.
  14. Welcome! I'm Dan.
  15. no love?
  16. Thanks Mcp, although the chorus is a total re-do from the previous one, I don't think I kept anything. The original had the same staccato piano as the verses and a different higher piano range bit. This has about 5 different chords going on and a higher range where I play down on the whole of a scale or so. I tried a few different parts for the chorus to change it up from the way I originally had it, which to be honest, didn't vary much and was too much like the verse. This is the only thing that I have done, that I felt changed it up enough and that I liked. It gives a different feel to the song now, but still maintains what I first felt when I wrote it. I think the chorus needs something extra to make it gel with the verse/bridge parts and will keep looking at that. I am not leaving this song until I get it right and finished. So I can't start anything new till I get this done While I was trying to come up with something for this, I did re-work another older track from scratch, which I will post at some point soon, but this is the main one to get right, so I appreciate any and all critique to help.
  17. There are about 1,000 lyricists per musician, I believe. You can simply have a look and choose ;-) I published a few references the other day (unfortunately, many possible references are blocked because the songs are being exploited commercially): all these lyrics have been written to the music of my respective partners. Cheers, Bernd
  18. McP this is great! You have a really good voice. I can almost here a sustained (in the background) harmonica in my head as I listened and possibly some mandolin. Really like this tune, I think it just needs some added instruments and you're good to go. Nice work
  19. But, then again, I don't have to have harmony at the end of the first chorus - and can save the full two-part harmony for the next one, and try three-part for the final one.
  20. Yeah - it probably won't work - I'm thinking the range may be wrong for an up the octave vocal - but you never know. I just felt that the vocal didn't keep up with the ballsy arranging there because it's in a lower register.
  21. Mark, Tom, James, thanks guys. Mark. I'll try the octave split for the first chorus. But, I'm anticipating I may not like it, because I like how I go up with both vocal tracks at the end for harmony. There's no way I can still go up in harmony at the end with both tracks if I'm starting one track an octave up to begin with. But, maybe I will like it with just the lower track going up. I'll see. If I split octaves, I'll probably also lose some of the "Bowie" vibe others hear. But, that's fine by me.
  22. I agree, great start and I'm liking the song, yet it may be a little hot on the mix like someone mentioned. With headphones it is a tad distorted, and I want to crank the tune because its cool, but can't. My vote is for the vocals to come out front more also, just enough to be distinct but not way out front. Good tune just coming out of the gate, I'm looking forward to hearing it progress. Nice one!
  23. Thanks for the listen Ken. Clayton came out of nowhere, and I haven't even got to talk to him yet. Walt had worked with him and he uploaded this idea to our group project. Walt PM'ed me about it, and I was pleasantly surprised with the result myself. Guys got talent. Now I feel I have to get on better vocals. Hopefully David and the other guys can throw out suggestions on the mix. Appreciate your time man, and glad ya liked it....Oh you said something about Bass and I noticed I forgot to put George Schiessl as bass in credits. I work with him a lot.
  24. Good jam David! This is cool and unique. I myself, like the idea behind the phrasing of "General Population" and although I have no problem with it, I thought a vocal lift at the end of "population" would make it sound cooler and give it even more distinction, but that could just be a preference. Some said something about Bowie, and that's what comes to mind for me in the style and vocal. Great start man.
  25. The Way She Smiles - Listen at - I never Saw her eyes If I would have I would have seen through the lies She never let me in If she would have She would have Thought less to sin Chorus I really love the way she smiles I really need the way it makes me feel inside I'm gonna miss the way she smiles I'm gonna miss the things she never had to hide, the good times So many times I tried Tried to reach out To a love that must of died So tender is the pain When you love her And you find your loves in vain Repeat Chorus So many ways she delights me So many ways she excites me But I can't ignore the rain
  26. I'd trade my soul for a pardon - perfect i like the shorter intro please don't change the hive section, that's sitting really nicely to my ear
  27. i like your vocal tone and I do sense a deeper emotional effort on your part, those were nice adjustments and do go deeper than the original version. I hear where you adjusted the melody in the chorus slightly, but I'm still not feeling it like I do in the verses and bridge, which I like very much.
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