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  1. Past hour
  2. Deb, I'd to remove your referral links that you'd inserted. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Cheers, Mahesh
  3. Dance Week - Groove Spoon
  4. This one is from last years 50-90 song challenge, it was done free form that being I played and sang and then wrote it down but only did one verse and the chorus, then wrote the second verse and the recording is this one take draft - it is sounding a little different but essentially the same with the new lines being almost prechorus --- This is the original lyric and draft record - Lord V1.0 RogersonLB When I was a child wasn't scared of the dark Just the things it could hide Pull up the blankets and hope and pray in the morning I'd still be alive seems your always scared about what you don’t know Chorus Lord I'm frightened Lord I'm frightened Lord of what my future holds Because Lord I'm frightened As I lean on this cold bluestone wall As the light shines through dark steel bars Can hear the click of boots on steel and concrete as the jailers are doing their rounds what tomorrow brings one thing I sure know Chorus Lord I'm frightened Lord I'm frightened Lord of what my future holds Because Lord I'm frightened Sure things have not worked out way I thought they would I know I aint been too good and when the floor falls away I'll hang... by my neck Chorus Lord I'm frightened Lord I'm frightened Lord of what my future holds Because Lord I'm frightened Lord I hope you can take my soul back into your fold
  5. Wow.. 1 million people? You're a star Yes, this sounds version a lot neater in terms of blending. I can sort of imagine a little adlib like "do do do" in parts of that musical stretch between your second and final chorus.. just to add to that funkiness...
  6. Today
  7. Hobo, can you please comment on my poems? I didn't post them all on the same day
  8. Good writing going on here, good strong story but then a few little disconnections too- 1. You already established the poor part, so when it hit the first line in the chorus, ... Maybe - Some folks don't get no hand ups - folks like us we got no hand ups (Hand ups isn't a term I am familiar with by the way but understand what you are saying) 2. Line 4 in V2, practiced ? tough to sing and sort of a stunted word, maybe- shut the door and play and write songs again in V3 L1, suggest alone the lines of soon enough got to get up my own sound people seemed to like the tunes I sung Line 3 &4 V3 are repeating the last two lines of V2 and may even suggest going in with a half verse as above - reading it in now it works for me Just opinions neither write nor wrong! Arty
  9. nice work to include the references, job well done
  10. Like the macabre writes, this one is extreme! More in Blupa's court though re taking it to the next level and putting melody to it
  11. Liked, the idea is novel, if taking it to 'Nashville' may suggest the following cull - just a bit too long for mine Big Old Cowboy Boot: V1 My sexy signorina From the sultry streets of Rome Said she loved my Country music They don't get it back at home V2 So we came to the decision That my band should take a tour Go show what they'd been missing And we couldn’t have asked for more (Ch) We got tons of adulation Man it really was a hoot Now Italians think of their nation As a big old cowboy boot V3 We played Honky Tonk and Bluegrass From Milan down to the heel Gave 'em slide guitar and banjos With a missionary zeal (Ch) We got tons of adulation Man it really was a hoot Now Italians think of their nation As a big old cowboy boot Bridge Now every gondolier boating up there in Venice Wants a rhinestone studded pole to follow suit (Ch) We got tons of adulation Man it really was a hoot Now Italians think of their nation As a big old cowboy boot
  12. Made an edit to a couple of places Before it ends V1.0 RogersonLB V1 Trusts more important than lust Somehow this all got so lost. With her Making up lies to hide a ghost Chorus New serenade begins Starting with the squeal of a violin Seems lost souls in love got trapped in the sights Denying lying its not like you think In the moment before it ends New serenade begins Starts with the squeal of a violin In the moment before it ends V2 Forged steel and feeling of strength Knowing insides a piece of lead Ready to spew out fresh death Chorus New serenade begins Starting with the squeal of a violin Seems lost souls in love got trapped in the sights Denying lying its not like you think In the moment before it ends New serenade begins Starts with the squeal of a violin In the moment before it ends Bridge The shot tears then screams Wet mascara trembling red painted lips Chorus New serenade begins Starting with the squeal of a violin Seems lost souls in love got trapped in the sights Denying lying its not like you think In the moment before it ends New serenade begins Starts with the squeal of a violin In the moment before it ends
  13. Thanks Philjo for taking the time to read and review, most certainly is a revenge epic, know i put in a reference to HER making the protagonist most likely male, but it could be HE which gives a nice twist to the bridge as it is her with the trembling lips holding the gun! re the bridge, it was deliberate to not Rhyme to bring a sense of disparity to the action Thanks again Arty
  14. Sorry to hear re the stroke, hope it goes well for you, just noticed in your profile you don't want critique - oppps, it wont happen again lol re rhymes matching I did not understand the context of 'I' being end perfect rhyme and for me music doesn't die, it is one of the few things in life that is not disposable, as with art it is made for prosperity, so therefore if love is music, it to goes on forever.
  15. Absolutely...when I constructed mine, I was simply winging it. Honestly, call & response vocals can take many forms, but proper notation of them...I just did what made sense to me. As far as the type of call & response she's describing, yes...chances are she's talking about something closer to what I used in "Fool Me Once" or "Too Small To Save", where the secondary vocal is almost a mimic of the primary. "Fool Me Once" uses variations on that theme, but "Too Small To Save" is strictly a reiteration of the hook. Like I said....many different forms of this concept. She's the only one who can truly know what she's attempting to describe. I just tried to give her a starting point. Tom
  16. I dunno, Tom. Call and response vocals happen at different times. I think she's talking about a second vocal arrangement as backing vocals (which is what I would call it/them) which sing something different from the lead, but overlap the lead vocal, at least partially. When I "publish" a lyric by posting it along with the track say, on Soundcloud, I just display the words without any further labels. I mean, they can listen to what's what. But, to convey further information for purposes of review of just the lyric on a forum like this, you could do this. Say it's the chorus: Chorus (w/ backing vocals) <- indicates the backing vocals will be in parentheses (blah blah blah) indicates a backing vocal that starts before the lead scooby dooby doo - indicates the lead vocal (nah nah nah) - another backing vocal starting after the lead oompa oompa - lead la la la la - lead uh-huh-uh-huh (aaaaaaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaah) - backing vocal sings mostly with the lead
  17. I had the lyrics for Sunday Christian saved in my documents files...copied the ending in below, so you could see how I set it up. As I indicated earlier, this is another type of call & response, introducing new lyrical lines each time, rather than simply repeating (re-enforcing) key words or phrases. - Primary Vocal - Secondary Vocal Sunday...one day Christian Could be you or me Repeat Harsh reality Repeat Hope to God we see Repeat Life as it could be Copyright 2007 - Tom Hoffman
  18. https://soundcloud.com/hobosage/holly-shirin/s-3ePWN
  19. I just have a minute, but I ran across your question. Sounds like you're describing what's often referred to as a "call & response" vocal. I have used the format several times in my writing. One which comes immediately to mind is a tune called "Fool Me Once". Unfortunately, I don't have a snippet of just the call & response section, but you're welcome to access this article which talks about its' use & also includes a link to the video version containing the entire song. If I recall correctly, it's only used in the chorus sections. Here's the article link - I also used it for the ending of a song called "Sunday Christian" which can be found on my Tom Hoffman YouTube channel. A slightly different variety of the format was used there. Best thing I can suggest is to check them out, verify it's the type of thing you're talking about & go from there. As far proper ways to notate it, I'm not sure if there are any established methods. If I recall, when I listed the lyric in that Story of the Song article, I omitted the "response lyric". When I make an actual text record of them for myself, I typically split that section of the lyric into 2 columns. In one column I list the primary lyric, in the 2nd (right-hand side of page) I list the response. Hope this helps...gotta go! Tom
  20. Not something I've learned to cook, cause no one else in my household would eat it because of the veggies, but I like a broccoli and ham quiche a friend of mine made. It was goooo-oood! It had more in it for veggies, but hard to remember what now. Also, I like my eggs to be baked in a cheesecake (which I'm not supposed to have) with coffee (which I'm not supposed to have). An occasional cheat with lots of lactaid and decaf.
  21. Got a question..a few actually.... when you have one vocal going--the main/lead vocal and then WHILE that main vocal is singing the main theme, a support vocal is introduced highlighting certain words or carrying a separate chorus as a support, what do you call that? AND how do you notate that in lyric form so it's understood that they are being sung at the same time and how do you notate when it's introduced within the main lyric lines?
  22. Yesterday
  23. Different taste perhaps. But as I said before, the string chug chug chug creates tension...and so the chorus should be release. The chorus you currently have just adds some wierdness, and maybe more tension. I think if the overall sound was much stranger, and darker, then it might work...and the 'itsy bitsy' might...I mean if it sounded like Bauhaus or something then you could plod on without any chorus at all, and mumble nursery rhymes, but since the sound isn't very dark, and more importantly isn't really atmospheric... then I feel like the song should go where it promises to go, to a release/lift, and I feel like the itsy bitsy isn't working...but also... I think the melody in the new part isn't very engaging, and the 'itsy bitsy' doesn't compliment it. Just an opinion... but I think the verses are nice, and if you open it up with a big epic chorus it'll be good...but otherwise I'd agree that you've changed the feel, and I don't think for the better. Hope the opinion is useful anyway. Edit... When I say the chorus is 'weird', I don't mean the 'itsy bitsy' lyric is weird...to me it doesn't come across as strange or twisted...but I meant the chorus is weird because it doesn't feel like a chorus and isn't as melodic as the rest of the song. If it was weird in a dark twisted way then I'd like it a lot.
  24. 'That's my plan, but I might have to bribe my daughters to sing this on one of my songs, as they hate everything I do hmnnn, I hear it as a chorus, probably because I hear the song as a kind of disturbed feeling..... and I really like the itsy-bitsy spider bit, I felt it added to that disturbed feeling, which is why I went with the nursery rhyme at the beginning. I feel like I've gone and changed the song's all over feel now. Might have to give it a couple of days and see how I feel about the new parts. I need to record the vocal again though as it's picking up everything on the microphone!!!
  25. Aw. You poor baby. Should I cue the violins? You might want to consider the initial impression you're making - at least on me. Aside from whining for attention like a child, you do so while unfairly condemning the site, and your complaint is bullshit to begin with. That people are reading your posted poems is confirmed by the healthy number of views you have received - views reflect that, not comments. And, it's not surprising you have plenty of views, because you've taken over the top six spots on that board - partly due to your poor forum etiquette, selfishly posting four - FOUR - poems the same day - June 2. The truth is, I knew you were new here, and I was going to read and comment on your work until I saw that you posted four the same day. Then, I decided not to, and I sure won't be reconsidering that decision now.
  26. Have a child do the itsy bitsy intro... otherwise I'm not sure I could like that bit. The new part sounds like a bridge, and I like the chords for a bridge...but not for a chorus... because it's a detour, on a weird downer, rather than a chorus type progression and melody. I don't like the 'itsy bitsy' lyric. I still think you need a chorus but I think keep the new bit as a bridge (just once) and for my taste...lose the itsy bitsy stuff.
  27. If you are going to make this into a real song, I don't think the simplicity/repetitiveness would be much of a problem - however, the length might have to be shortened. But still, I think it's a strong instrumental piece. Good quality production, btw. I hope you keep getting better at working with Ableton Live. Good stuff!
  28. Hi all, decided to give this one another go and see if I could add something. I redid the vocals and seem to have a bit of interference in the background that I don't hear in Logic through my headphones, but I can when I listen back on my iPhone. So please ignore that and I'll fix when I record the vocals again. The vocals are still a temp to get a feel for the new parts added. Let me know what you think, especially if you think I have ruined the track with the new parts I quite like the new parts, but then I would https://soundcloud.com/moodman-1/talking-to-spiders-25062017-2249/s-ytgBN TALKING TO SPIDERS (music and words by Richard Tracey) "The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the water spout Down came the rain and washed the spider out Out came the sun and dried up all the rain The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout again" - anonymous This Is the place Where you fear to go A no man's land You must Try again To fight through this I know you can win Hide In your cave From the rest of the world Be all alone Are you Talking to spiders Or are you Going out of your mind There's an itsy-bitsy spider Crawling around in your head What does he say to you Why is your life so cruel How Many times Must you lose To pick yourself up You must Try and try again To be the best That you can become There's an itsy-bitsy spider Crawling around in your head What does he say to you Why is your life so cruel
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