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Showing most liked content on 11/07/2016 in all areas

  1. 2 points
    Hello, I'm David; I'm new here, but saw your post, and I wanted to comment on it. I tend to write things that are darker as you just wrote, so it piqued my curiosity. It's hard to critique other's work as there are many variables to consider, but I will try. First let me say that I like what you have written, but maybe it could flow better. I believe as much as songs need to rhyme, they also need to flow. I like verse 1, but maybe change line 2 from: It's daddy saying come on girl, you gotta hurry. TO: It's daddy saying, girl you gotta hurry. It fits better with the other measures. Verse 2, line 3 you wrote: that she could talk to Maybe complete it better by writing: that she could talk and relate to. Line 5 maybe use the singular verb doesn't in stead of don't since your subject is singular and doesn't fits better in the measure anyway. The chorus, it's more of a flow problem. It's great until the 6th line you wrote: It's not a job any child should have to do. That's a little cumbersome. Why not say: It's not a job a child should do. The last 2 lines of the chorus is hard for me to respond to because I'm not sure of the tempo . This is a lot longer than I had planned. I apologize if I offended you in any way.
  2. 1 point
    Hello, I seem to have done some sort of shoe-gaze-folk-thing. I'm really tired, ears worn out... I've tried to do some sort of construction and mix... No idea whether it's any good. Any feedback will be appreciated. New Mix - https://soundcloud.com/monostone-1/edge-of-alderley Words - Out on Alderley Blazing in the sun Hoping on the stone On the edge of our lives High on scenery Over everyone Never getting old Screaming this land is mine Look out They’re all clawing to Cope now They’ll come crawling to Drag you down Out there That’s the future The sun glares On the rooftops And drags you down We were innocent Short of evidence Northern valiants Every one a golden flame Making our way To the sanctuary Edge of Alderley wait Look out They’re all clawing to Cope now They’ll come crawling to Drag you down Out there That’s the future The sun glares On the rooftops And drags you down
  3. 1 point
    I'm not far off my 5 year anniversary of my first landing here
  4. 1 point
    ...another from my youth. Remember The Future / Nektar
  5. 1 point
    I've read all the replies so there's not much for me to say, except I like this a lot! Even what you have now is well done, although Gary has some good points. I've been missing out since I've been away, this a heckuva write. Getting lost in wishful dreams Distracted by my lust for love Tucked away in a dresser drawer The ring I’ll never speak of It seems I’m dreamin Love this section.....Nice!
  6. 1 point
    Thank you Janeva, I'm glad you liked it. I didn't do much but write the words, everyone else made it what it is, but thanks for the compliment on the lyric and the song.