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  1. 2 likes
    I know. You're shocked to discover that I'm so unsofistikated. I am making progress though. I have actual wine glasses now. I cant remember the last time I necked straight from the bottle.
  2. 2 likes
    Hi I think this is pretty good. I like the brevity of the chorus and the way it rhymes with the refrain. When tuning it there is the option of repeating that line if it works for the chorus. There are some good wind images in there. I did notice a couple of off message images like magnetism, and I did think you could be pulled in by wind related forces such as a vortex, the other one was laser. cheers Gary
  3. 2 likes
    Thanks for all the responses!! I'm mostly gonna watch you guys hammer it out, as you're generally more up to speed on this than I am. But a couple things do cross my mind.... The problem of begging money for luxuries may be self-solving: most donors wouldn't donate to that anyway. Whether a high nose : signal ratio has caused a mass exodus from those sites is another thing I have no idea about. As to personal causes, I doubt it matters whether it's personal to the beggar, but whether it's personal to the donor in some way. That's just human nature, it's how charity works, and it's how business works. On age: RAMMS+EIN were all mid-30s to early 40s when they started out. Plus middle-agers today do buy new music. Being middle-aged still won't help, but it does offer a peer-audience which is more affluent than teens. Age as a sole (or even a major) viability criterion is the old-school obsolete big-label teens-only rip-off-the-naive-kids biz. It's not so much that biz anymore. On that "note", wouldn't it be great if Patreon and SellABand, et al, became the replacement for those old talent scouts and development deals from the big labels? (Just as iTunes et al have become distro sites.) It seems they'd be "art for the people, chosen by the people". No middlemen. No bean-counters.
  4. 1 like
    I'm Patty Lakamp and am so glad to have found SongStuff! I have always loved writing ANYTHING. I was an advertising copywriter for half of my working years (the other half was in the arcane world of municipal bonds—go figure!) Now in retirement, I’ve discovered lyric writing. I’ve only been doing this for about 6 months, but have entered my lyrics in some national contests and so far have won Two Honorable Mentions, which were real morale boosts. I want to get better and better, and have my songs produced. I would love to collaborate with a musician to make a complete product. I hope to contribute to SongStuff by critiquing lyrics responsibly and helpfully, and I will submit my lyrics for your comments, too. I’m particularly interested in songs about women, for women. Influences are Carly Simon, Streisand, The Beatles, Gordon Lightfoot, John Denver. Some might say “old;” I prefer “classic.”
  5. 1 like
    One thing to bear in mind about copyright – if you intend to sell your material – is that they're going to ask you for the US Copyright registration number, and they're gonna check it. Your copyright registration is like the certificate-of-title for a car: independently-verifiable proof that you [say that you] own it, and that you therefore have the right to license it. Companies ordinarily won't consider material – won't even let it cross their doorstep – unless you have this. (Lawyers call it, "due diligence.") No one who's in the business of selling music is going to get near the idea of "contributory infringement," so you have to have your ducks in a row. You can register any number of works at one time as a so-called "collection" for one $35 fee. (The notion of a "collection" is simply for copyright-office practicality: the registration applies equally and individually to every work included in it.) Furthermore, the registration takes legal effect immediately. (A printout or a PDF of the web-page showing the registration number will be sufficient: you don't have to wait – sometimes, many weeks – for the pretty piece of paper to show up in your snail-mail box.) http://copyright.gov is the official web site and it is filled with authoritative information.
  6. 1 like
    Hi, Nousevas. Welcome to the site. Basing my critique strictly on the criteria of the challenge, you have the hook but not the meaning of earth as an element. I think if you start with what the earth symbolizes for you, you might find ways to work it into the existing story line of your lyrics. For example, the earth is often associated with nurturing or being grounded. In your story it sounds like the singer is grounded but the love interest may not be, so you could play up the earth imagery in how the singer describes himself. You are currently using everyday language but you could make the language more lyrical by adding more earth imagery relating to wanting to nurture or keep the relationship on firm ground, etc. Hope this is helpful. ~T
  7. 1 like
    Thank you Steve. Richard this might be fun. I'll try and get you some more info soon. Thanks!
  8. 1 like
    Thank you so much for the in depth critique. You have given me a lot to think about. I will look into everything you said to improve the lyric, there is a lot to take in. I wish I had your knowledge. Ahhh one day lol.....until then I appreciate you all here. 🦋
  9. 1 like
    Like the vocals, here! Nice song, man. Not too crazy with the drum percussion. Strong melody and the lyric is pretty good. I'd say you are well on your way to a very good song! good luck, and Good stuff! -Tom
  10. 1 like
    Hey there Richard..........sorry for being away for such a long time. I do have some thoughts on a bigger production.....second guitar, harmonica, etc... Hey, thanks for listening!! And thanks to all who have listened! -Tom
  11. 1 like
    Hi the opening verse which also closes the song, book ending it is very good. The reason being is that every line supports the idea of the wind theme. The supportive lines drop drop off as you do your story telling although each verse contains at least one wind statement. story wise it has a beginning a middle and an end, it's well paced. On a technical level i am I am questioning the choice of rhyme scheme and type. The internal structure of the verses. its a stable AABB scheme with for the most part perfect rhymes. The issue here is twofold (1) it's a very stable structure, the story is of loss an unstable emotion. This gives you an issue of prosody. (2) A story song like this needs to be probably a slow tempo ballad. The movement of aabb iss AA stop BB stop. In other words the forward motion in your song comes to a full halt every two lines, the perfect rhymes accentuate this effect. So if this is put to music it will drag like a slow dirge and sound far slower than it is, if it's speeded up to compensate the story will get lost. In addition because of point 1 the prosody issue it's going to sound not believable or convincing. my instinct tells me the bookend verse should remain the same as it is, even though the issues pointed out above exist in this. On reflection I understand why my gut tells me that. It is great technique to create an expectation then dash it. It draws attention to the point where that happens. So in the beginning what you have creates an impression that this will be a nice feel good love song with nice images. Which is not what happens. May the end of the song if it remains as it is it is going to create a sub text in the listeners head, that even though all this tragedy has happened he has in some way come to terms with it. Manipulating the punters emotions is where it's at. to achieve that, all that is in the middle of those bookends needs to be written unstable. That is an odd number of lines odd line lengths less rhymes less stable rhyme types try to minimise perfect rhymes. what is then going to happen is there will be a melody variation between the opening and closing and middle and even though the song is a constant beat it will appear to start slow speed up then slow down at the end. Which adds contrast, tension is created by the middle section and is released in the last stable verse. So it will feel complete. If anything I've said is confusing you please ask because there is a lot to know. Maybe there is an article about stable unstable on here somewhere. John may know. It's about tone of voice the level of the stability sets the the tone of voice for the song. Cheers Gary
  12. 1 like
    Hi PP, I reallyyy like your write. Then read Gary's comments and think how powerful the wind can be. Peggy
  13. 1 like
    I've been kicking this thought around too Steve. The manufacturers dish out some pretty bad stuff at lower price points. How many people buy those 5$ headphones at 5 Below? ( it's a chain here in the states). I dare say most parents are buying that for their kids and most college students are buying that because they are on a budget and the goal is to hear music in your ears..not much more thought goes into it. The manufacturers give us tone controls as a pacifier to make us feel like we have total control of the sound. Add to this the mp3 and what we have now is probably much worse than what we had 30 years ago. High quality can still be had, but at a price not many want to pay. I compare it to my recent coffee roasting venture. I can go buy 1lb of no name coffee at the store for 4.00. For some people that's good enough. If you drink the really good stuff you'll know there is a huge difference. The cheap coffee was sourced from the lowest quality beans coming from the worst growing areas and the worst strains of coffee bushes. I seek out green beans imported from the very best areas and the very best strains and hybrid plants, grown organically with no chemicals. I then roast it to the exact best flavor. You simply won't get a better cup of coffee or espresso, especially if you buy it fresh roasted, grind the beans and make it right away. Yet how many coffee drinkers will go to a micro roaster and buy that coffee? As a percentage, very few will. The chain store price on average 4.99-7.99 for 1 lb. The micro roaster price on average 12.00-15.00 for 12 ounces or less. I don't see the venture being profitable long term unless I cater to a select group of buyer and advertise that I'm there. I see the music/audio industry as being very similar. The consumer has been conditioned to think of music as a thing they can get for cheap or free both in terms of the music and the gear used to play it. How can we add more value to music? The best we can do is make good music and mix it to sound the best it can sound on those cheap inexpensive consumer systems. What the consumer thinks really doesn't change the heart of a true musician. They will still make music because they like to make music. The rest of it could go to hell and they will be sitting somewhere with a guitar making music. So we have the problems, what are the answers? Someone had to work hard to make pretty much everything we enjoy possible, yet we seldom acknowledge it. This is a good time for a plug for John and SS...if you can contribute please do so. It takes a lot of effort and time to keep a website alive. I can tell you as a website owner it isn't a cash cow, far from it.
  14. 1 like
    And longer !!!! I aged reading that
  15. 1 like
    Truer words were never spoken, my friend. I dunno. How many people are citizens of, or even just live in the US, to offer one example. 300 million or so? How many do you have to have your music appeal to in order to achieve a successful outcome? Let's relate it to total number of downloads of a song you make, at $1.00 a download. 10,000 downloads...? (you make $10,000.00! Personally, I would make songs all day for ten grand each in income!)... that's exactly ONE in every THIRTY THOUSAND people, and that's JUST in the US. Plenty of room for only ONE in TEN THOUSAND (better odds by far) to like your song enough to pay a buck for it, and for you to still stand a significant statistical chance of success. When you consider it in this light, Steve, it may actually be the case that far fewer than two people in ten thousand share the same experience when listening to a given song.