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Kel last won the day on May 31 2015

Kel had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

187 Amazing

About Kel

  • Rank
    If only I could play as well as I hear!
  • Birthday 01/07/1960

Profile Information

  • Gender
  • Location
  • Interests
    Mainly musically oriented stuff, like playing, listening and writing...

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    Have some demos ready to pitch...
  • Musical Influences
    Kris Kristofferson, Willie Nelson, Steve Ripley, Johnny Cash, Jim Steinman, Joy McKean, Lee Kernaghan, Sam Cooke, Carole King, Jimmy Web, Steve Dorff, Rod Stewart, Jimmy Web


  • Songwriting Collaboration

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  • Getting Critique
    Any and All

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. That ranks right up there with "Obli di, obla da..." and "Da do run run run, da do run run"
  2. Sign me up for a class from Gary please! Always good stuff. Kel
  3. It's an interesting take on the subject, Les. Usually we as the songwriters need to make sure we provide all the answers to the questions, but here you are asking them instead. I have to put my commercial hat on, as usual, and wonder who (artist wise) these days would choose to put themselves in the victim mentality and sing the song as it is. Can't think of anybody. Could be a simple change of instead of the chorus asking why, the chorus asks who... Make it sassy rather than pleading... Who the hell do you think YOU are, mister! Have to agree with Lisa about the grammar too. Unless the singer is a child and you want it to be cute... Nice project. Cheers, Kel
  4. Hi BD, I've read this twice now, and still have no idea what it is about. I'm guessing from your intro that you will be performing this yourself, so you won't have to worry about getting it published or picked up by an "artist". Singer songwriters can indulge themselves with "art" that is an expression of themselves, however in the main, songs that become hits are simple things, with a clear beginning, middle and end, that a listener can relate to. Your use of the first person pronouns "you" and "I" indicate you are trying to include your listener, invite us in to what you are saying, but in my opinion, you are telling me about you. As a listener I don't care about the struggles you are facing, the trials you endure or how you cope with life in general. I care about me. What does your story tell me about me? What does it mean to me? Why should I care? How can I relate to it? From a technical aspect, your rhyming scheme is inconsistent. First verse: AABBA CDCDEEE Chorus 1: AAAA Second verse: AABBA CCCDEEF Chorus 2: AABC Bridge: ABCDEFGG HIJKLMOO One way of drawing a listener in is for us to present a song in a way the listener expects, and what you set up in your first verse, is what they will expect in subsequent verses. You've almost got that, until you get to what you call the bridge, but reads just like another verse, without any rhyming at all until the last few words. I don't get the second chorus at all. The point of a chorus is to ram home your most important message. Why change it? I don't mean to sound overly critical, and this is just my opinion, but what works in a poem, doesn't necessarily translate to a song. I'd suggest simplifying your story and inviting the listener in with something they can relate to. Cheers, Kel
  5. Hi Peggy, I see what you mean... lol I also don't like using "that" when referring to a person, and I thought I needed to maintain the "ee" sound but I'm not so sure now. What did you think of the alternate I've written at the second verse using her/deserve? Thanks, Kel
  6. Yeah... I sing it, just didn't write it! Doh!
  7. Hi Les, Bro! I have actually changed line 3 to "might" since recording the demo. Great minds think alike! Jury is still out on the boots for me too. I use "could" because I used "might" more recently (line 3)... Still on that line, it is an important part of the advice being given that if he doesn't look after the lady all the could/might/may events WILL happen, but thanks for the thought. No one to stop her ... the meaning doesn't change, so will think hard on this one. Choice! Kel
  8. I Peggy, I think your chorus is letting this down some. The best/rest rhyme is too cliche and doesn't really tell us anything (IMO). You've used the title well, being in the opening line of the chorus, and I think it would hit home nice and hard to repeat it, maybe in the last line. A more sophisticated chorus will really help. I love the title. It's thought provoking and will be sure to grab attention. Cheers, Kel
  9. Oops... pardon me! Kel
  10. Howdy, I've put a link to my own rough demo, however, it's the lyrics I'm after a review on please. Thanks, No One Can Stop Her I noticed your ride Isn't parked in her drive As often as it used to be. If I can be bold And the truth be told You might as well just set her free... With a lady like that You don't wanna lose track Of what’s needed to meet all her needs... She could walk away Or just let go She may find another man around town Let her affection stray And her attention stay On another guy who won't let her down You can bet your boots all this will come true / You can bet her heart all this will come true And there's no one can stop her from drifting away, There's no-one can stop her but you. So dust off your hat And smarten your act Or you’ll be back and wondering why. Your love was so strong! Where did it go wrong? How could you let love wither and die? With a lady like that / With a lady like her You don't wanna lose track / You really need to be sure Of what’s needed to keep her close by… / You're giving everything she deserves... She could walk away Or just let go She may find another man around town Let her affection stray And her attention stay On another guy who won't let her down You can bet your boots all this will come true / You can bet her heart all this will come true And there's no one can stop her from drifting away, There's no-one can stop her but you. (repeat chorus) https://soundcloud.com/kelabbmusic/rough-demo-2 Edit: added alternate pre-chorus for V2
  11. Hi James, I love the concept. There are a couple of things I picked up on... I felt the chorus felt a bit too much like the verse... didn't even realise it was the chorus at first. Now don't get me wrong, the chorus is great. This could be overcome with melody, but it's something to think about. I also feel the last line of the verses can emphasise the dragging of time a little more... something like: And the clock's been taking it's own sweet time... you may come up with something colloquial... I also like dragging, but can't quickly think how to put it in there. The first line of the bridge is a little disjointed to me. 15 minutes, 15 to late perhaps: 15 minutes too long to wait, or 15 minutes, way too long... Enjoyed the read. Cheers, Kel
  12. Hi Helmut, I think the repeat of couch here detracts form the rest, as it isn't done anywhere else... might work as a bridge, but this isn't the bridge: She’s sleeping on my couch Or eating up my couch! I'd suggest an imperfect rhyme: and eating out my house! / and chewing up the house! couple of ideas there. It is a little bizzare, but that can work fine. Cheers, Kel
  13. Given we only have a finite number of notes to work with, and a less difinitive number of associations anyone may consider pleasing, it is probable that at some stage we will write what has already been written. We can't know every piece of music already written.
  14. Fate is capitalised because in this context Fate is a name, a "proper" noun. Six o'clock news... "Read my lips!" had already been used lol. Once upon a time, newpaper vendors would call out, "Read all about it!" in order to sell their papers... and it rhymes with loose. Sorta! Cheers, Kel
  15. Hi VLH, It was in there once, must have missed it. Thanks, Kel