HoboSage

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HoboSage last won the day on March 21

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1,716 Nectar Of The Gods

About HoboSage

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    yeahsurerightwhatever

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    Male
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    United States of America

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    My name is David

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  1. I've listened to all your stuff on Youtube. Musicianship, Singing, Wordsmithing - you got game. I think you should be concentrating on making full arrangements and recordings of full songs which are commensurate with your other skills, because you've got a ways to go there. I know you're part of the "look at me" Youtube generation. But, so is everyone else and their brother - and their cat. In my opinion, concentrating on making kick-ass audio recordings of killer songs is what your art really needs you to be doing right now, and what's going to really set you apart from the herd in the long run. You've had this "start" of a song up since Saturday. You should be nearly done with a full-blown killer multi-track arrangement and recording of it by now! Git 'er done! <heh-heh>
  2. The verse/refrain/verse/bridge/ending structure seems like it might not be a satisfying one musically, but we shall see. Lyrically, the only thing I have an issue with is that you're flying away in the refrain, and then in the next verse you're delaying your flight. Without more context, that ordering seems a bit temporally inconsistent to me. However, I think that could be remedied with a tense tweak; If the refrain was past tense, implying that you used to fly away, then the present-tense next verse would imply that now you aren't, and that might make more sense. Just my opinion.
  3. II still think there's too much reverb overall. And, I still think that in the bridge/chrous section that starts at about 2:00 things swell to a point where they become too loud. I know you won't change that, but I hope you bring Sumi's vocal up in the mix some there, because she's much further back than you are. I think the vocals should be more in balance there. That's it - just those tweaks to that section. OH, and I think the overall structure of the song works well - ending included. P.S. I don't think you need to re-record, and I know you hear what I hear and are living with it. But I'd be remiss to not say it: If you ever do re-record the acoustics try not to move so much while you play. Body movement sounds (here with the right-panned acoustic) can be problematic. Been there, done that.
  4. Singing sounds better on the new version, and the change of the chorus lyric works much better too. The background music is a lot faster now compared to the older version - the songs sounds less melancholy and a bit more pop/rock now. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but it is a difference. The balance between the music and the vocal sounds a lot better in the older version though. In this new version, though your vocal is right there and upfront in the mix, the backing music sounds like it's far away.
  5. rock

    I don't think the vocals sound too bright anywhere - I think all the vocals sound great - during the bridge now too. Kudos. I was going to suggest lowering the volume of the bass a bit during the verses, because during the verses the higher-played bass notes are masking the lead vocal a bit. But, then I noticed something. It sounds to me like for the first lines of the verses - during "It's Monday again but it was Monday yesterday," and then again during "You'd rather live in a black hole where time disobeys," the bass IS actually louder than it is right after those lines - the volume of the bass goes down right after those lines to a volume level that works well with the vocal level. I think you just need to keep the bass at that slightly lower volume during those verse opening lines too and all will be good. That's it. Do that, and I'd call 'er done. It sounds great. P.S. You should maybe be consistent with the printed lyric for those first two verses - either have both two lines, or both four lines.
  6. I was all in up until Verse 3 and Refrain 3. At that point, I felt the song really needed a change - that's when I thought a bridge should start. I also don't think the "bridge" you have now is the "right" kind of bridge for this. I think you need something more substantial length-wise, and something more different musically than this bridge is. I don't mind repeating the hook of "missing you" for the chorus. But, maybe the phrases leading up to it each time could be different. Some choices off the top of my head: Every day, every way, I'm missing you Again and again, I'm all in with missing you Rain or shine, all the time, I'm missing you Heart and soul, can't/won't let go, I'm missing you Up and down, all around, I'm missing you In and out, all I'm about is missing you You get the idea. Just a suggestion.
  7. rock

    Drums sound better to me now - toms sound especially sweet. A small nit-pick. The synth that comes in during the pre-chrous sounds to me like it's panned a bit to the right. Regardless of how wide you have it, I need it to be centered or you mess with my OCD for symmetry!. I think the bridge could use some higher frequencies to set it even more apart from the rest of the song. IF it didn't sound too "fake," a sweet pattern usiing a ride cymbal sound might sound nice, maybe starting with the second half of the bridge. It's a pretty long bridge, and a ride coming in for the second half might be a nice added touch. Maybe also try, if not a crash, a bell tree of some sort just at each main downbeat starting each full prgoression during the bridge. Just ideas and my personal tatses I think the vocal's a wee bit pitchy during the bridge - I think it's the main vocal.
  8. I must confess that, believe it or not, when I was listening to your songs, I was also eating such chips - truth. The universe is telling you to make that the title! LOL You could use parenthetical titles for each song: Sea Salt & Vinegar (Haunting Me) and Sea Salt & Vinegar (Rescue You). Just an idea. In terms of searches, I think those would be good titles as well.
  9. I like both, because both are cool and "outside the box." I wish the titles were too. I think these titles are pretty lame in comparison. I think the titles should be cool and outside the box too. One I think would fit that bill for both songs would be Sea Salt & Vinegar, and . . . there's no law prohibiting you from doing both as S.S. & V. 1 and S.S. & V. 2. They would make cool and outside the box opening and closing bookend songs for a CD. Just sayin' . . ..
  10. This conveys what I imagine might be how it feels to o.d. on heroin. My only suggestion is to rethink "with my head in the clouds." That phrase connotes you're having fantasies and daydreams, which seems kind of out of place where and how it appears. I think it would make more thematic sense and have more impact if the those first two lines in that section were something like "can't get my head up in the clouds . . . yet rain keeps pouring down my cheeks" to convey that you desire to be able to fantasize and dream, instead of conveying that you already are. I think something like that would still make the head/clouds and rain/cheeks connection you want and which is cool, but be more appropriate to the "I need a change for the better" theme. Just my opinion.
  11. rock

    I personally think the drums levels are pretty good now. But I think they all - kick, toms and snare - could use just a little bit more body to their tones, and I think just letting a wee bit more low frequencies though with the high-pass filter on those tracks would do the trick - not a lot, just a little bit. But, this is just a small nit-picked suggestion based only my personal tastes for this tune. Sounds pretty damn good.
  12. Sing with proper "mic technique." Try to stay consistently within the mic's "sweet spot" for capturing sound - don't be too close or too far away, but adjust your distance depending on what your're sinigng and how loudly you're singing it. Too close and/or too loud and you'll overload the mic's diaphragm. Too far away and/or too soft, and you'll have to up the mic's gain and thereby add additional preamp noise to the vocal. Singing into a mic for a live performance is not like singing into a mic for a recording - especially if you're still working out the vocal arrangement - i.e., what notes you want to sing, and how you want to sing them. FWIW: If you're recording while working out the vocal melodies and arrangement, I suggest you take it one line/phrase at a time. Record it, then play it back. Does it sound good? Could singing different notes and/or singing those notes in a different way convey what you want to convey in a better way? Try it. Sing another take, and play it back. Then, when you have a take for that line/phrase that sounds good and like you want it to sound, move on to the next line/phrase, unless you'll be adding one or more harmonies to the current line/phrase - do those next and get those to sound good too, then move on to another line/phrase. In my opinion, the best way to work out a vocal arrangement, including harmonies, is to use such a piecemeal approach while recording. It's also the most efficient way of identifying problems with the vocal recording as they happen. And, don't tell me you can't really get into singing the song that way either. If you can't get into singing every line/phrase the best way you can, then you're not singing the best you can for that song. By trying to do large portions of a vocal track in one take, you won't as readily identify issues with the recording you're making, you won't think of as many different possibilities in terms of notes you can sing and you won't think of as many different ways to sing them here and there throughout the song. You also won't be as able to address prosody issues and needed lyric tweaks as efficiently. And, just as importantly, you won't be as apt to getting stuck in the counter-productive inertia of singing a melody in a certain way before you've worked out the best vocal arrangement for that song and that lyric. Once you have every line/phrase sounding the best it can and sounding the way you want it to sound, you can practice singing the whole song as a cohesive whole. Deconstructing an overall sing to address specific parts within it is harder to do and less likely to achieve desired results. Just like you build the melodies and arrangements for musical instruments note-by-note, section-by-section, chord-by-chord, and/or progression-by progression, you should build the vocal arrangement line/phrase-by-line/phrase. And then, when you get those lines/phrases to sound just like you want them to sound, if they're repeated elsewhere in the song, you can just copy and paste them them elsewhere and have it sound perfectly consistent. Of course, you can always later revisit choices you made previously, and you should, and you will. But, I think this is the best initial approach to working out vocals while recording. Just my personal opinion based on my personal experience. Your results may vary. Void where prohibited. Not recommended for young children. But, DO attempt at home.
  13. Please click "Edit" in your original, first post here, then click "Use Full Editor," and then put the correct title of this song in the Title field so that folks know this isn't a duplicate of the other song you posted on March 13. Thanks.
  14. rock

    Nice tune, Bro. Good mix too, but I would tame the crack of the snare just a wee bit.
  15. Maybe. But if that's what it's intended to mean, I think it should have something along the lines of this additional language at the end: You grant the Company the right (a) to allow the Company Service to use the processor, bandwidth, and storage hardware on your device(s) in order to facilitate the operation of the Company Service for the sole purpose of providing you the Company Service, and for no other purpose,