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HoboSage

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HoboSage last won the day on June 26

HoboSage had the most liked content!

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1,838 Nectar Of The Gods

About HoboSage

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    yeahsurerightwhatever

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    Male
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    United States of America

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    My name is David

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  1. Okay. I made the contemplated changes and remixed. I made the chorus guitars a little louder, enhanced the chorus synth's highs and narrowed its stereo width, and I also puckered-up the chorus synth bass with EQ to tighten up its sound more. https://soundcloud.com/hobosage/holly-shirin/s-3ePWN
  2. Thanks everyone. When I get some time, I think what I'm going to do is keep out the guitars for the first chorus and let the ballzy synth carry the first chorus, start some chugging/muted guitar stuff in the second half of the second verse as an intro that they're coming, and then let the guitars hit full bore for the first time starting with the second chorus. Mark, it's the the little business and fills from the drums during the verses that, for me, keeps things going and interesting given the sparse vocal and staccato, intermittent keys and bass. * I'll lock up for now, and let you know after I make the contemplated changes. Thanks again everyone!
  3. In answering your first question, I think Ray is suggesting that there's a third important element involved in addition to just the primary melody (the notes sung by the lead vocal) and the lyric (the specific words being sung) - there's also the performance/style of the way the specific words are sung with particular musical notes. I very much agree with Ray, and agree further that these three factors work best in conjunction with each other. For me, a good lyric for a song of mine is a lyric comprised of words that allow me to engage in some creative wordsmithing, which I can sing using notes of a particular melody and sing those notes in a particular way, that I think all sounds good with the music I'm singing to. My process is do do all these things together. But, I typically "start" with the way I want to sing particular notes to the music, before drilling down to find and develop specific words that work with that.
  4. Well Ray, you got me to actually give him some feedback on a poem, which I thought was quite good. So, no, I'm not all prick, all the time. LOL Thanks.
  5. The split page with continuations on the opposite side make this very difficult to read, John - at least for me.
  6. If you don't put Donkey Kong on it, I will hunt you down and slap you! And then, I'll run.
  7. Thanks, Sumi! Glad you like it. I wrote this for my daughter who's going through a tough time, and I hope she likes it too. I love pop and I love rock, and, as my weight and blood pressure both prove, I like having two cakes and eating them both.
  8. Look how many views you had for this! Gotta be a record. I think I may keep peeking at it just to get it to 2000.
  9. Damn it, Ray, you pulled me in! With the exception of one line, I really don't think there's anything amiss with the original tenses, and that Ray''s suggested tweaks seem not right to me. Just my opinion. I think this is quite good, and could probably be put to music. I do have an issue with one line though: "When the back fires are lit." It has a minor prosody issue, but nothing a singer couldn't adjust to. It just doesn't make sense to me. You light a" back-fire" to prevent an inferno from spreading, which not something you do, even metaphorically, after you've just thrown gas on the main fire of passion. I think it would make more sense, have better prosody, and perhaps even be cooler, to say something like "because back-fires backfired" to indicate that you previously tried to stop it, but couldn't. Just my opinion. Good Stuff.
  10. He posted this in "Complaint and Bugs," not in "Help and Support." And regardless, I think he was clearly complaining. And, just because I distinguish between needing affirmation and demanding attention, that doesn't mean I lack compassion - unless you're choosing to glimpse me that way.
  11. I'll confess that my grouchiness about this probably has something to do with the fact that the whole pay-attention-to-me-on-the-internet mentality has really wore thin on me.
  12. I'm not "admin." You're entitled to your opinion, Ray, as am I. He posted this as a "Complaint" about the site, and his first sentence was "I'm not how [sic] sure there is any participation going on here." I think that's an "injustice" to the site, and to all the members here participating - the implication given what he goes on to say being that if we're not commenting on his stuff, then we're really not participating. And yeah, I called out what I see as a childish and selfish attitude. I think asking why he's not getting all the attention he wants is a question he only should have asked himself, and is not a legitimate complaint about the site he should have posted. But, that's just me.
  13. No comment. But seriously folks . . . I really dig it - fine wordsmithing - but I don't like the title. I think it should be entitled Nowhere Else. The body of the prose leaves me wondering: Is she really serene, or is she trying to be - trying to forget the pain that has caused her scars? I think you should leave that an open question, and not answer it with the title. P.S. Ah-HA! "Serene Is She" doesn't have to be only read as poetic Yoda-speak. It can also be read as a question without a semicolon after "serene," and without a closing question mark. Intentional? Such a crafty thought provoker are you. Intended or not, I dig it even more now. Cool title!
  14. I dunno, Tom. Call and response vocals happen at different times. I think she's talking about a second vocal arrangement as backing vocals (which is what I would call it/them) which sing something different from the lead, but overlap the lead vocal, at least partially. When I "publish" a lyric by posting it along with the track say, on Soundcloud, I just display the words without any further labels. I mean, they can listen to what's what. But, to convey further information for purposes of review of just the lyric on a forum like this, you could do this. Say it's the chorus: Chorus (w/ backing vocals) <- indicates the backing vocals will be in parentheses (blah blah blah) indicates a backing vocal that starts before the lead scooby dooby doo - indicates the lead vocal (nah nah nah) - another backing vocal starting after the lead oompa oompa - lead la la la la - lead uh-huh-uh-huh (aaaaaaaaaaaaah, aaaaaaaaaaaaaah) - backing vocal sings mostly with the lead
  15. https://soundcloud.com/hobosage/holly-shirin/s-3ePWN