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MonoStone

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Everything posted by MonoStone

  1. Different taste perhaps. But as I said before, the string chug chug chug creates tension...and so the chorus should be release. The chorus you currently have just adds some wierdness, and maybe more tension. I think if the overall sound was much stranger, and darker, then it might work...and the 'itsy bitsy' might...I mean if it sounded like Bauhaus or something then you could plod on without any chorus at all, and mumble nursery rhymes, but since the sound isn't very dark, and more importantly isn't really atmospheric... then I feel like the song should go where it promises to go, to a release/lift, and I feel like the itsy bitsy isn't working...but also... I think the melody in the new part isn't very engaging, and the 'itsy bitsy' doesn't compliment it. Just an opinion... but I think the verses are nice, and if you open it up with a big epic chorus it'll be good...but otherwise I'd agree that you've changed the feel, and I don't think for the better. Hope the opinion is useful anyway. Edit... When I say the chorus is 'weird', I don't mean the 'itsy bitsy' lyric is weird...to me it doesn't come across as strange or twisted...but I meant the chorus is weird because it doesn't feel like a chorus and isn't as melodic as the rest of the song. If it was weird in a dark twisted way then I'd like it a lot.
  2. Have a child do the itsy bitsy intro... otherwise I'm not sure I could like that bit. The new part sounds like a bridge, and I like the chords for a bridge...but not for a chorus... because it's a detour, on a weird downer, rather than a chorus type progression and melody. I don't like the 'itsy bitsy' lyric. I still think you need a chorus but I think keep the new bit as a bridge (just once) and for my taste...lose the itsy bitsy stuff.
  3. Jenn, I think it's a fantastic vision. And it's getting closer to being 'ready'. The verse melody is fantastic as I've said before, and the little voice doing the answering melody in the verse is especially catchy (you could pan that to one side a touch and turn it up a bit). Make that answering vocal more of a feature, it's a hook. The chorus is dramatic and kind of scary, and I think it's supposed to be. I think maybe the chorus vocal is a bit pitchy (check it with autotune if you have it) and it would benefit from some reverb or echo. Overall I feel like you need to compress your vocals more, to compensate for where your vocal volume drifts... and I think some eq work would help too...I find it hard to be specific without having my hands on the tracks to see what's what sorry....but you're getting really close, and compression and eq are likely the tools to focus on while you try to get things as 'produced' sounding as you can. I might be wrong but that's what came to mind... Again, I think you have a great vision for this, and all you need is polish...so keep at it. If this was produced professionally and performed with just a bit more confidence, I think it would be brilliant. For my taste anyway. Stick to your guns with the chorus...but try to make it as close to perfect as possible. Dek
  4. I really like the verse progression and melody, it's the best I've heard from you. The vocal needs polish, it needs confidence, and slightly better tuning at times... I think your technique makes it hard for you, the way you trail every note into a breathy kind of fall, I think that you should practice a slightly different way of singing...where you don't do that thing... give it a go? And ditch the sung echo ... it sounds like something singers sometimes do live to fill in where they'd have a very produced echo on their recording. The chugging strings (I can't remember the musical term) go on for too many bars, and they promise a chorus (as they create the tension) which never comes... you need a chorus, with different chords to the verse. I gave up ages ago trying to persuade you to finish one before starting another but I wonder whether the reason you don't finish is because you haven't really sussed 'finishing' rather than just because you have another idea. In fact, you've got so many ideas that you could probably take a section out of another and make it the chorus for this... if you're not able to think up a fresh chorus...try it?
  5. You might be right. I think it's my voice in the verse that's bugging me as much as the melody. Yes please, if you have time to singalong... Full voice please. The effect I'm looking for is a crowd or modern choir sound with the chorus vocals... so just a singalong, so I can blend together. Very kind of you to do, thanks again!
  6. Hello, I'm looking for any feedback on this one as it is so far. I keep thinking of things to change and I only did it yesterday so I've not really had time to let it settle enough to even know whether it's good or bad... Anything you want to say will be useful. Thanks 1st version - https://soundcloud.com/monostone-1/circlearound02/s-LC8Gq I"ve done a second version now...better? Worse? - From the mountains to the forest You are lost out there in the rain When the cold wind blows You’ll sell your souls For a flame We have left a trail of sugar For the faithful in the fog If you follow the blades that glitter And the sound of love We’ll turn you on Hey little lambs Follow the sound Hey little lambs Green as the ground Holding hands We’re singing life as we Circle around Giant sunflowers out of season Light the forest road And the music on the breeze Is bringing the sheep back home
  7. Thanks both of you, I really appreciate it. Very glad you liked it. Dek
  8. I like this song a lot, I think it could be wonderful. The mix needs work and I can't offer better specific advice than you've already received... but also I feel like a few more takes would help the vocals and guitars sound a little bit more confident. When you edit the mix keep taking a break to listen carefully to songs that influence you, to compare the production. I think it's near impossible to match great studio recordings in typical home recording, but you can get closer....
  9. Thanks David, I will address those things before it's done. I'm still deciding whether or not I like the verse melody/vocal enough....
  10. Hi Emily, I really like the start. The buzz that enters at 0:41 bugged me, because it was like a buzzing bug, just not very pleasant. At 2:13 I wanted the arrangement to really swell up and sweep me away... I think you kept it too thin, and that's the place to add depth. Some lower strings or synths, just something to make it feel extra warm and deep and wide there. I think the rest is great. This is all just an opinion of course. That buzzing bug was the only thing which seemed 'wrong' to me. I like the music box kind of vibe some of the sounds bring, and I thought that you could develop that idea more...
  11. Lyrics - Yes I like them. Although to be honest you could sing the phone book and I'd like it, you make it sound very emotional even without me really paying attention to the words. Production/arrangement - Piano is nice. I like some of the unusual sounds (I think that gamey sound is even older than will thinks... reminds me of when games could only be played on big machines in arcades Galaxians maybe... not sure...anyway....). Despite me liking some of those sounds, and even though I think you do right to try to take it somewhere less usual...on the whole those sounds/sequences/whatever are too distracting, and don't always really feel in tune. They almost hide the song. So I think I'd ditch them... but I wouldn't go for the expected either. Maybe listen to The Knife for great examples of mixing haunting but sweet melodies with carefully chosen/created electronic sounds... and some old Japan (specifically Ghosts... which is nothing like this but I think is a good example of what almost sound like random electronic sounds, actually enhancing a song, and similarly without drums)
  12. Thanks Emily, yeah I like that bass bit too I think the wobble helps... You might be right about the verses... I'm feeling they drag a bit. I might try some other ideas before this is finished. I feel like the verse melody could be busier... We'll see... Thanks for the kind words.
  13. I agree with Will that it's impossible to judge the 'song' without the vocals... but... I think what you've done so far sounds great. And my opinion is the melody just needs to be good, it could even be quite predictable, but the singer needs to be awesome and ...right for the song. It needs a star. From time to time I felt like the timing of the riff was just a teeny tiny fraction out, not 'wrong' but could a touch tighter to help me groove/move with it. Something felt ever so slightly awkward. Again, it needs a star to prevent it sounding too ...typical... I look forward to hearing it sung.
  14. Jenn, don't change the verse from what is currently there. I can hear just how good it could be . It needs polish really... but I believe it could be awesome. I think you've hit on something very unusual but commercial sounding, in terms of the idea! It's hard to be specific in how to polish it overall. It just needs some work on the sound. I think maybe the vocals are slightly pitchy in places, and when you belt it out the vocal could be sat into the track better, and echo'd or multitracked. And that section needs more in the arrangement for even more shock strangeness. Keep going with it.
  15. Thanks Theo, The sound is great! I really like it a lot. But... hmmm... yeah, even though I like ambient stuff and I really like this vibe with the east/west kind of blend, it doesn't really keep my attention for the duration. A bit repetitive yes. With vocals it could be awesome. As an instrumental I'd want it to develop more, and preferably take a very unexpected turn. Hope that helps. Dek
  16. Dear Theo, I don't like clicking links unless I'm sure where they're going. Please could you post a soundcloud link, or a link to a similar host.
  17. Thanks Jenn!
  18. Just a thought... I could do with some singalong vocals for the chorus... Both of you interested? Not fancy vocals... Just singing along as you would in a crowd. No worries if not... Just an idea. I'll be grateful if you do...
  19. I was only confused as I couldn't see the funny side. As I said in my first reply.... Rutles.... Trouble is, whilst it's hard to do musically to nail the parody... so much hangs on it being funny... Even the Rutles wouldn't have been funny without the mocumentary. And those songs were done very skillfully and would have stood up as great songs in their own right if it wasn't for the comparison....and that was my point really... I think
  20. Just done another version. If anyone has time I'd be grateful for any thoughts on the track as it stands alone and Vs the first version. https://soundcloud.com/monostone-1/circlearound05/s-2ovOh
  21. You're clearly a really talented musician. So my feedback was with respect, yes, and I suppose just confusion at why you would choose to use that riff and some other elements from Day Tripper, when you have the talent to play and sing something totally original. And the rhyme Stripper/Tripper suggested comedy but I just didn't get the joke...but for the same reasons I found it hard to take seriously... and I don't mean that disrespectfully, I just think it's bound to be that way for many people (for all the reasons already said ) The new mix still sounds distant to me. I think maybe it's down to reverb as it sounds like it's recorded in a big empty space.
  22. I dunno... I'm sure it's intended to be a play on Day Tripper, but unless you're doing a 'Rutles' kind of comedy thing (Neil Innes and Eric Idle did a fantastic job didn't they?) then I think it's a road to nowhere really. I don't think you can take so many elements of such a well known and loved song to make a new one without people thinking...'hmmm it's like Day Tripper, but not as good'. Just my very honest opinion. That said, I thought it was well performed. Just the mix all sounded very distant. Edit - I imagine 'Night Stripper' could be a humorous twist on it, but... unless it's a UK vs US sense of humour thing, I didn't feel like you were joking. Now I'm not sure...
  23. Thanks Will, all the 'synth' sounds in this are from a mellotron...so tape strings, flute, guitar... I didn't want it to sound typically 'synthy', so maybe I failed in that respect. And maybe I will revisit the choices, because I agree it sounds quite nice together but ... maybe just 'nice'. (Can't stand Dido, so I need to be far away from that). Thanks Kena, I'm glad you like it. I know what you mean about that smooth transition... I think I can solve that. I'll take Bowie over Dido any day But neither are really what was in my mind. I think I know where I went wrong though.... I tamed the massive reverb I originally had on the chorus vocals, and I think it probably needs it back. It should have been more Flaming Lips featuring Barry Gibb kinda thing (well, in my head anyway )... I think I made it all just too 'normal'... Thanks for the feedback both of you. Dek
  24. OR...is the guitar is a loop, from a collection of loops with some variations...and you both used it?
  25. Out of interest... is there a delay/echo on the bass strings?