Asaphstable

The The.

James, I was immediately drawn to this by title alone, as "The Bell Jar" by Plath was one of the most intriguing reads I've ever encountered. "Head in the oven, half-baked heart"-- MAN, was that clever. Dark, but clever! When I originally read the book, I didn't consider her so much angry as hurt. But obviously, bitterness drew her farther and farther away from any sort of hopeful, positive outlook, and so your line was a good observation: her rage kept her locked up in that bell jar! 2 thumbs up from me!

Good NIGHT, McNaughton, that was powerful! And I am quite familiar with the historical reference which you used as the backdrop for your lyric. Am I also correct in detecting an acknowledgement of a modern hot-button topic? (Don't want to give away the farm here.) Only thing I'm curious about: why LEVITICUS'S son? --You might want to answer that question by messaging me directly so as to not incur scorn or voices of disapproval. REALLY enjoyed reading your work. I think it's worth further consideration!

I don't know, I kind of liked "a citizen so faulty." Speaking this as a "child of faith:" from a Biblical perspective, we are all either citizens of heaven or hell. That line beautifully designates a person standing with the choice before him, and recognizing his condition. Lloyd Clarke, I really like your idea here. I had the same basic concept set in mind, but with a touch of "resolve" and closure involved. I'm adding it onto the main lyrics critique page now.

An idea came to me for this when I awoke this morning, will make my initial draft contribution when I return from out-of-town. (I'm a trucker, I hit the road for 2 days at a time...)

Goldy, I would agree with some of the suggestions Kel gave you, but you DID paint a bright, vivid picture. Definitely emotes well, delves into the soul of the character you built. I saw streaks of consistency here and there with your mitre, but sometimes it slipped a bit. Not a biggie, easy to fix. I was a little confused by the line "Or Hell I'll take me when I'm dead." From my personal perspective, seems to be a bit of an unyielding oxymoron. What about making it "Or hell WILL take me when I'm dead?" Keeps the flow of helplessness in tact and gives a sense of closure to your thought. Just a suggestion; perhaps you have something specific in mind with the way you phrased it that you could explain.

Kel, I LOVE the full-circle approach of your lyric. It took me back in time, and I could "hear" Roger Miller or Johnny Cash singing this. I'd say you've got a winner with this guy. I'll try to give you a run for your money, but what you've got is doggone GOOD.

Was hoping to find the new challenge today before I hit the road again: need something to do while I'm laid over between delivery days. (Yes, I am a trucker!)

It's been a couple of years since I've done a lyrics challenge, so with only one day to come up with something, I hope this is a "worthy" entry... "TEN-SPEED TRANNIE" Well my ten-speed trannie's taking me to Tennessee With a ten-ton trailer designed for a delivery Gave a "10-4" to my family back in Tenafly A 10-song CD's company as the world flies on by But the ice up in the mountains make for a tenuous climb I pass a broke-down bus and pray that they can make up time Declining 10-mile hills in a trail of smoke and dust Tentatively descending, in my jake I place my trust (CHORUS) Got my ten-speed trannie And a kinda tender fanny My body feels the tension of the long and winding road Truckin' onward with my 10-ton trailer load Taking highway 10 on through the heart of New Orleans 10 fishers on the bayou wearing torn and faded jeans I stop for just ten minutes at a truck stop on the way Won ten bucks on a scratch-off, that's why I chose to play After 10-hours in the berth, I'm on the road again Thinking how life was simpler once upon a time back then I miss my son in Tenafly, my how time has flown No doubt that when I turn around, he'll be up and grown (CHORUS 2x)