Bernd

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Everything posted by Bernd

  1. Hello nameless, here is my text for you. It might be difficult to come up with a tune (vocal line) and sing it as you cannot know the tune I had in mind when writing the words (and even that would be not THAT easy to sing). Your track has two different sections. You will note that my lyrical sections also differ notably. I added time marks where I think the sections in question are beginning. The first has six stanzas the second four. The text will be published under my creative commons license so others may use it (or just one part or 'section') as well. It's free for NON-COMMERCIAL use (free posts on the internet, streaming ...). If you use it and have plans beyond that, please contact me before proceeding. 0:29 let's go for a swim in the sparkling blue sea let's be like children today we are free when we look back we cannot see the beach we feel quite happy to stay out of reach let our minds sail while we head for the sun till we reach spaces where time has begun gently we drift where the sky meets the sea float in the presence and float endlessly there is just us and the endless blue sea here we are timeless here we are free gently we drift where the sky meets the sea float in the presence and float end-less-ly 1:26 they party oh yeah, they party people are dancing they dance on the beach cool drinks oh yeah they've cool drinks they have a great time great time on the beach kissing oh yeah, they're kissing lovers are snogging snogging on the beach living life can be a party buoyant and joyful like fun on the beach Bernd
  2. http://www.soundclick.com/html5/v3/player.cfm?type=single&songid=13562163&q=hi I smell trouble trouble down the road like some dud shell that's going to explode I see it in your eyes that your mind's wandering I can read in your heart that your love is fading I feel it in your touch that you are backing out it's not hard to guess what's gonna come about I smell trouble trouble down the road like some dud shell that's going to explode
  3. Nice tune. By "lyrics" do you mean just lyrics or "lyrics and singer" - that would be topline writing. I could do "just lyrics" if you like :-)
  4. I sent you a PM.
  5. Beautiful. I could assist with lyrics and maybe guiding vocals (I'm NOT a singer). But then, you primarily need a REAL singer. I note that your tracks contain melodic parts that actually seem to anticipate the vocal line, or leave little room to deviate from them. Just mentioning. They're cool... Good luck! Bernd
  6. You create wonderful music! Should you find musicians (singers) to work with you and just lack some wonderful lyrics - which is rather unlikely but MIGHT happen - drop me a note or check out my pages: http://bernd-harmsen.com 488 lyrics to choose from, and I usually write to music - yet prefer having a vocal line (a tune) to topline-writing because I'm not the/a singer. Good luck, Bernd
  7. Thanks for trying! It works here, albeit CD Baby seems a bit slow today. The full version of "the angels' choir" is in the song feedback section. Other full versions are on my player. And the 'album' is on Amazon etc. as well. My player: http://www.soundclick.com/members/default.cfm?member=berndharmsen&content=station&id=1116657 Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06VYG3V76 Cheers, Bernd
  8. .... altogether. Sixteen on this compilation, all new this time. Yet again raw, rough, unpolished, simple, home made stuff. My own personal favorites are "too much" (the first on the list) and its counterpart in every sense, "the angels' choir". The 'album' is on iTunes, Amazon, Spotify, CD Baby (of course, that's where I uploaded it) ... Its lyrics are here: http://archive.org/download/RockBerndIII/Rock Bernd III.pdf Samples: https://www.cdbaby.com/cd/berndharmsen3 (several former full versions are on my SoundClick page, more will follow) Cheers, Bernd
  9. Hi Jim, there actually IS a rhyme pattern in the verses - it's XAAX (the first verse might be taken as ABBA). Near rhymes, yet rhymes. Yet, adhering to my own 'rules' when I write for others, this pattern does not resonate with the tune. XAXA or ABAB would have been better. I wrote the lyrics a while ago and only later decided to set them to music myself. I actually feel more comfortable when I create songs 'music first'. A faster tempo would do the song good. I wanted it to be slow and solemn, but it got a bit too slow, I'm afraid. Thank you for your feedback. I'd say it's spot-on. Cheers, Bernd
  10. Something different from "Rock Bernd": http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13540169 The song's lyrics: while the bathtub slowly is filling up she downs her pills with a glass of red wine she tests the water to make sure it's fine somewhere she'd read it must not be too hot resting her head on a bath pillow she'd brought she's all set for her bath - peaceful and quiet she reaches out for the razor blade knife as soon as she feels the numbness set in she's overcoming all pretence and disguise she's overcoming his deceptions and lies she's hearing music wonderful, beautiful music now, that she's joining the angels' choir she is fascinated by billowing clouds that soon begin col'ring the water bright red while contemplating what might lie ahead she's getting tired and dizzy at last she's overcoming all pretence and disguise she's overcoming his deceptions and lies and she's hearing music wonderful, beautiful music now, that she's joining the angels' choir she's hearing music wonderful, beautiful music now, that she's joining the angels' choir
  11. Hi Leo, you mean the chords to "the angels' choir"? Verse: C Am G Em D F C G Lift: D F D Chorus: Em G C F C G Actually, I normally just write LYRICS for other musicians because I've long since given up any hope that somebody might be interested in my songs. I mostly write rock - and rock bands do their own stuff. It's a pity because I believe I've written quite a few cool songs. I just lack the musical skills to perform then properly. And, what's even worse, I don't have the voice to sing them (too old, too bass). Nive hearing from you. Bernd
  12. IMHO just scrapping the second stanza would improve the song. I like the line "So I won't know myself from who I was yesterday", so well phrased! The ending "... for all the people to see" on the other hand does not seem to make much sense to me. Cheers, Bernd
  13. The 'pre-chorus' is not a pre-chorus but just another verse - or the continuation of the verse before it. Well, the second - ... "for a day of fame" - has a bit more of a lift (another term for 'pre-chorus' that better describes its funtion). The chorus seems to repeat the same tune yet again, or at least has got way too similar to stand out. Maybe just try using different chords... The lyrics are fine. Except, you don't mean "sole", do you? How about "soul"? But the difference isn't audible anyway ;-) Cheers, Bernd
  14. ... and also for the odd folk or country song. Actually this depends on the musicians' interpretations. Craig made my rock songs country, KOMIR make everything pop... Whatever, these days I published my 3rd 'big' lyrics collection, "more than meets the ear" with 86 new lyrics: https://archive.org/download/MoreThanMeetsTheEar/more than meets the ear.pdf the former compilations were "still there'll be more" (60 texts): https://archive.org/download/StillTherellBeMore/still there'll be more.pdf and "the Lot" (340 lyrics): https://archive.org/download/TheLot/TheLot.pdf Your choice! All are free for non-commercial use like free internet presentations, for example. Songs that are being performed or produced 'for real' must be registered and licensing handled by the appropriate collecting society (BMI, ASCAP, PRS... my is the German GEMA). Bernd Harmsen
  15. WOW! Thanks a lot for your detailed feedback. I copied the text to the song's folder so I can work on it step by step. Thanks again, Bernd
  16. Garage (or rather home-office) Rock. I like whatever I do, but that's no reason not to learn a thing or two ;-) http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=13535650 After discussions on another board I already altered the mix (lowered the guitar tracks so vocals and drums - and bass - would be more present). Two say, the song is too 'staccato' all through. Hm. I had already tried to smoothen that out in the bridge by means of the ride cymbal so as to get more variety. For people who only are interested in lyrics: trade real life for chat and tweets google to find doubtful truth fake news, goo that sounds so sweet all designed to spoil your youth all for free here value undefined all for nothing keep that in your mind swap real friends for online nicks friendships that ain't worth a dime panting after online chicks all you're doin' is waste your time all for free here value undefined all for nothing keep that in your mind you don't know how fresh grass smells what the songs of pied birds tell [in the 'official' lyrics I'll change that to "blackbirds"] you don't know how kisses feel you can't tell fake from real all for free here value undefined all for nothing keep that in your mind animated, coloured ads wrap around your clouded mind chasing after short-lived fads you tread on a ground that's mined all for free here value undefined all for nothing keep that in your mind
  17. Thanks a lot! You hit the mark three times ;-) 1. Don’t sing on top of your guitar riff, ... Yep, the verses, I know. When I sing on top of my own backing track I often find it hard to free myself from the riff. 2. ... it’s just (feels like) copy and paste, except for the solo... It is - the backing track, that is. Even the solo part where I play on top of a backing track is the same as in the sung bridge (yes, two bridges, I sometimes like such structures) 3. Your voice is a little weak, ... It's as good here as it ever will get. This is one of my better vocal performances because the pitch is optimal (it often is not, and I sometimes sound like some kind of mouse that's being tortured. I'll (try to) keep your advice in mind for the next songs. Thanks again, Bernd
  18. Head lines that mark the different structural parts of the song might be helpful. It looks to me like you start with the chorus.That approach often works just fine. Next a verse. Then a lift (my guess because it's repeated and uses a different rhyme pattern). Next the chorus, another verse, lift and chorus/outro. That looks like a solid song structure for pop music. i did ev'rything for you didn't i buy you things take you places you wanted to give you a diamond ring the grammatical structure "I did ...buy/take/give" might not get across easily in a song; I would find it easier to follow if the last two lines were imperfect (took/gave). Bernd
  19. That's fun all around. I love it. Cheers, Bernd
  20. VERSE ain't heard from you for quite a while you were off without a word your cheek, your smile - (there's) so much I miss now I just hope it ain't what I think it is VERSE tried everything to stay in touch you checked your mail not even once I miss so much: your love, your kiss... now I just hope it ain't what I think it is CHORUS no sign of life, no lead to track you down no starting point, no place, no name of town I lose my head, I don't know what to do I never knew just how much I need you VERSE asked all your friends to no avail nobody gave the slightest clue no road, no trail, something's amiss now I just hope it ain't what I think it is CHORUS no sign of life, no lead to track you down no starting point, no place, no name of town I lose my head, I don't know what to do I never knew just how much I need you your kiss, your smile - so much I miss now I just hope it ain't what I think it is
  21. Since you play the guitar why not play the bass, too. I've been doing that since I had got sick of my MIDI bass tracks. Which also means that I do play bass, although I may not be good enough... But I'm good at lyrics writing :-) Cheers, Bernd
  22. There are about 1,000 lyricists per musician, I believe. You can simply have a look and choose ;-) I published a few references the other day (unfortunately, many possible references are blocked because the songs are being exploited commercially): http://bernd-harmsen.com/old/references.htm all these lyrics have been written to the music of my respective partners. Cheers, Bernd
  23. I have reinstated my old blog “lyrics in progress”. After discontinuing the blog on Overblog because of their aggressive advertising it lived in the shadows of my homepage as a kind of news box. These days I replaced my homepage with a new blog to begin anew: basic articles on approaches, song structures, or rhyming, and of course insights into my ongoing projects. I may not be THE expert on songwriting, but I don’t mix up bridge and lift either, or teach people obscure British vocables - no offense meant, should the person concerned read this ;-) One of my first articles is about the “lyrics first approach” that most (hobby) lyricists seem to favor yet which might not be the most promising road. http://bernd-harmsen.com/index.php?/archives/7-approaches-I-lyrics-first.html I look forward to hearing from you. Bernd
  24. I sent you an email. Generally it helps if you post what you have (SoundCloud, SoudClick, wherever) so people interested in collaboration can get an idea. Your chances are good - there are about 1,000 desperate lyricists yearning for a collaboration per one aspiring composer ;-) Bernd http://bernd-harmsen.com
  25. For several reasons my stuff sounds raw and imperfect. I'm not a musician, not really. Just a lousy guitar player and a mediocre singer if I would sing in my 'singing voice' - which would be bass. That certainly sets limits. BUT: I also love that raw sound. If my pieces once in a while actually sound like 'real' musicians had played them live - then I've got it right. So that would be the standard to compare with... http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=13458487&q=hi&newref=1 Lyrics: heart attack in the after hours sometimes things are just like this giving in to the higher powers who just chose to take the piss bang, you're out you had your chance bang, you're out you blew it bein' knocked down by a compact car of some rather obscure brand did it have to get this far in your own beloved homeland bang, you're out you had your dance bang, you're out stabbed to death in some senseless fight between gangs in the neighborhood just to proove who's wrong or right fights like this never did you good bang, you're out you had your chance bang, you're out you blew it shot down quite accidentally you got into the line of fire your choice of time and place, you see just caused your life to expire bang, you're out you had your chance bang, you're out