Timbre

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Timbre last won the day on March 19

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About Timbre

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    Sultry delivery and phrasing of R& B, rich voices and haunting stories of country music, complex tapestry of classical, enchanting harmonies of music from Africa--you see where I'm going with this; I like it all.

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  1. Peggy, Thanks for the encouragement. I'll check out the inconsistency in meter across V1 and V2 in line 3. I sometimes have a blindspot for matching the meter of internal lines across verses ~T
  2. Hi, John. Yes, V3 is still in my head! Playing with some possibilities. I'll add your idea to the mix and mull it over. Thanks for reading. ~T
  3. Hi, Dan. You've got the seed of a good idea here with the hook Second Hand Truth. My impression of V1 is that the lines feel vague especially Line 1 which should ideally grab the listener. The 2 lines before the chorus don't seem to fit the story yet. The chorus is the strongest bit in terms of supporting the hook. I strongly encourage you to critique others' lyrics as substantively as you can. You may find that you learn more from critiquing than from getting feedback. Being able to articulate what you like and what you think needs work will translate into your own writing. Welcome to the site. ~T
  4. The Upside of Lonely Copyright © 2017 by L.C. Campbell V1 There’s an upside to lonely It seems to slow down time Hours never end And days drift slowly by When you give in to lonely It rises up inside Fills in all the spaces Where love used to reside Ch1 From the outside, looking in This ain’t no way to live But right now it gets me through So I’m going to hang onto The upside of lonely V2 Wrapped up in your memory There’s no need to play along Just going through the motions And always feeling wrong So I’m counting on lonely To fill me up inside To take up all the space Where love used to reside Ch From the outside, looking in This ain’t no way to live But right now it gets me through So I’m going to hang onto The upside of lonely Bridge Don’t want time to heal these wounds If healing means losing you Ch From the outside, looking in This ain’t no way to live But right now it gets me through So I’m going to hang onto The upside of lonely
  5. Hi, John. Enjoyed the sample of your collection posted here. I could not help but notice your affinity for titles from some of the greatest country songs of all time--Crazy and Always on My Mind. Or maybe it's a Willie Nelson thing, since he wrote both? Thanks for sharing ~T
  6. The idea in V1 is great raw material for a song. When we can't sleep because we are missing or thinking about someone we would like to believe that they are awake for the same reason. That belief gives purpose to having sleepless nights. You might even think its worth it if it might bring the person back eventually. That mind game is very human and can make they lyrics very easy to relate to if you develop it more. One way to do that is to not switch so quickly to the "last dream" idea in your first chorus. Doing that is a bit of a break in logic--the singer goes from not sleeping to being determined to stop dreaming. If their not sleeping then they are already not dreaming. You might mean dreaming as synonymous with hoping, but the sleeping theme doesn't pull strongly for that. So V1 is about the upside of not sleeping, V2 could convey the upside of not dreaming (e.g., waking up alone), and V3 could be about letting go of the myth. If you let go of the myth too soon, then there's no where to go with the lyrics. If you think the idea of developing the initial idea more fully is worth considering, then you would need to rework the chorus to address the inconsistencies of dreaming and sleepless nights and give some thought to having a chorus that varies each time as the idea unfolds. Interested to see how this develops. Good luck with it. ~T
  7. I studied the lyrics a bit before listening and I got a sense of urgency in the lyrics that I don't get from the melody. Currently, the melody is too minimal--there's not enough going on musically to draw the listener into the music or the words. It has a percussive quality with lots of space between the notes and short musical phrases that repeat over and over again, but it needs a stronger melody and phrasing to move the whole thing forward. Sam Cooke's song casts a long shadow so using that same hook is risky. It's hard to compete (even if you are not trying to!) with a song that has reached almost anthem status. But I see how it could be a good source of inspiration when trying to communicate the main idea behind your lyrics. I disagree with the "woe is me" interpretation of his song which sounds self-pitying, but I do think he was expressing what it's like to feel "soul weary" while at the same time holding on to the knowledge that things never stay the same--even the bad stuff. So he was able to use his own experience as a commentary on the times and the cyclical nature of things. Your lyrics swing from need (gotta) to determination (gonna) and capture some of soul weariness and reaching a low point--"forgetting what if feels like to love myself". There's movement in that from a lyrics standpoint but the music doesn't support it. I really like this section lyrically. It feel like the beginning of the pivot toward determination that things will get better. Could be effective to develop this as the bridge rather than V2. It's already a departure from V1 in terms of structure and length and maybe that's telling you it wants to be a bridge! I think there's some good raw material to work from here. Thanks for sharing. ~T
  8. Really liked this. I also stumbled a bit on the line that got clarified above. The other line that tripped me up was "As it occurred" in the last section. It just seemed to fall out of character, a bit. Thanks for sharing. ~T
  9. I liked the ease of much of these lyrics. Had a few thoughts: The "pearly whites" phrase kind of poked a hole in the image for me. A smile brightening the night was nice but maybe find another way to get to that. This section gave off an unhappy vibe that was quite different than the mood in the rest of the lyrics. Were you going for some kind of juxtoposition here? I thought the "no two are alike" is a nice way to refer make to the smiles but the first 3 lines suggest you're now talking about something else. Structurally this section and the last section seemed to be choruses, but I thought they could hang together more--not necessarily making the words identical if you were going for some kind of juxtoposition between those 2 sections, but more than just the opposite moods. Perhaps some repetition that works for both moods. Thanks for sharing. ~T You dropped your rhyme scheme with this line.
  10. I liked this. I had a few tweaks below to keep or sweep. Also, I kept tripping over the last line of each stanza b/c the punctuation interrupted the flow for me. Maybe that line works with the rhythm of the music if you already have it. ~T I've been doing plenty but my own way, And I know that someday I'll have to pay, Can you open up your mind, reach out, It's the little things that I, seek but, Can't find, I've got mixed emotions about this race, So for now I'm waiting in last place, Can you slow down to my time, Reach out It's the little things that I, seek but, Can't find,
  11. I was drawn to this one b/c I'm working on some lyrics about loneliness right now so I'm kind of in that same head space. My first take on this is that it reads as more conversational/informational than lyrical. The lines are telling us stuff but there could be more emotional expression. For example there are lines that didn't convey much emotion but provided information and worked with the rhyme scheme. Like: "Didn't I buy you a diamond ring". Other lines seemed like filler, but again, fit the rhyme scheme, such as "I keep going here and there" and "Didn't I buy you things". Too make the words more lyrical, I think you need more emotion with the facts. For example: Didn't I buy you a diamond ring => I gave my heart with the ring Starting the lyrics with the chorus really raises the stakes for those first 2 lines. "Now I'm lonely" reads like the end of a thought not the beginning of one. Starting with "now" makes me wonder about the "then"--sort of like starting the lyrics in the middle of a conversation. The second line of the chorus has the same issue as noted above--telling us stuff without emoting. "I think I'll cry" reads like a decision that is being communicated rather than an emotion that can't be controlled. Overall it needs more heartbreak. ~T
  12. I had a similar initial reaction re: lack of progression within each verse, but I can also see the argument for progression between verses. What moves me toward needing more movement within each verse is that you are trying to do a lot with the chorus and I think you need a boost from the verses to get there. The chorus is about the singer baring his soul (see what I did there with "bare" vs "bore"?--more on that later ) so you could get some movement in the verses by listing out the ways the singer shut out the woman emotionally, which is a better lead-in for the chorus. In other words, if the solution in the chorus in baring his soul, then the problem in the verses needs to be about shutting her out emotionally. Failing to compromise doesn't come across as very emotional, but saying a bit more about why the singer needed it to be that way (e.g., keep her at distance, protect himself, etc) would be more effective. Back to the bore/bare issue in the chorus. I think the problem is mainly the form of the word. It needs a grammatical tweak, for example: If I bare my soul, Will she want me then? I really like the message in those 2 lines--the emotional hook of the chorus is vulnerability and those 2 lines give the chorus it's punch. Also related to the chorus--I am big fan of the singer referring to the song in lyrics (like Ray Charles--Song for You). Again, the verses could build up to that idea too, by getting across the idea that he didn't talk to her enough and maybe he can fix things by not just talking but singing. A broader observation about the lyrics is that the style of the lines switch back and forth between pedestrian, everyday language and more lyrical language. For example V2 is more lyrical, while V3 (wrapped up in paying the bills/drinking too much when I was stressed) seems less so. I think there are some good elements here to build on. ~T
  13. Hi, Peggy. This had a lot of similarities to Roberta Flack's classic The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face, including the hook, telling a similar story without rhymes and using the sun and mood imagery. The twist I think you are bringing is anticipation for the future, as opposed to Flack's reminiscence about the past. I could be wrong about your intent but the sense of anticipation is lost between V1 and V2 because the future tense changes to present tense and then the future tense comes back in later. I liked the rhythm of your verses. I thought you might tweak the last line in V3 to be a closer in rhythm to the final lines of all the other verses. See suggestion below. But I could also see that change in rhythm working with the music to set up the chorus. ------- V 2 ------ Our eyes dark and satin We feel how the moon lures Earth's grip holds our moment As the spinning goes on ------- V 3 ----- The moon keeps on rising With rhythm the tides pull And pull us still closer 'Til waters rush ashore => Like waves to the shore I liked the chorus on its own but, for me, it didn't follow from the verses. I was sort of grooving on the moon and tides imagery in the verses and then the sun came out! That felt a bit disjointed to me without some sort of transition. Enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. ~T
  14. Welcome, Joe!
  15. Thanks for reading. The articulation in my head feels smooth, but if those lines aren't coming across so well for others than they need some tweaking. I'm trying to develop the idea that the couple is so far apart now that they can't see each other so your lyric idea fits with the meaning in general. The "I fear" is a little too soft for where the singer is by this point. She's no longer worried about the relationship; she's over it.But again, I take the main point and will work on it. And the more I read it, the final line in V2 has completely veered away from the main idea so those final 3 lines can certainly hang together tighter than they are now. Appreciate you weighing in. ~T