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Timbre

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Timbre last won the day on May 7

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About Timbre

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    Experienced Member

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    Female
  • Location
    United States of America

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    Interested

Music Background

  • Musical Influences
    Sultry delivery and phrasing of R& B, rich voices and haunting stories of country music, complex tapestry of classical, enchanting harmonies of music from Africa--you see where I'm going with this; I like it all.

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  1. Dancing After The Music Stops  

    The bridge as currently written with both the good/bad and right/wrong lines reads a bit cliche. How about going with the last 3 lines with a tweak, such as: It's not right or wrong Just a dance a dance that went long Yeah, a dance that went too long
  2. Hello, i'm new to this

    Welcome, Marquee!
  3. That Night You Danced With Me

    I guess it depends on what willows symbolism is being invoked. Willows are known for their flexibility; bending in the wind without breaking. Willow imagery is often used to invoke going with the flow, adjusting, surrendering. So two willows would exhibit a lot of give and take with another rather than resistance. I'm not familiar with willow imagery to suggest seamlessness, but the cool thing about language is that the meanings morph!
  4. That Night You Danced With Me

    Hi, Patty. I like the simplicity and imagery of these lyrics. The structure of V1 is different from all the other verses so that could be tweaked to match the other verses. The chorus felt very much like a pre-chorus that was a lead in to a full chorus that never came and just transitioned quickly to the next verse. You might sit with that and see if a chorus comes to mind. Just a nit: The willow image was slightly off for me because it didn't fit 2 people. What about We moved together, like willows in the breeze ~T
  5. Dancing After The Music Stops  

    Hi, Peggy. I think this is a great hook as a metaphor for hanging on to a relationship too long or even as a metaphor for trying to make more out of something that was not meant to be serious. It even works as a metaphor for keeping a relationship going when the romance has waned. I thought that the verses and chorus could be more closely tied to the metaphor so that the overall impression lingers. In the verses you have some nice contrast between the mood of dancing in low lights and then the lights coming up and shining a more harsh light on things. There were some extra bits and turns of phrase that may serve the cadence but didn't seem to add as much to the substance. For example "too close to see" is a great line that fits the lack of objectivity, and the next iteration of this idea could be "too bright to see", rather than "too bright we agree" which doesn't fit as well. The chorus sort of lost me. It has a different feel because of the first-person perspective, takes a philosophical turn re: imperfection, and the second half is a bit flirty. I like the chorus, but it wasn't connecting up to the hook in my head and so it feels like its for a different song. Hope some of this is useful. ~T
  6. Hi, Leo. Cool phrasing with each line spilling over into the next. My suggestion would be to not carry that same style into the chorus to give more contrast between verse and chorus. I also like the new hook/ title but I think it gets steppd on a bit with the lead in "It is". I thin the hook can stand on its own in that last line--much cleaner and more stark that way. -T
  7. The Storm

    I like how this has developed and the simple refrain of "Oh, Love"--could be interpreted as talking about love or talking dirctly to love. Switching the order of the first and second sections made more sense to me chronologically in telling story. Wasn't sure about last section intention. With different line length and cadence, it read more like an outro. Enjoyed it. ~T
  8. She Moves Me. By John Craig

    Hi, John. Some nice elements here. I agree with Lisa that your hook is in a strong enough position to support the song title, but the phrasing used in performing it would need to emphasize it so it doesn't get swallowed up by the rest of the line. I'm drawn to that title because it reminds me of the song "She Still Moves Me" by Dan Seals. If you don't know it, it might be worth a listen to get an example of where I'm coming from with my phrasing comment. It's a somewhat different set up b/c the hook is in the chorus, rather than the verses like you have it, but good example of who to showcase a hook that's more sweetly evocative than the usual hook that packs a punch. I thought the verses could be tightened up a bit in terms of choosing one analogy for each verse and developing it so the whole verse hangs together. V1 had a few different images going on. V2 had a chess analogy, except for the 3rd line. V3 had the "above the crowd" image that work with "not putting down" so that might be tweaked some more. Love the first line of the chorus with it's nod to Seger. For me it also reads with the most ease and lyricism. The downside to a smooth line is that it really plays up the awkwardness of some of the other lines that have been pointed out. These lines in the chorus read as a bit forced and not quite as lyrical as that first line, but I like the idea that is being communicated. I thought the bridge would be stronger with a shorter cadence that contrasted more with the longer lines of verse and chorus and maybe a bit of tension between past and present, for example: Giving up my rough old ways wasn't easy Now I'm finally the man she sees in me Enjoyed it. ~T
  9. Love Song Challenge - The Hook Up

    No worries! It could just as easily have been a set of lyrics that Les and I collaborated on where both our names appear in the by lines. We've done a couple of fun collaborations for the challenges and some critiques get directed at him and some at me. It's all good. -Lisa
  10. Love Song Challenge - The Hook Up

    Laughing is good! I love to laugh! Yes, I got all mixed up thinking you were the poster of the song and EVENTUALLY I caught on, but didn't have the chance to reply, so all the above was meant for @Skin, though I'm sure is irrelevant now due to timing, but I knew you were fairly new here, so when I thought YOU wrote the song, figured it was recent. Doesn't take much to confuse me! lol! And just to add another layer of confusion, Les didn't post the lyrics, I did! I think the glitch is that Les's critique is the first critique on the 2nd page of critiques for this challenge. Easy to miss that there's a first page to this thread with more discussion of these lyrics and others. I'd say it's a sign of a healthy critique forum when there's enough traffic to get lost in !!
  11. Song Title Association Game

    Signed Sealed Delivered (I'm Yours) / Stevie Wonder
  12. Love Song Challenge - The Hook Up

    Yep. I thought you might have just missed the challenge date, but its all good. The challenge vibe around here is that it's more about the challenge than the date. It just helps to stay closer to current challenge period if you want to get more feedback/discussion. We are currently on Challenge #7 for 2017 -- The Protest Song. Just a couple drafts submitted so far. Would love to get your feedback on my post there if you have time. I'll dig up that revision and repost soon. ~T
  13. Love Song Challenge - The Hook Up

    Hi, Ray. I didn't recognize this post at first because this lyric has undergone so many revisions off-site since I first posted it last summer! Thanks for weighing in. After some tweaks to the chorus the hook/title was changed to "Breathing You In" and the bridge was deleted altogether. Can't access the full revision right now but it fit your critique in many respects. Appreciate the read. ~T
  14. What makes a song great?

    I was a teen of the 80s. Come on Eileen was a BIG hit in the US. #1 on Pop Charts. Fun times!
  15. Heyyyyyy

    Welcome. Yes, yes, yes, write songs. You will get positive and negative feedback here, which will help you grow, but none of it will have anything to do with if you should write. As long as you are drawn to it, keep writing.
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