McnaughtonPark

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McnaughtonPark last won the day on March 2

McnaughtonPark had the most liked content!

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About McnaughtonPark

  • Rank
    So not ready for winter

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States of America

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    lyricist
  • Musical Influences
    Most times I prefer singer/songwriter versions of songs to the big name artist version.

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

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  1. Hey Mark, I like the lead and the acoustic. The acoustic sounds as if it has some Hobo influence, sounds really good. I still love the chorus, it's placement works for me, but the harmonies don't so much. For me, it lost some of the bite it once had, it spread out the peak and made it more of a plateau which seemed to flatten it out. Does that make sense? But as this version progressed through its course, I think it all fits together in the end. This is a softer version than some of the early versions. The softer version makes me want more piano tho. Lol, how the heck do you stay with one song for so long?
  2. I have enjoyed this topic so much, more so than many I have read in a long time. I grew up in a semi musical family, that is to say my mother played piano and sang. All of us kids got piano lessons growing up. I can still hear mom saying "that's not right, do it again". By the time it was my turn for lessons i pretty much knew what to expect and how it was going to turn out. It just so happened that I would get a little help in deciding that I didn't want to take lessons anymore when on the ride home from the instructors house after lessons one evening, a young man blew through a stop sign and met us in the middle of the intersection. The first time time I woke up, a man I didn't know was covering me with his jacket. The next time I woke up I was in an ambulance. To this day I don't like driving through that intersection. But for sure, at 10 years old I wanted nothing more to do with piano lessons. But, for whatever reason, that's about when I started making up words for songs. i know them as lyrics now, but back then I wasn't writing them down. I would just sing them to melodies. Not on purpose, there was no forethought involved, I would just sing what came out. This has gone on my whole life it seems. much later in my life now, my hands are not the nimble, trainable appendages they once were, and I find myself wanting to put music to words. Words that came from not playing. I have no idea at all and probably couldn't come close to guessing how many melodies have come and gone without music around them, or how many lyrics were sung but never written down, but I'm trying to limit those lost moments now. I only hope my laptop holds out long enough for me to get through my to-do list.
  3. I guess you meant the lyric when you said "you".
  4. First verse, if it's cold then I'll go, but you don't. Then at the end, all the I'll go statements.
  5. In the introduction you mention someone controlling how another person feels. Some of the lyric reads like physical abuse rather than emotional abuse. For me, it's stuck in the middle yet. It's a tough subject area to write in, but as far as the lyric goes, I think it could be clearer.
  6. The ending is too soft. Because it's raining? I actually like the rest of it, although it could scan better, usually in the third line. But I actually dislike the ending.
  7. Good to see you working on it. It will be interesting to see where you edit it when it comes time to put the words to the music. i hope you post it as you make edits.
  8. There is definitely a place for theatrics in music, I like a good show, that's a valid form of escape. It's just that the artists I relate to best or get the most out of are just up there singing their songs. Image is part of the package.
  9. Do you have a melody for this?
  10. I've often thought about an artists image. Who we the public see, as opposed to who the person is. I think of it as acting a role. One of the reasons I never listened to a lot of metal bands, or Madonna or anyone of that nature. I can't stand fake. Without the image, would their music have been better? I don't know. I think so. It seems so much of what I relate to has to do with sincerity, honesty, the this is me warts and all bravery of self acceptance attached to the music and song presentation. And still, I know if I ever get the courage to play and sing in front of others I will need to take on another persona. The i who is me will be heading for the door when my feet are walking to the stage. It's that willingness to be volnerable thing that I admire most in artists. You dont have have to be a big star for me to admire what you do. Image is as much perception as it is presentation. Just don't be fake. And then I think of Alice Cooper. Was he fake because he wore eye shadow? Oh hell, I'm sticking with the don't be fake approach. What is music if it's not another vantage point to this whole messy thing of life. I'll take reality for $200 Alex.
  11. I hope you aren't thinking this is about you, critique isn't about you, it's about the lyric. posting edited versions below the original is the traditional way a posted lyric moves through the lyric critique forum. Otherwise, people like me who edit a lot, may end up with five or more topics on the same lyric. Post new lyrics as new topics, post edits under the original, and don't take any of this personally, it's about the lyric not you.
  12. It's a good time of year to write away the funk, glad you stuck with it.
  13. Did you keep writing?
  14. Yea, very tasteful, and grounded by a ukulele, strangely appropriate.
  15. I thought my reply went too far so I deleted it. ill look at don't give up the moon, missed it somehow.