• Announcements

    • Songstuff

      New Chat App   06/02/2017

      We have a new chat app available. You will need to sign up for it. You can pick up the invite link at the top of your member hub page:   http://forums.songstuff.com/member/hub/   Remember to use your Songstuff registered email and user name when you sign up! Using the invite link will automatically add you to the Songstuff chat channel.

McnaughtonPark

Active Members
  • Content count

    4,304
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    61

McnaughtonPark last won the day on March 2

McnaughtonPark had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

691 Cult Following

About McnaughtonPark

  • Rank
    So not ready for winter

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States of America

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    lyricist
  • Musical Influences
    Most times I prefer singer/songwriter versions of songs to the big name artist version.

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

Recent Profile Visitors

12,637 profile views
  1. No, I think too much. Still really digging this tune, all those verses support the hook. I'm good. And for me, the hook has always meant more than one thing, I have personalized it over the years to mean many different things, and sung it to myself in relation to what was going on at the time. That variance of meaning had nothing to do with how the verses were originally written, and I don't expect that to change however you decide to write this verse.
  2. ok, on a computer now so I can write complete sentences. Plot works well with the double meaning, the ground sure lays down the physical aspect while masking the storyline aspect. That's ok, but it makes me think of the divide of political parties with the isle, crossing the isle to find common ground though and not so much a personal divide between two people. Must be my mindset, I'm sure it is. I look and write for double meaning a lot so I'm tuned into the storyline meaning and growing that in the background would be cool. (as an example....If I've pissed you off it's not because of something I've said, it's because you misunderstood me which is why I like to think of you as stupid and myself as omnipotent) But this is where I get into trouble with others on lyrics. Always looking further than, or deeper than instead of keeping it simple. so, as I look at the line that has plot in it, I hear my head banging away, working too hard, trying to find the cleaner message, I might decide to do away with the word plot. The plosive P, the T at the end, and the sound of the word itself are all kind of bugging me now. I might look in the thesaurus, I might just use the word thread....... the alliteration of are, far, apart is cool. To me, it lends itself into a growl for emphasis. those "r's" could be a hidden or could be accentuated vocally. Sit back and join the fight that's going 'round Sit back and join the fight that's coming 'round Sit back or join the fight that's going 'round Sit back or join the fight that's coming 'round Because you've got a choice. And if you don't have a choice, that's something that could be brought out more. When did I give away my choice? I must have lost it somewhere in that common ground. My choice is buried in the lost and found. I can't find a thread of common ground My choice is buried in the lost and found Sit back and join the fight that's coming 'round That kind of get me where I need to be.
  3. Your plot means storyline I assume. is it sit back or join the fight? are, far, part intended or just happened?
  4. Common ground is getting more Elusive the distance only feels more intrusive excuses from the mouths we're getting chewed in and that's no damn good I know you won't like this, but it's ok to change words around and find new rhymes too. Must be be my lucky day, I only checked in to see if you had posted the new version
  5. Hey Mark, I like the lead and the acoustic. The acoustic sounds as if it has some Hobo influence, sounds really good. I still love the chorus, it's placement works for me, but the harmonies don't so much. For me, it lost some of the bite it once had, it spread out the peak and made it more of a plateau which seemed to flatten it out. Does that make sense? But as this version progressed through its course, I think it all fits together in the end. This is a softer version than some of the early versions. The softer version makes me want more piano tho. Lol, how the heck do you stay with one song for so long?
  6. I have enjoyed this topic so much, more so than many I have read in a long time. I grew up in a semi musical family, that is to say my mother played piano and sang. All of us kids got piano lessons growing up. I can still hear mom saying "that's not right, do it again". By the time it was my turn for lessons i pretty much knew what to expect and how it was going to turn out. It just so happened that I would get a little help in deciding that I didn't want to take lessons anymore when on the ride home from the instructors house after lessons one evening, a young man blew through a stop sign and met us in the middle of the intersection. The first time time I woke up, a man I didn't know was covering me with his jacket. The next time I woke up I was in an ambulance. To this day I don't like driving through that intersection. But for sure, at 10 years old I wanted nothing more to do with piano lessons. But, for whatever reason, that's about when I started making up words for songs. i know them as lyrics now, but back then I wasn't writing them down. I would just sing them to melodies. Not on purpose, there was no forethought involved, I would just sing what came out. This has gone on my whole life it seems. much later in my life now, my hands are not the nimble, trainable appendages they once were, and I find myself wanting to put music to words. Words that came from not playing. I have no idea at all and probably couldn't come close to guessing how many melodies have come and gone without music around them, or how many lyrics were sung but never written down, but I'm trying to limit those lost moments now. I only hope my laptop holds out long enough for me to get through my to-do list.
  7. I guess you meant the lyric when you said "you".
  8. First verse, if it's cold then I'll go, but you don't. Then at the end, all the I'll go statements.
  9. In the introduction you mention someone controlling how another person feels. Some of the lyric reads like physical abuse rather than emotional abuse. For me, it's stuck in the middle yet. It's a tough subject area to write in, but as far as the lyric goes, I think it could be clearer.
  10. The ending is too soft. Because it's raining? I actually like the rest of it, although it could scan better, usually in the third line. But I actually dislike the ending.
  11. Good to see you working on it. It will be interesting to see where you edit it when it comes time to put the words to the music. i hope you post it as you make edits.
  12. There is definitely a place for theatrics in music, I like a good show, that's a valid form of escape. It's just that the artists I relate to best or get the most out of are just up there singing their songs. Image is part of the package.
  13. Do you have a melody for this?
  14. I've often thought about an artists image. Who we the public see, as opposed to who the person is. I think of it as acting a role. One of the reasons I never listened to a lot of metal bands, or Madonna or anyone of that nature. I can't stand fake. Without the image, would their music have been better? I don't know. I think so. It seems so much of what I relate to has to do with sincerity, honesty, the this is me warts and all bravery of self acceptance attached to the music and song presentation. And still, I know if I ever get the courage to play and sing in front of others I will need to take on another persona. The i who is me will be heading for the door when my feet are walking to the stage. It's that willingness to be volnerable thing that I admire most in artists. You dont have have to be a big star for me to admire what you do. Image is as much perception as it is presentation. Just don't be fake. And then I think of Alice Cooper. Was he fake because he wore eye shadow? Oh hell, I'm sticking with the don't be fake approach. What is music if it's not another vantage point to this whole messy thing of life. I'll take reality for $200 Alex.
  15. I hope you aren't thinking this is about you, critique isn't about you, it's about the lyric. posting edited versions below the original is the traditional way a posted lyric moves through the lyric critique forum. Otherwise, people like me who edit a lot, may end up with five or more topics on the same lyric. Post new lyrics as new topics, post edits under the original, and don't take any of this personally, it's about the lyric not you.