xXxMagicalYamBagxXx

God, I don’t know what to say about today. Some was bad. Some was good. Some was absolutely nuts. This morning I went to the hospital. I got an ultra sound done on my thyroid. Thyroids are gross looking. After that, I took this iodine pill to get me ready for my OTHER tests tomorrow morning. Then I got two tubes of blood taken. The guy who took my blood was very attractive. I got back to school in Journalism. Finally. All we did was talk. And Paige got her contacts. In geography….all was fine. But that ugly, ugly girl…sitting next to Shane….Samara agrees….she doesn’t need to live anymore. I really feel bad when I see them talking…and her flirting… Math was pretty freaking good. Talked to Shane more than usual. Good. I love talking to him. Everything else was normal until Science…but I’m not gonna get into that ....tee hee... Got home….and that’s about it. Liz is gonna ask Shane about that girl….but she brought something to my attention, that I did not want to admit….but it is the truth. We’re not together anymore. It’s not cheating, and he has every right to date her. I really do want to commit suicide now. xx P.S. I'm marrying him:

Sitting on my bed, Strumming my guitar. It's missing a string, I'm missing my heart. It's still beating somewhere, barely hanging on. Beaten up, and bruised, Ripped, torn, and stepped on. Cheesy and cliche, like everything I write, sadly, but I like this one. Dunno...

Ryan Ross. Everything he writes is so discriptive and each song is a story. But if you don't get the lyrics, you don't get the story. I love that. But I'm thinkin' Ville Valo comes real, real close.

I wanted to committ suicide this morning. And I told a friend how I felt. She's reporting me to the counselor. Guess I'm not dyin' any time soon. Darn. The reasons for these feelings are dumb. I want to die because Shane has a friend who is female in our Geography class. Seems like Geography is turning out to be just this horrible, horrible thing every day that I just can't destroy. I dunno....they were talking. And I don't know if he likes her...or if she likes him...'cause I'll tell you this right now: If she likes him, I'll kill her. Shane....he just can't be anyone's but mine. I saw them talking, and I just felt like throwing up. At least we talked today. He's in a better mood. I am so overly sensitive lately. Everything makes me start crying. I was watching an AT&T commercial last night and started bawling my eyes out. I've been eating 89 tons of food every day and not losing or gaining a pound. I think I'm addicted to metoprolol. Jk, jk, I'd be dead if I was. Drinkin' a "revive" vitamin water and listening to "Plastic Surgery Slumber Party" by Jeffree Star. Today in Health we all went to the auditorium where almost all of the school bands played. And nearly all of them sucked. The dood in my Health class that my bff likes is going to write a song called "spork." Awesome. I think I'm about done writing. "Keep it ninja" xx

I think I hate being Shane's friend. Well...I might not hate it, but I sure didn't like it today. When we talked on the phone Saturday, he was sweet, nice, funny, pretty much the same as if we were still together. He just didn't say "I love you" when he hung up. This morning, he was sweet, nice, funny, and the same as if we were going out. Practically let me hang onto his waist telling him how happy I was that we had Geography together, and that we could talk more and stuff. I had a personality test I wanted to ask him to do with me as an assignment for Carrer, Family and Leadership in 1st period, and by third period I was real excited to see him again. I haven't seen him in 3 weeks! When he came in I was like, "Hey, Beeler! I have to ask you something, come here." And he made a face at me and told me no. Walked over to another seat far away from me, even though the one next to me and my friends was empty, and sat with some other dude, staring at me the entire 48 minutes of class. I didn't like it. Then his stupid ex asked him back out for me, screaming in across the classroom, and he didn't answer, he just laughed and ignored. I was really pissed about it. He didn't talk to me the rest of the day, not even in Math or anything. After school I asked him about the personality test and he said with this little attitude "I don't rate my friends." As if he were some hero; the only person on the planet who doesn't feel comfortable rating his friends. I don't even care if he told the truth or not! I just have to get TONS of people to help me out, and I thought for SURE he'd do it, and it would be one person down. Being his friend days after we broke up was fine. Pretty much nothing was different. But now he has this rude-ness about him. He's rude, he's sarcastic, he won't do the tiniest little favors, he doesn't care about me, or if I'm his friend or not, he won't talk to you unless it's like....serious, or something, and it sucks!! It's really pissing me off. He'd better pull the stick out of his ass and straighten up, or I'm not going to talk to him at all. As much as that might hurt, being treated like crap for no reason by him isn't worth it. I wish we were back together. My other ex looked hot today. xx