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Vara La Fey

Active Members
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    85
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Vara La Fey last won the day on May 13

Vara La Fey had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

34 Very Good

About Vara La Fey

  • Rank
    Active Member
  • Birthday 03/20/1969

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    https://www.reverbnation.com/varalafey

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States of America

Music Background

  • Band / Artist Name
    Custom Angel
  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    Mpls regional gigging/recording drummer/lyricist '81-'90. Now a trans-girl songwriter, bassist....
  • Musical Influences
    From original Black Sabbath to Tool and Halestorm, with some prog, EDM, punk and pop thrown in. I mostly write from a libertarian (Randian) trans-girl perspective, which I don't think anyone anywhere is doing. :-)

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Maybe

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Give It To Me Both Barrels

Recent Profile Visitors

369 profile views
  1. What?? I read and posted in the order of the thread. I expected you would understand that. Like Moptop, I too was thrown by your post. I later saw your later correction. I expected that you would understand that sequence of events, and would therefore ignore my post. I certainly didn't expect you to call me out for calling you out due to your mistake. Critique submissions are works in progress. Incongruities like a male voice singing a female lyric on a new song are something that the posters might already be aware of, and might intend to fix as time and opportunity permits. I didn't think it was "a ridiculous expectation" for you to understand that. And I sure didn't expect you to call me "all clueless" for expecting you to be up to speed on that stuff. If I should lower my expectations for you, then tell me, and I will. But I certainly don't recall needing to lower them for you in the past. I wonder if your "new bad-ass avatar" is coloring your perceptions of you. Heh heh. I guess that's one more reason I'm happy to use my own picture.
  2. Hey now. No reason to be upset. They are not pre-releasing an album version, they are posting ongoing rewrites for critiques and ideas. Therefore it's a good bet that they aren't finished in any aspect, and no mind-reading is required to understand that.
  3. Pretty nice. And when sung, "think about your life" will pace much better than "do you want to go through life".
  4. That's a good alternative. It sang itself just like you emphasized when I read it. :-)
  5. Nice piano melody, and good singing. This thing could have a future with some spit-n-polish. :-) There's pretty much only 1 energy level in the whole 4:14, and the parts kinda blend together. Choruses need to stand out and be unmistakeable. That could be done here just by pitching up the vox and intensifying them a little. Nits to pick: "CAUSEyouare where I was" is jarring. It's jumbled together and won't be heard right. Instead of starting "Cause" on beat 1, try starting it on beat 4 of the previous bar. Then it phrases "Cause YOU are where I was". Much smoother. :-) "Girl don't do itdoyou wanna go through life...." is similarly jarring. You simply can't have jarring moments in a chorus. But fixing this one would require a small lyric rewrite. :-\ But apparently I like trying to solve these puzzles, cause here is an idea.... Girl don't do it Girl don't do it Wouldn't you rather live your life as a faithful loving wife? Girl don't do it Girl don't do it Just take your passion home cause there's heartache if you roam Don't do it In case it doesn't sing itself, here are the mile markers.... My first "girl don't do it" falls right on your "girl don't do it". "Wife" still falls right on "wife". "Roam" falls right on "home". My final "don't do it" (in descending pitches, a la D C B follows immediately after "home"/"roam" and falls on beats 4 1 & of the first post-chorus bar. ("Do" falls on your beat 1 chord.) You guys' nice little outro wouldn't even have to change. And, fwiw, those are my suggestions for the spit-n-polish. :-)
  6. That's not a bad way to express it.
  7. Hi Servus, and thanks for the review. Karma is one of many that I'm trying to find time to track (and upload). It has full vocal melodies, but I still need to rewrite some of my old bass and guitar parts. I write and track full demo arrangements, from drums to special fx. "Incoming" and "Radio Free World" are a couple demos I've posted here. Fun, but time-consuming. Ugh.
  8. I hope to get time to track it before the universe collapses in on itself. Or expands past gravitational bonds. Before whichever of those. I'm so far behind.... Anyway, thx for suggestions. I don't think I've heard those phrases before. But I finally worked up something that hopefully solves the issues. I never go mystic when shit goes down never count on magic justice coming 'round Magic don't solve the problem Magic don't solve the problem <then on to V2 and the rest>
  9. Yay!! Thx for checking it out.
  10. I'm not sure what you mean by "when there's a choice like this". A choice like what? A choice about how to express things, or about which things to express? The former is solved by anything which makes it clear and fits in rhythmically. The latter usually indicates overscope. A normal length song (2:45 - 4:00 min, I suppose) can only cover so much because there's not much space to begin with, and because some things need to be repeated, sometimes a lot. Usually that leaves room for just one thing. Hammer that thing home, and it's prollly a good song. Overscope is a constant battle for me too. I just hope I've learned how to cut off its supply lines....
  11. Nice thread!! One of my songs (not yet tracked) is a metal piece written to have feel and melody similar to the bluegrass western stuff like Wild Wild West and Bonanza. I'd throw Honorable Mentions to the merry Munsters theme, the jazzy Jetsons theme, and the rockin' Rockford Files theme. Totally great music there. But I think the best theme music I've ever heard are these (and I can't believe no one posted them yet!!)....
  12. TBH I like your May 20 version way better. It flows, it says what needs to be said, and the chorus is much catchier. I think your new Fri June 2 version is back to over-scope. Sorry. :-(
  13. Ray, thanks. You're not alone: my brain doesn't always function either. It moves in too many directions at once. Grrrr. Patty, do you think the new intro helps clear up that the singer is a real person? Cause that really is the sole reason the lyric exists.
  14. Well, now you're making sense - I wish you'd cited those at the start. (I'd only heard of 1 other of them - but that's just me.) I doubt any of them take the angle that I do, which is rejecting the very idea of karma, and stepping up to take its place. Which is why removing the word would destroy my lyric: you have to name what you're stepping up to replace. Karma being such a horrible cliche in general conversation is why I originally started the lyric off by repeating the 2 worst of them, so I could proceed to burn them down. I kept hearing them around me and I couldn't take it anymore. Then someone here said, "those are cliched lines". True. I hope the new ones are more unique.
  15. Removing the word "karma" from my lyric would not make it stronger, it would 100% cripple it. Yes, 100%. Your song doesn't even begin to address the subject from the same perspective that mine does - they're extremely different. I wasn't asking for help, since I write my own stuff - I was asking for reviews, which can be helpful. A cliche is something that is used so often it becomes tiresome, so the word "karma" being used in 1 song 33 years ago does not make it a cliche. I said I was in a rut with the opening verse, and I certainly was. Here is the new one along with the mostly-unchanged V2 just for context: I never go mystic when shit goes down never count on magic justice coming 'round Magic don't solve the problem Magic don't solve the problem So last time you did the shit you did today They got all about karma and you got away They made you someone else's problem They made you someone else's problem