SoulHuntah

Thanks. Yeah I haven't been using hooks in my rhymes. It's something I just never thought of or keep on forgetting. I'll get in the habit of adding hooks and I think it should improve the lyrics. Thanks for reminding me! I also appreciate the feedback so I'll check out some of your stuff when I find time again. Peace, Soul

I was a young and happy kid Always so friendly and kind But I changed because of what people did Still I'm kindhearted you'll find If you meet me at the right time I came here innocent and good But life taught me things are not the way they seem Evil people robbed me of my happy mood It was all too good to be true But none of that matters now I'll forgive them anyhow Holding grudges is pointless It'll only make you feel worthless So now I need to say what's right These might be the last rhymes I'll ever f*cking write Made too many bad choices in life And now I might be going under the knife Yesterday might have been the last good night of my life I'm starting to pass out Would like to write more without a doubt Got lots more to say Hopefully I will one day God I'm not angry with you I know you know this to be true And maybe soon I will be with you This is it for now I'm thankful for my life Hope I survive this somehow Maybe one day I'll even find a wife

Yeah I had the exact same feeling about those lines. Will be changing them. Cheers for the feedback and advice!

f*ck school I like valium and coke Keep drinking vodka until I choke Feels like Im at the end of my rope But the party must go on non stop Cops arrive with guns and and I pull out my glock Cant fire a shot before my bodys filled with lead Boom surprise motherfker you‘re dead Get carried away in a body bag Well I still dont give a damn Somehow get revived in the morgue Holes in my body my soul is torn Wake up inside the body bag and begin to scream What the f*ck is this is it a dream The coroner freaks out and begins to shout And Im just like motherf*cker let me out! Cant be sure though is it real or is it hell? I was sure I died when I got shot and fell Was it divine intervention or just a figment of my imagination Just like these rhymes here Maybe I‘ll have another beer Words just spill out of my mouth for fun Just like a hoe choking and spitting out cum But here I am nearing the end of my run Shit where the f*ck is my gun Please God forgive me my sins If you wont then f*ck it you win I‘ll just have another sip of gin This is it the rhymes may be done But that dont mean theres no more fun I may die but my words aint gone https://soundcloud.com/soulhuntah/life-in-a-body-bag

Glad you liked this structure better. I'll try to keep my future lyrics in a similar structure and make sure each verse brings something new to the song. Hm no I don't think I've seen the lyric challenge yet. I'll check it out when I have more time.

Glad you managed to post some feedback without troubles this time! Yep this one is a rap as well although I've tried singing it slightly differently from rap but my friends told me rapping fits me better and I think I agree. And yes you're quite right it is rather short. Most of my lyrics are born spontaneously and in a matter of minutes to hours. Sometimes I'm chatting with someone on facebook and suddenly feel that simple words can no longer express what I feel so I start writing in rhymes and see where it takes me. As a result it sometimes means that the lyrics will be kind of short and some are just thoughts at a specific moment and later on I might not feel like adding more to the lyrics and this leaves me with a lot of incomplete works. On the other hand when I'm feeling quite strongly about something I really will take the time to write down the lyrics and end up with a decent length song. This is actually pretty much the only reason I write - when I'm feeling deeply emotional about something. Feelings of pain, anger, sadness, resentment, regret, happiness and hope all drive me forward in writing lyrics. I can of course just sit down and start writing at any given moment but then it feels somehow "forced"? I hope that makes sense. So yeah I prefer to take advantage of an emotional moment and be inspired to turn those feelings into words. Another thing you said was that you listened to a 50 second song of mine when there was enough lyrics for a 3 minute song. And well, you're pretty much right. The words sometimes fly past so fast that I myself am amazed. And maybe I have tendency to rap fast but then again it is that kind of genre of music where the words just fly past. This certainly does make things harder for me but still I am quite certain I will stick to rapping. It just somehow feels right for me. Although every now and then I try different genres for the sake of experimentation and learning. I've also been experimenting with slower rap beats and realized I don't have to rap as fast as I sometimes do while still conveying the same message across. The rhyming dictionary will definitely come in handy as well. I've used http://www.rhymezone.com a couple of times when I really couldn't think of a word to rhyme with. Another thing this site has taught me is that I don't structure my songs. When I look at other peoples works they all usually have a chorus/hook, bridge and so on. I'm thinking I should start doing the same with my lyrics to make them more structured. And yeah cutting down on clutter words is also a good idea. Interesting words instead of useless words. I agree with your last paragraph as well. Ego really is the trap. A rather difficult trap to deal with but it's definitely not impossible. And damn man you said "A critique isn't attacking that truth, only how it was expressed, the technique." I really couldn't agree more. I know there's lots of room for improvement and I'm hoping practice and this site will help me achieve that. Thanks dude, for taking the time to provide your advice and feedback. I really appreciate it! All the best to you sir Soul

Aw that's a shame when critiques disappear. Some feedback would always be nice The rhyming dictionary could be useful though. Thanks man! Soul

I gave the beat a listen and yeah I get what you mean now. And yeah the sudden change of tone makes sense too now if you also only realized the meaning of the hook then. Not much else to say here. You did good! Keep on writing and you'll improve yourself further ^ ^ Soul

Not bad, not bad at all. I definitely like the whole idea and themes in this song. Feelings of betrayal and being deceived by a woman. Being hurt by love - it all feels quite emotional and deep. Only the ending came as a real surprise to me. I really thought this song was about a guy being ditched by a girl. Really didn't expect that she'd gotten shot it almost felt a bit too dramatic. Still good lyrics and I really like some vibes I got from this song. Anyway here are some typos you made or some things I'd write differently so it sounds better: On line 6 did you really mean "staring" cause "starting" fits a lot better, was that a typo? A small thing but "After all these times you'd think I grown" I'd write as "After all these times you'd think I'd grown" Then "She pull and push me like a door" grammatically correct would be "She pulls and pushes me like a door". But if you wanted the song to sound more smooth or the line to be shorter then I guess using "pull" and "push" isn't such a big deal. Then "Loves her weapon" I would write as "Love is her weapon" or at least "Love's her weapon" to make the message more clear. "Louis Vuitton, she's soaked in blood she wear" - grammatically correct would be "wore" instead of "wear", if I understood the song correctly. Might have to change the rhyming there. "The boy miss her and now wish they would talk" - I would write as "The boy misses her and now wishes they would talk", it's grammatically correct and actually sounds a lot better in my opinion. All in all these were some nice lyrics and I really enjoyed rapping them out loud. Good job! Soul

Yeah I suppose you're right. I definitely don't want that kind of reputation for myself. Could you elaborate on what you mean by "someone like yourself" though? I didn't think about the board hog thing at all before but yep I see where you're coming from. Well I guess the least I could do to make up for this is do a lot of good critiques? This is and has been my plan since the beginning I do want to learn to analyze and critique better. I've only had time to do one so far though but it was quite thorough in my own opinion. I won't have much time to critique tonight like I said but I will do em I promise, probably tomorrow. Anyway thanks for letting me know about this issue and I hope we can figure it out. Soul

This is one of the few more romantic songs I wrote. As you may have guessed I wrote it for a girl and she loved it but sadly we are not together at this moment cause the circumstances don't allow it But oh well I still think it's beautiful lyrics and hope you will agree. This will be the last one I post today and I know I've been doing a whole lot of posting and not so much critiquing but I just wanted to get most of my stuff out there first. I did a really nice long and thorough critique for "TheRevenant" but the author hasn't seen it yet I think. Right now I'm starving and friends are coming over so I will be busy but hold on people I promise I'll be back and critique all your amazing lyrics Oh and when I find time I'll write up an introduction about myself too so you may learn more than what you might have already picked up from my lyrics. Peace to you all stay chill ^ ^ Anyway here's the song: You know what, here's the deal It's a stupid rap about how I feel I just wanna tell you something real These rhymes are stronger than steel I never say the things I should Sometimes I really wish I would If some things weren't so hard to say I would tell you every single day That I think you're amazing in every way Instead of leaving I wish you'll stay I really suck at this so maybe I'll pray For you to be smiling when I say what I say I liked you before you even talked to me Opinion based on what the eye can see I've learned more about you now And all I can say is wow You're beautiful, smart and funny And your lips taste like honey I hope you know there's more to me Wanna be who I want to be I'm not just somebody's ex Or a guy looking for sex Might be weird for you to read My thoughts suddenly being freed But I don't even care if it all goes wrong And everything explodes in my face like a bomb Cause in the end there are no regrets Nothing to lose from making these bets Some things just need to be said Not kept forever inside of my head Now I'm gonna stop this stupid rap Cause I'm tired and feeling like crap At least now you know I like you for a fact All I can hope for is that you like me back

Maybe I'll just screw my lifeNever find a f*ckin wifeNothing worth dying forNo reason to try more Stay alive only to fade away Do things in my own way Years have passed since the day When I came here not to stay The rainbow turns to grey Oh it turns to grey And I've got nothing left to say Words are dead and the song is too There is nothing that is new Is this even true Tell me is it true Who can know but you? So give me your point of view But don't push me to do The things that make me go Or even join the river flow And now you will not ever know Why I need you so Oh let me go Just let me go

This is one of the very first things I ever wrote and it was during a time of lots of partying boozing etc so it's not a very serious rap as you'll see. It was more just me having some fun with my buddies People are all the same Wanna have money and fame Wannabe gangstas being lame Strangle a bitch in his name Our lord and savior is the main Very real nice cocaine But no heroin must go into the vein Or else we all turn insane Like ISIS motherf*ckers yeah f*cked in the brain Will give your team an ass whoopin in mid lane I use a f*cking massive crane To pick up bitches for my game Yeah something kinda like that Still don't know the reason for this rap But it keeps on going keeps on flowing Almost like it's f*cking growing To something greater than you or me The rap's setting itself free Unstoppable like hell's thunder It will roam the world and plunder And now its done the song has been sung This sure has been hella fun My raps flying right into the sun And when the words have left my soul Then its about damn time to roll Cause this raps gonna cease And finally I have peace Beat not made by me I own no copyrights.

In order to be able to see We must set our minds free For too long we've been enslaved by greed That is not what we truly need Will our souls ever strive to be freed Can't you see those who lie and mislead Do you really think you will succeed In a planet that has started to bleed Nations are choosing to disagree! Mankind could be on the brink of war Now you see the cards you have drawn It could decide the fate of our world and us Darkness will only lead to ruins and dust Smart decision-making in these times is a must In our hearts we need to trust Have faith in yourself Not the books on the shelf The world will tell you lies It's the truth in disguise It's up to you to feel the signs Like the feelings I put into these rhymes Don't you know that people are committing crimes Blood drops fall as our injured world cries Yet people will never open their eyes And it is then that our hope dies There are a few who are truly wise And even they are being consumed by lies Negativity breeds darkness Darkness feeds on fear So that we forget what is real But in our hearts it is clear Search within yourself with an open mind Listen to yourself you've always been kind Don't let others pull you down Or make you feel bad and frown You are what you've always been A soul freed from within Just remember that wherever you go And let it be so That on one good day Happiness will find its way To your life, yes it may If you let it in From within That day could change your life forever Unless you just thought no never ! Come on you know you are better Don't you forget that ever Background music not made by me and is the Matrix theme song. I own no copyrights. Attached image is done by me and I feel it fits with this song.

NOTE: If you don't know much about the video game League of Legends you won't understand much What did the League player say when he had guests one day Come into my Rift you may a dozen enemies we'll slay Rift sweet Rift dont want to drift No bro I don't even lift Welcome to Humble Abyss Hope my ulti won't miss Or else I'll take the piss Here's our Crystal Meth Bar where drugs n booze are not far Shoot up top lane like a star Have Teemo's head in a jar Wait until enemy is at Dragon Then we roll in our killsteal wagon Slay the beast before their eyes Then cut their team down to size That is how we won the prize