JoeyM

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About JoeyM

  • Rank
    Noob

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States of America
  • Interests
    In addition to writing songs I am a potter and ceramic designer who sells thru galleries in the US.

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    lyricist and composer
  • Musical Influences
    Too many to list, but I like the best works from all music styles including, but not limited to, rock/pop, country, blues and jazz. I am influenced by the music from 1950's thru the 60's, 70's, 80's and right up to the best current sounds. If it's good music....it influences me.

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Any and All

Recent Profile Visitors

67 profile views
  1. I would appreciate any constructive critiques before I record. It Won’t Be Love She’s dancing solo, looking hot tonight And the crowd is keeping time Must have a thousand moves, she knows what men like ‘N I've got somethin' on my mind Stepping down from the stage She moves to my side Ch1 I said I need somebody to hold On this bleak and lonely night Someone to cling to in a world grown cold Then I’ll be gone, long out of sight I know it won’t be love, call it passion if you want Just two strangers tangled in the dark When morning comes and our eyes meet in the sun Sweetheart, I’m sure it won’t be love She wonders if I’d been there before Never saw me in the crowd Said she felt something when I walked thru the door So handsome and so proud Looking into my eyes She straddles my knee Ch2 I said I used to hold somebody I knew Just getting by on my own Get so lonesome, didn’t know where else to do Not the same since she’s been gone I know it won’t be love, call it passion if you want Just two strangers tangled in the dark When morning comes and our eyes meet in the sun Sweetheart, I’m sure it won’t be love When morning comes and our eyes meet in the sun I guarantee it won’t be love Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael
  2. Hi Patty. I really like this..... a fun and humorous woman's perspective on a relationship. Yes, I see it as country. Just going to give you some ideas. Not saying they're worth much. I'm hearing a Shania Twain song......just as good as her writing! When love turns sideways and you’re feelin’ trapped......sideways love is catchy and probably sings great. Not real sure what it means. Maybe consider "when love turns on you etc....But what you have might be just fine. A lack of cash can leave you handicapped Get some just-in-case money, just in case So you can buy your ticket out and afford your own place............think you might want to rhyme with "case" Your man keeps tellin’ you he’s workin’ late He’s dyein’ his hair and he’s losin’ weight............love the first two lines Get some just-in-case money, just in case So you'll be the one lookin' good when you're makin' your break............love lines 3 & 4 also (Chorus) Just in case, just in case A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case................love "walkin money". That would also make a good hook/title for a song. It makes your chorus all the more powerful. Stay in love if you can But play it smart and have a backup plan.................great country chorus. Very catchy and with just the right amount of attitude! You need to make sure that you’ll be okay So take the time to plan your getaway Get some just-in-case money, just in case So you're not tied down to a life if you don't want to stay......very nice 3rd verse! (Chorus) Just in case, just in case A woman needs her walkin’ money, just in case Stay in love if you can But play it smart and have a backup plan (Bridge) You need to invest for those times you detest Give yourself the latitude To grab your coat and hat-itude...........funny. Nice work Patti!
  3. lyrics critique

    Allot of times this type of lyric comes off as poetry rather than song. You've managed to get your poetry into song form very nicely. This has great imagery. The choruses are great. I really like the way they morph and progress. I'm assuming the following is a bridge. It's excellent. everybody's got a reasoneveryone has a good excuseeveryone's looking to accuse somebody else Nice job!
  4. Hi Timbre. I like your song allot. I think you could improve the title. I've given you a few ideas for possible changes....but they are just quick and off the top of my head. Just wanted to give you something to chew on. You may not see a thing here that you can use....cus it's nice the way you have it. But I do think you might want to get rid of a few of the words I've and I. Hope this is helpful in some way. Joey My Heart Won't Let Me V1 I’ve taken my wrong turns Tried too many shortcuts I’ve woken up all alone Not knowing which way was up I’ve caved way too fast And given away too much Now my heart’s learned its lesson I’m not safe to trust V2 I’m seeing clear now My mind is made up This time feels different He might be the one This feels like the real thing Wanna taste his sweet love But my heart just won’t let me Get close enough Ch He’s everything I ever wanted But I’ve been careless with my heart And it won’t let me fall too far I swear this time is different I can feel it in his touch But I’ve been down dead ends before My heart won’t let me fall in love V3 He’s made a few u-turns Got stuck taking short cuts Tried to go it alone But he’s giving that up........might be a good idea to change up V3 to make it a little more different from V1. So I wanna go too fast I wanna give too much But my heart just won’t let me Take this chance on love Ch
  5. Hi folks. I'm starting to record this up tempo country swing song I wrote. I'd love to know if you see any problems before I do the vocal tract. Thanks. Started Out Thinkin’ ‘Bout Foolin’ Around Saw her standing in the checkout line Checked her out cus she looked so fine But I felt a little dizzy like I never felt before Left my groceries on the counter when I saw her walkin’ out the door Took her out, but it was just for fun Kind'a guy who likes to kiss and run When we did she said a little somethin’ silly, really made me laugh Then my head jus' started spinning, got me thinkin’ maybe this might last Ch Started out thinkin’ ‘bout foolin' around Both feet firmly on the ground She swept me up like a hurricane Came back down and didn’t know my name Started out thinkin’ ‘bout foolin' around Wound up thinkin’ ‘bout settlin’ down She spun me around and my heart ’ll never be the same Modulate Up Never knew that love could be so strong Thought I could beat it, found out I was wrong She’s the kind ’a woman that a man jus’ can’t resist Got me thinkin’ ‘bout forever with the power that is in her kiss Started out thinkin’ ‘bout foolin' around Both feet firmly on the ground She swept me up like a hurricane Came back down and didn’t know my name Started out thinkin’ ‘bout foolin' around Wound up thinkin’ ‘bout settlin’ down She spun me around and my heart ’ll never be the same Modulate back down Started out thinkin’ ‘bout foolin' around Both feet firmly on the ground She swept me up like a hurricane Came back down and didn’t know my name Started out thinkin’ ‘bout foolin' around Wound up thinkin’ ‘bout settlin’ down She spun me around and my heart ’ll never be the same Since she spun me around My heart ‘ll never be the same Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael
  6. Hi Scotsman, Nice hook/title...If You're Gonna Kiss Me. This is real neat and simple. I like that you start out with the chorus. It really works to do that for this kind of song. I'd keep it simple and wouldn't change up the last chorus. It doesn't add anything, and you are indicating she hasn't kissed you thus far in the song...then you start talking about how great her kisses are. Not logical. I realize you're trying to add more interest and have evolution in the song. But this neat little song might not need it. I'd just go with: Chorus ~ Verse ~ Chorus ~ Verse ~ Chorus ~ Bridge ~ Chorus. It's got an up tempo feel to it (always good), so it might not be too long. With 4 chorus repetitions you are sure emphasizing the hook ~ "if you're gonna kiss me. That's a great idea. I made some revisions just to give you some ideas. I do like this song. I like that it is straight forward and simple. As a musician, I could have some fun with this. I hope you find something helpful here. Nice song! Joey
  7. Hi Gary. Thanks for taking a look. Yea, I realize. I'll see what I can do about that. I'm going to try: I'm looking in the windows down on memory lane. I use that in the bridge, but I think I can use it both places. The way my head works, I'll have to sit down at the piano and work through the it hearing the music. I'm pretty sure it will be easy to replace "dancing cheek to cheek"....since it's not the hook. I often start out using cliches and well worn themes when I putting words to melodies I've composed. They can serve as filler until I get everything else working in the story. Fortunately, I've usually been able to get rid of them later. However, in this case, it didn't remember the old song Leaning On A Lamppost. But, now that you mention it. I'll go to work on it. I really appreciate your help.
  8. Pretty good for your first song. I think you've created the narrative but need to hone the lyric and end rhymes. Try to get a rhyme pattern going in the verses to make it more musical. "Hold me in your arms and never let go" is a cliche that's been around a long time. Sometimes there is a more clever way to say a common phrase...a way that is more unique. This is a start, but now you should glean and save the best parts (best images or lines) and get rid of anything that seems redundant. This can be boiled down allot. And it's necessary to pick out a strong hook around which you can build a song. Try to get a clearer focus and more structure and contrast. There are lots of good books on songwriting and structure. I'm not sure which stanzas are verses and where the chorus is. This is an old cliche: ~ Hold me in your armsand never let go Also, where else would he hold you but in his arms. If you dig a little deeper and focus in on a few crisp points and unique lines a song should start to emerge. This is more of a narrative than a song at this point. You've taken the first step towards the craft of songwriting. We've all had to take that first step. Sometimes it's a long journey to maturity as an artist. Keep striving. There is definitely a song in this. You just have to chisel at the stone until you have a sculpture. You'll learn allot reading the lyrics by others.....and by reading about song structure. I hope you stay with us and grow. There is allot of emotion in your narrative. That's a great starting point. Best of luck!
  9. I love the cadence allot and the way you handled all the descriptions. It's nicely organized too. You really drive the point "headaches" home. What I like most is that it pulls me into the emotions and the feeling of being a little woozy and dealing with a world and a relationship that don't make sense. My favorite line is: "won't make sense, cause we don't". I think that's the real hook in your song. I know that would be a long title however. I think "Headaches" is fine. My favorite verse is: Got so drunk that I couldn't speakGuess the Jack just spoke for meTold you things I didn't meanNow you no longer speak to me I like the personification of the Jack speaking....saying things you didn't mean. All in all, a really fine job on this one. Should be nice to hear set to music.
  10. Leaning On A Lamppost Maybe I’m a little tipsy I’ve been drinking by myself again That’s when the lonely tears begin to flow Baby I miss you so And I took the bottle with me Didn't wanna burden all my friends Still hurting, and I just want you to know Baby I need you so Ch1 I'm leaning on a lamppost Down on Memory Lane Texting you While standing in the rain Leaning on a lamppost And I'm feeling no pain Asking you To take me back again People hold the door and ask me If I wouldn't like to step inside I say I’m waiting for someone to show Baby I can't let go But I see you looking happy While you're dancing with some other guy Don’t wanna start a fight so I'll just go Baby if you say so Ch2 I'm leaning on a lamppost Down on Memory Lane Texting you While standing in the rain Leaning on a lamppost And I'm feeling no pain Wishing you Would take me back again Br Looking in the windows Of the bar where we first met Never will forget The way your eyes matched your green dress When we were dancing on the floor And the sweet taste of your soft lips when we kissed Leaving me wanting more Ch2 More than just a little tipsy And my battery is almost gone Guess I should try to find my way back home Baby I feel so alone Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael .......................... Previously: Looking In The Windows Maybe I’m a little tipsy I’ve been drinking by myself again That’s when the lonely tears begin to flow Baby I miss you so And I took the bottle with me Didn't wanna burden all my friends Still hurting, and I just want you to know Baby I need you so Ch1 I'm looking in the windows Down on Memory Lane Texting you While standing in the rain Looking in the windows And I'm feeling no pain Asking you To take me back again People passing stop and ask me If I wanna step inside with them I say I’m waiting for someone to show Baby I can't let go I can see you looking happy Dancing in the arms your new friend Don’t wanna start a fight so I'll just go Baby if you say so Ch2 Looking in the windows Down on Memory Lane Texting you While standing in the rain Looking in the windows And I'm feeling no pain Wishing you Would take me back again Br Looking in the windows Of the bar where we first met Never will forget The way your eyes matched your green dress When we were dancing on the floor And the sweet taste of your soft lips when we kissed Leaving me wanting more Repeat Ch2 More than just a a little tipsy And my battery is almost gone Guess I should try to find my way back home Baby I feel so alone Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael ................................................................................... Previously: Leaning On A Lamppost Maybe I’m a little tipsy I’ve been drinking by myself again That’s when the lonely tears begin to flow Baby I can’t let go And I took the bottle with me Didn't wanna burden all my friends Still hurting, and I just want you to know Baby I miss you so Ch I'm leaning on a lamppost Down on Memory Lane Texting you And standing in the rain Leaning on a lamppost And I'm feeling no pain Asking you To take me back again People passing stop and ask me If I wanna step inside with them I say I’m waiting for someone to show Baby I need you so I can see you looking happy Dancing cheek to cheek with your new friend Don’t wanna start a fight so I'll just go Baby if you say so Ch Br Looking in the windows Of the bar where we first met Never will forget The way your eyes matched your green dress When we were dancing on the floor And the sweet taste of your soft lips when we kissed Leaving me wanting more Ch More than just a a little tipsy And my battery is almost gone Guess I should try to find my way back home Baby I feel so alone Copyright 2017 ~ J. W. McMichael
  11. Hi Songstuff members, My name is Joey. I'm new here, but have posted on other forums. I appreciate the opportunity and all the hard work that must have gone into developing this site. I hope I can be of help when making comments on your works as well as learn from you when posting my songs. I have already composed and written lyrics for quite a few songs that I will be recording for you to hear in the coming months. Since I have learned the hard way that it is best to get the lyric right (or close to right) before getting involved in recording a song, I will post some lyrics for final tweaking as well as brand new songs that still need allot of refinement and allot of help from my friends. I compose my music first, usually starting with groove and chord structure, then develop the melody and lyric. That's just how I have always approached songwriting. For me, the music comes easier than the lyric. Although I love the entire process of composing and honing lyrics, it's all aimed at getting something I can sing.....a song worthy of recording for others to hear. And it's a real thrill when the whole process finally comes together in a completed mix. It's a scary moment when I push the submit button on a lyric or completed recording for others to review. I'm always thrilled when I get a positive response. But I also find I learn the most and progress at the craft of songwriting when a song needs allot of further work after talented writers and composers give me their generous guidance. I will try to return the favor so we can all grow together. The way I view it, songwriting is a spiritual journey, a road to personal fulfillment, expression and communicating ideas. A song is like a ring....music is the setting and the lyric is the gem sitting on top. I think the wonderful thing about songs is that they take us on a journey to a world of emotions, ideas and stories, a world as variable as our own experiences and unique personalities. I'm looking forward to learning from you..... and hope my critiques of your songs will be helpful as well.