Max spb

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About Max spb

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    Active Member

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  • Website URL
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8chDe8CsnnhMa0rFC1smgA

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States of America

Music Background

  • Band / Artist Name
    KM Band
  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    Songwriting, Recording, Performance
  • Musical Influences
    John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Jeff Lynne, Ray Davies, Robert Smith, Martin Gore, Roger Waters

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  • Songwriting Collaboration

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    Any and All

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  1. Yes, I marked it in green on the top of it. )) 1. I left in parenthesis what I want to omit - will it be OK if I do not sing those words in the parenthesis? 2. Can I use - "the game that claims myself to you" for the meaning "the game which makes me devoted to you"? (I need the verb "claim" for rhyming reasons)
  2. Got it. Thanks a lot! Other than that... is it fine?
  3. Hello guys! This is my 4th attempt to write the lyrics for my new song. I took all suggestions that you gave me and re-did it. Could you please check if that is fine now? I left in parenthesis what I want to omit - will it be OK? Can I use - "the game that claims myself to you" for the meaning "the game which makes me devoted to you"? (I need the verb "claim" for rhyming reasons) ============================================================================== *** Inside Your Game *** Verse 1. Call me, just call me, throw at me what you're up to (it) Won't hurt me, (it) won't disturb me, (there'll be) no wondering - lie or true Play me, you can play with me, re-frame me inside your game Will get here, down on my knee, and never be the same Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again... to get to you when we're starting to play yes we're starting to play Though there's noone yet to win in this game I know I will play the same I try again... to see the light of the day but I'm willing to stay, and, I'm willing to play And though I will likely to be thrown - I don't know when or where Verse 2. Longer, days get longer, I'm longing to catch sight of you It's stronger, gets much stronger, and wronger and past due Bridge. I'm blown away with the game that claims myself to you Who can explain why I'm lost on this way and if I ever, ever will get close to you Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again... to get to you when we're starting to play yes we're starting to play I know there's no one yet to win in this game, (I) don't care - I will play the same I try again... to see the light of the day but I'm willing to stay, I am willing to play And though I will likely to be thrown - It's unknown Ending. Are lonely nights here to stay? Will I be lost in this game? Or should it get around and we'll be heading to another round Forever seasons changing one another and I'm sure that day will come The day when I hear your steps behind my door
  4. Hello! And thanks a lot for this such detailed review of yours. I got so much critiques on my first set of lyrics that I re-written most of it. I created a new set of story. If you could also check on my latest edits that would be great. I created a few questions like: 1. If I I missed any articles or used wrong prepositions? 2. I placed some words that I want to omit in parenthesis is it OK to have the lyrics without them? 3. There is one place where I provided 2 substitutes that I wanted to rhyme with word game. I am not sure if I can use word claim or aim in there. I do not want to use verb - 'devote' (I'm blown away with the game that devotes myself to you) because I need a rhyming word with 'game'. ====== Verse 1. Call me, just call me, throw at me what you're up to (It) won't hurt me, (it) won't disturb me, (there'll be) no wondering - lie or true Play me, you can play with me, re-frame me inside your game Will get here, down on my knee, and never be the same Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again... to get to you when we starting to play yes we starting to play I've heard there's no one yet to win in this game I know I will play the same I try again... to see the light of the day but I'm willing to stay, and, I'm willing to play And though I will likely to be thrown - I don't know when or where Verse 2. Longer, days get longer, I'm longing to catch sight of you It's stronger, gets much stronger, and wronger and past due Bridge. I'm blown away with the game that claims myself to you //// (or - claims me all for you) (or - aims myself to you) not sure if that is grammatically correct Who can explain why I'm lost on this way and if I ever, ever will get close to you Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). (Same as 1st) Ending. Are lonely nights here to stay? Am I vanished in this game? Or should it get around and we'll be heading to another round Forever seasons changing one another I'm sure that the day will come The day when I hear your steps behind the door ===================================== Also, I got 2 titles which one is better, or maybe there is something you would suggest? 1. Inside Your Game 2. I Try Again To Get To You
  5. Hello again guys! I re-wrote most of it. Could you please check: 1. If I I missed any articles or used wrong prepositions? 2. I placed some words that I want to omit in parenthesis is it OK to have the lyrics without them? 3. There is one place where I provided 2 substitutes that I wanted to rhyme with word game. I am not sure if I can use word claim or aim in there. I do not want to use verb - 'devote' (I'm blown away with the game that devotes myself to you) because I need a rhyming word with 'game'. Any corrections or suggestions will be very helpful! ======================================================================================================================================= Verse 1. Call me, just call me, throw at me what you're up to (It) won't hurt me, (it) won't disturb me, (there'll be) no wondering - lie or true Play me, you can play with me, re-frame me inside your game Will get here, down on my knee, and never be the same Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again... to get to you when we starting to play yes we starting to play I've heard there's no one yet to win in this game I know I will play the same I try again... to see the light of the day but I'm willing to stay, and, I'm willing to play And though I will likely to be thrown - I don't know when or where Verse 2. Longer, days get longer, I'm longing to catch sight of you It's stronger, gets much stronger, and wronger and past due Bridge. I'm blown away with the game that claims myself to you //// (or - claims me all for you) (or - aims myself to you) not sure if that is grammatically correct Who can explain why I'm lost on this way and if I ever, ever will get close to you Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). (Same as 1st) Ending. Are lonely nights here to stay? Am I vanished in this game? Or should it get around and we'll be heading to another round Forever seasons changing one another I'm sure that the day will come The day when I hear your steps behind the door ===================================== Also, I got 2 titles which one is better, or maybe there is something you would suggest? 1. Inside Your Game 2. I Try Again To Get To You
  6. Hello again guys! I re-wrote most of it. Could you please check: 1. If I I missed any articles or used wrong prepositions? 2. I placed some words that I want to omit in parenthesis is it OK to have the lyrics without them? 3. There is one place where I provided 2 substitutes that I wanted to rhyme with word game. I am not sure if I can use word claim or aim in there. I do not want to use verb - 'devote' (I'm blown away with the game that devotes myself to you) because I need a rhyming word with 'game'. Any corrections or suggestions will be very helpful! ======================================================================================================================================= Verse 1. Call me, just call me, throw at me what you're up to (It) won't hurt me, (it) won't disturb me, (there'll be) no wondering - lie or true Play me, you can play with me, re-frame me inside your game Will get here, down on my knee, and never be the same Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again... to get to you when we starting to play yes we starting to play I've heard there's no one yet to win in this game I know I will play the same I try again... to see the light of the day but I'm willing to stay, and, I'm willing to play And though I will likely to be thrown - I don't know when or where Verse 2. Longer, days get longer, I'm longing to catch sight of you It's stronger, gets much stronger, and wronger and past due Bridge. I'm blown away with the game that claims myself to you //// (or - claims me all for you) (or - aims myself to you) not sure if that is grammatically correct Who can explain why I'm lost on this way and if I ever, ever will get close to you Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). (Same as 1st) Ending. Are lonely nights here to stay? Am I vanished in this game? Or should it get around and we'll be heading to another round Forever seasons changing one another I'm sure that the day will come The day when I hear your steps behind the door ===================================== Also, I got 2 titles which one is better, or maybe there is something you would suggest? 1. Inside Your Game 2. I Try Again To Get To You
  7. Hello again guys! I re-wrote most of it. Could you please check: 1. If I I missed any articles or used wrong prepositions? 2. I placed some words that I want to omit in parenthesis is it OK to have the lyrics without them? 3. There is one place where I provided 2 substitutes that I wanted to rhyme with word game. I am not sure if I can use word claim or aim in there. I do not want to use verb - 'devote' (I'm blown away with the game that devotes myself to you) because I need a rhyming word with 'game'. Any corrections or suggestions will be very helpful! ======================================================================================================================================= Verse 1. Call me, just call me, throw at me what you're up to (It) won't hurt me, (it) won't disturb me, (there'll be) no wondering - lie or true Play me, you can play with me, re-frame me inside your game Will get here, down on my knee, and never be the same Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again... to get to you when we starting to play yes we starting to play I've heard there's no one yet to win in this game I know I will play the same I try again... to see the light of the day but I'm willing to stay, and, I'm willing to play And though I will likely to be thrown - I don't know when or where Verse 2. Longer, days get longer, I'm longing to catch sight of you It's stronger, gets much stronger, and wronger and past due Bridge. I'm blown away with the game that claims myself to you //// (or - claims me all for you) (or - aims myself to you) not sure if that is grammatically correct Who can explain why I'm lost on this way and if I ever, ever will get close to you Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). (Same as 1st) Ending. Are lonely nights here to stay? Am I vanished in this game? Or should it get around and we'll be heading to another round Forever seasons changing one another I'm sure that the day will come The day when I hear your steps behind the door ===================================== Also, I got 2 titles which one is better, or maybe there is something you would suggest? 1. Inside Your Game 2. I Try Again To Get To You
  8. Hello again guys! I re-wrote most of it. Could you please check: 1. If I I missed any articles or used wrong prepositions? 2. I placed some words that I want to omit in parenthesis is it OK to have the lyrics without them? 3. There is one place where I provided 2 substitutes that I wanted to rhyme with word game. I am not sure if I can use word claim or aim in there. I do not want to use verb - 'devote' (I'm blown away with the game that devotes myself to you) because I need a rhyming word with 'game'. Any corrections or suggestions will be very helpful! ======================================================================================================================================= Verse 1. Call me, just call me, throw at me what you're up to (It) won't hurt me, (it) won't disturb me, (there'll be) no wondering - lie or true Play me, you can play with me, re-frame me inside your game Will get here, down on my knee, and never be the same Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again... to get to you when we starting to play yes we starting to play I've heard there's no one yet to win in this game I know I will play the same I try again... to see the light of the day but I'm willing to stay, and, I'm willing to play And though I will likely to be thrown - I don't know when or where Verse 2. Longer, days get longer, I'm longing to catch sight of you It's stronger, gets much stronger, and wronger and past due Bridge. I'm blown away with the game that claims myself to you //// (or - claims me all for you) (or - aims myself to you) not sure if that is grammatically correct Who can explain why I'm lost on this way and if I ever, ever will get close to you Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). (Same as 1st) Ending. Are lonely nights here to stay? Am I vanished in this game? Or should it get around and we'll be heading to another round Forever seasons changing one another I'm sure that the day will come The day when I hear your steps behind the door ===================================== Also, I got 2 titles which one is better, or maybe there is something you would suggest? 1. Inside Your Game 2. I Try Again To Get To You
  9. In fact I appreciate it a lot. It is my 3rd attempt here on this site to check on that lyrics. I was fixing it a lot based on the peoples suggestions and thought - when I posted it here in this topic - that it was my very very last edit, when you put me down to earth that in fact even as it was very understandable for me it is absolutely not clear for anyone. I do not want to run after each listener and explain what I meant by each line - that is why your honest opinion is/was very helping. I hope once I re-write it I will get better results. In the worst case I can record it like SF and tell everyone that - "they are not on my tree" :)))
  10. Sorry that I offended you. I did not mean to troll you. Just got it wrong because English is my 2nd language. If you meant just this particular song that is a very fair statement and it was what I meant when I firstly asked if you got the right meaning from SF. That was my point that even John would write something that is not understandable even for the native speakers. I am in fact re-writing my whole lyrics because I am not able to save it by applying what other people offered to fix it with.