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Max spb

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About Max spb

  • Rank
    Active Member

Contact Methods

  • Website URL
    https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8chDe8CsnnhMa0rFC1smgA

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States of America

Music Background

  • Band / Artist Name
    KM Band
  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    Songwriting, Recording, Performance
  • Musical Influences
    John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Jeff Lynne, Ray Davies, Robert Smith, Martin Gore, Roger Waters

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Any and All

Recent Profile Visitors

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  1. Inside Your Game

    Thanks a lot for your suggestions. I do not like dark lyrics as well but sometimes it's just getting out on it's own.
  2. Inside Your Game

    Thanks for letting me know. Will call it chorus from now on.
  3. Inside Your Game

    Hello! This is the 10th iteration of my previous attempts to write a song. I am not a native English speaker so please help me to check if what I am on right now is OK to use in my song. I wanted also to thank everyone who helped me to get to this point of this song version! Those people that offered their comments and critique on previous versions. I hope you could hand me a hand one more time. ====================================== *** Inside Your Game *** Verse 1 Call me, please call me, haul me out the jail I'm in to I'm so tired, tired of watching time, while darkness grows through Play me, like I have no name, frame me inside your game Lie to me, lie but stay with me, you know, I'll never complain Refrain 1 I try again... to get to you but you're starting to play, you're starting to play And though there was no one who won in this game I'm still gonna play the same I try again... thoughts are flying away with no sign of regret with no reason to stay Want them to break free and get out, I don't care while you're still around Verse 2 Days stretching, days get longer, I'm longing to catch sight of you The feeling like storm grows stronger, its wrong and it's past due Bridge Out of my mind! Truth or lie? I have no clue. Are you on my side or am I left behind? It's so uncertain. I can't get close to you Refrain 2 I try again... to get to you but you're starting to play, yeah you're starting to play I know there was no one who won in this game I'm still gonna play the same I try again... thoughts are flying away with no sign of regret with no reason to stay Hoping to get to the firm ground. Lost or found? Ending Call me, I want you to call, my spirit burns, it needs to know I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of sitting here and just watching time Forever no season lasts but never say never I don't want to know the score, I wanna be inside your game forevermore
  4. Wicked game - Chris Isaak (cover)

    Very nice video!
  5. Mike, Thanks a lot for writing here again! I am struggling to use proper English constructions at the moment. It is my 5th lyric in English. It's like you would try to suggest someone to run gracefully when they did not learn to walk yet. I do understand your suggestions and really appreciate them and I did try to rewrite it creating more conflict however when it comes to finding a proper rhyme I have to "keep the spare" because cannot find any proper rhyme other than saying the same thing again. Some people can get away with no using rhymes at all (In my language they call it "white verse") but I just cannot break that feel that it sounds awkward. Patty helped me a lot with showing me which sentences or words constructions are wrong or would change their meaning just because you switch 2 words around in a sentence. In my native language you can move any word in a sentence in any order without any problem. If you would help me first to find a proper word construction it would be more helpful to learn good ways of using English to achieve better results in the future. BTW. Thanks a lot for giving me some words that do not exist in my vocabulary. I will read about "prosody" and see how it can help me. Also, Mike, setting aside the quality topic. Could you tell me if my last 4 lines are fine from proper English point of view? Call me, I want you to call, tell me the things I need to know I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of sitting here and watching time Forever seasons change but never say never I don't want to know the score, I wanna be inside your game forevermore
  6. Talking about the 3rd line. I want to keep word "Forever" in there for singing purposes. The seasons reference is to say that you cannot stop something that is made by the Nature.
  7. I wanted therefore replace "break" with something that is more relevant to the status of the "thoughts" that are already flying away!
  8. Patty, does the first version sound OK to you? It's just that the "thoughts are already flying away" assuming they already broke free. Didn't they? :)))
  9. Also the confusing part for me: I try again... thoughts are flying away with no sign of regret with no reason to stay Want them to break free and get out, I don't care while you're still around Can I instead say : I try again... thoughts are flying away with no sign of regret with no reason to stay Want them to set free and get out, I don't care while you're still around
  10. Patty thank you for helping! A few of my friends (also ESL) told me that the whole idea of that ending is wrong. I re-written it and changed everything except for the beginning of the 3rd line as the melody needs it. The way I re-written it this time goes like this: Call me, I want you to call, tell me the things I need to know I'm tired of being tired, I'm tired of sitting here and watching time Forever seasons change but never say never I don't want to know the score, I wanna be inside your game forevermore I can send you the ending the way I sing it if you want to hear how it goes with the melody - I just realized I can attach files here (not sure if I can send it a a personal attachment). Hope you could help me to clear that thing. BTW. Talking about "Forever seasons are changing". I thought putting "forever" in front will not change the construction you offered - "Seasons are forever changing". Or it does change it??? So confusing!
  11. Hello Patty! Sorry to bother - I am still not happy about last 4 lines. I wanted to ask you if that is OK to say "Forever seasons change" instead of your suggested "Forever seasons are changing"? Grammatically it sounds OK to me but I have no feel of the language and am afraid it is not correct. Could you help?
  12. Patty, I just wanted to make sure that the 3rd line is correct now. But if you say it is OK. I am fine with it too. ) Thanks again for helping me fixing the wrong grammar and for wishing me good luck!!! I am not a big expert obviously but if I can be helpful in a way in reading any of your lyrics let me know I'll do my best and provide my honest ESL person opinion! )
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