Max spb

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Everything posted by Max spb

  1. Hello Everyone! Could you please check up my final lyrics edit. I squeezed some words in to make the message I want to deliver more clear. Please let me know if there is still something that is unclear or/and can be altered to make it more clear or poetic. Thank you. ============================= *** All Night *** Verse 1. Rolling, I'm rolling, flowing through the night And falling deep I'm falling, blowing my mind Playing, for long I am playing, raying the bright And saying words I'm saying conveying them right Refrain (2 vocals sing simultaneously). I try again to get to you when I'm flying away yes I am flying away And if no one in the world finds the way who's going to save the day I try again and again to see the light of the day and I'm flying away When the night meets the day and when I see that it glows I know I'm there Verse 2. Straying, I'm straying, swaying from side to side And staying, I'm staying delaying the flight Bridge. What keeps away the bad things casting shade on anyone? Who can explain why some things make up your day And then tomorrow you still got something you want? Ending. When night comes in to stay, you think it'll never fade And nothing saves you more but I can see the light fall on your door Forever seasons changing one another and I'm sure a day will come I know that a shiny tender day will come
  2. Hey, I really like the way you put it. I actually had a similar feeling before I read how Lennon explains every line. )
  3. Got it! Thanks a lot! Just wanted to ask in this sense - does Lennon's Strawberry Fields lyrics is something you would understand unless he would explain every line? I do not compare myself to John, but just curious if Strawberry Fields makes sense to you as a native speaker?
  4. Thank you, Juin. Let me explain and see if you could suggest something instead to make it more clear 1. He flies away from the night to see the day and when he sees something is glowing he knows he got to the right place. 2. He is playing the music and "raying" (projecting rays of bright things like The Sun does) ray is used like a verb here
  5. I was not able to understand if the lyrics critique section was closed and archived. If it is not the case which is the right section for the lyrics review now? also, the same question if you could help me - Can word - "rolling" mean driving on a highway???
  6. Thank you MonoStone. I am thinking if I do need to do a big edit or just hope that the feeling and emotions will make it right. BTW english is my 2nd language, so could you clear it for me - Can word - "rolling" mean driving on a highway???
  7. Thank you for this honest review. It does seem controversial. But this kinda what this song is about you are torn apart with the things you want and you do. Because the negative thinking when you think everything is bad, I am in deep shit, replacing positive thoughts. when you say to yourself things will get OK. A day will replace the night that seems to be never ending. Also, he flies away but then stays - delaying the flight. I guess one should not explain what the message is if you cannot get it without explanation. Thanks again I will think it over. )))
  8. Amazing!
  9. Liked it a lot! One thing that I would change for myself (as it always happen to me when I hear it) is the "bitch" word. I would replace it with a more distant analog word. I do not have any good substitute. The first thing that comes to my mind is 'beast' but I am not sure if it fits in meaning wise. Other than that it is great for me!
  10. Great work and I liked the story (Dylan like story ) and would not change anything. The only part that I wanted to alter was: "I was home with our newborn; so I didn’t read the signs" I am not sure if music allows it but I would remove "so" holding words till "I didn't" kicks in. Something like : "I was home with our newborn, ..... I didn’t read the signs" If you really need to squeeze in something instead of "so" use "and": "I was home with our newborn, and I didn’t read the signs"
  11. Hello my name is Max. I play guitar, bass (very little piano, drums, harmonica). I am self taught. I write songs mostly in my native Russian language but would like to do it in English. Since English is my 2nd language I hope to find help on my English lyrics here hopefully from native English speaking people or anyone who has a good feel on it. I will try to do my best and provide a feedback on other people work. I play sometimes with my band. We do some cover songs as well as some of mine. Here is the link to our channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE3ZQxoXH0hgBbwhzy6sboA I also released an album a few months ago. It is mostly in Russian with just one song in English. Here is the link to the album on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/maks-tecosvili/id1076199570 Here is the link to my fav song on the album on youtube:
  12. TY John!