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neptune

Noob
  • Content count

    14
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  • Days Won

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neptune last won the day on February 19

neptune had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

9 Neutral

About neptune

  • Rank
    Noob

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    England (UK)

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    Lyricist.
  • Musical Influences
    seventies rock, seventies folk,Pink Floyd, Joan Armatrading, Adele, Emile Sande, frank Sinatra, cat Stevens,

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Give It To Me Both Barrels
  1. I love it, really chilled. I could listen to this over and over. I to think that the instrumental break could be developed a little but other than that!!! well done man. May your musical career flourish.
  2. OK, my bad. Cee lo Green is a guy!! Doh.
  3. Thinking the "and" tension is fine and depending on how the melody goes can be trimmed or changed at that time. Tried thinking through what else could draw the tension but decided the music could define it clearly. Hi Peggy, Thank's for the feedback, I'll leave things as they are then, and see how we go. I can imagine a fun production for this lyric and a dynamic female vocalist for it as well: I'm getting a Cee Lo Green, "Forget You," vibe from it. Fun and full of attitude. I also don't see any issue with the four, "And's." But ultimately, the melody will make it or break it. Hi InKeN' thank's for the welcome and for your comment's. A fun song is what I have in mind. we'll see how it goe's. I'm going to check out Cee lo Green as I'm not familiar with her work.
  4. I really like this, I sense a good song here. The lyrics have a transcendent feel as though they are taking you somewhere. Well done to on the non rhyming theme. I know how tempting it is to rhyme as the little devils keep poping into your head as you write don't they!! will you post this as a finished song? I'd really like to hear it.
  5. WoW, I hope this is not autobiographical!! Strong words and dark deed's my friend. It scans pretty well, but for me it sticks on the line "Now I can't even get high" so maybe rethink that line. I agree with the simple chord progression which you could alter as you go down with a couple of inversion or sus chords to add variation. Oddly though I see it as an acoustic song, I think it would be far more effective. Good luck on your journey.
  6. Thanks Chicken picker and Peggy for your kind word's, It's the first time I've put my lyrics out there so it's good to get some encouragement. I'm not sure about the "4" and's in the chorus though, I put them in to build tension, but still not sure if it will work.What say you? I'm working on chords and a melody but that's a slow and painful process for me.
  7. cheer's, good to be aboard.
  8. Hi, I wrote this about a female friend of mine who finding herself at 30something and young, free and single again, was having the time of her life. SIngle gIrls I don’t feel the need for permanent attraction I just roll the dice when I want a little action (verse one) I’m my own girl I like it this way It’s my own decision if I want a guy to stay See I’m a single girl And And And And Single girls don’t get hurt (chorus) Single girls stay sharp Single girls have loads of fun Single girls stay young-young-young I don’t need a man hanging helpless from my sleeve Always on the phone saying baby who you seen (verse two) I’m my own girl Won’t let him drag me down Kicking up a tantrum Coz I left him on his own See I’m a single girl And And And And Single girls don’t get hurt (chorus) Single girls stay sharp Single girls have loads of fun Single girls stay young-young-young I’m a single girl I pay my own way I’ve no lover’s obligations No-one holding up my day (bridge) Life’s a gas I never cry No need to explain Never need a reason why I like the week-end When I can rise late Put my butt in the tub and luxuriate (verse three) I don’t need a pouty face Pointing out my time is flying Jiving me to hurry on Saying that his day is dying See I’m a single girl And And And And Single girls don’t get hurt (chorus) Single girls stay sharp Single girls have loads of fun Single girls stay young-young-young
  9. Cheer's, thanks for the heads- up
  10. Hi Priyan, I like this, you sing well, the lyrics are thoughtful and the production is good. reminds me a little of the Moody Blues from way back when. I would have liked a little more lyrical content, but that's just me being picky. the only section that did'nt work for me was the electric guitar at the end. I think an acoustic solo would have worked better for you. Keep making music though, the world needs music not money!!
  11. Thanks, it suits an old fossil like me!! I'm going to check out some of your links when i have a mo' seems that we have lyrics in common.
  12. Thanks Richard, I'm looking forward to the journey.
  13. Hi Guys, this is the first time I've posted lyrics for critique, so be gentle with me!!, Nah, not really, just go for it. A little time apart Some-one we both know Saw you with another girl Saw you smile at her The way you smile at me (verse 1) Saw you take her hand in yours With the look i so adore Watched you pull her in so tight Felt the tug of love between you A little time apart you said Just to straighten out your head A little space To clear your thoughts (chorus) To make things right To bring us closer I believed you all the way I believed until today You never expressed doubts Never said you wanted out We carried on with our love play Most every night-most every day (verse 2) I never guessed-never realized You’d turned your eyes away from me Your love another’s destiny The heat I felt for her not me A little time apart you said Just to straighten out your head A little space To clear your thoughts (chorus) To make things right To bring us closer I believed you all the way I believed until today Only yesterday I was your hearts entirety Your desire for me- my security So tell me my sweet boy Why your love has slipped away (bridge) Tell me why I’m all alone Tell me why you won’t be home A little time apart you said Just to straighten out your head A little space To clear your thoughts (chorus) To make things right To bring us closer I believed you all the way I believed until today Only the thought of your return Has kept me free-kept me warm Only your scent around our bed Has seen me through until the dawn (verse 3) Didn’t feel you slipping away Never imagined your passion would cool Now I lay here holding myself My aching heart the bigger fool A little time apart you said Just to straighten out your head A little space To clear your thoughts (chorus) To make things right To bring us closer I believed you all the way I believed until today
  14. Hi, Neptune here (used to live by the sea)!!! I live in Essex in the UK and to keep the wolves from the door i cook for a bunch of folk who live in a nearby community. This is my first ever go at communicating with other like minded souls who conjure up words and tunes and put them together to make sweet music. What a hellish place our planet would be without it . I’ve had music in me for as long as I can remember but never had the confidence to put stuff out there. I’m a bit of an old dude now (child of the Seventies) so it’s now or never. I play guitar and I’m lucky enough to have a couple of really decent instruments but really I’m into writing lyrics, they’re my real passion. I’m looking forward to receiving critique from other members and maybe find some musical collaborators and I hope to be able to make a positive contribution to the community. OK, I’m rambling so I’ll sign off by saying, pleased to meet you all, glad to be here, looking forward to hearing your voices.