John Craig

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About John Craig

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    Male
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    Scotland (UK)
  1. Hello CCL, comment by ZYZZYVA is very pertinent. What you've got looks like a goldmine in a mine field atm. Needs a lot stripping out, but carefully so as not to destroy best content. Maybe try a melody in your mind to set it to, something you already know to hang the words on. Hope this helps. John ( another noob)
  2. Many thanks TJ, I've taken it as far as it will go I reckon. You're right, a pretty brisk delivery would be required, though I hadn't considered Country Rap. I think I'll just tidy it up now and archive it. It's clashing in my mind with another idea, so time to go. regards, John.
  3. Thanks for that look and opinion; obviously given things more than a passing glance. As mentioned by myself previously, I should have put up some sort of intro. to the thinking behind the song; problem here that in reality there wasn't any. It just appeared over a couple of days and I only added V5 a few weeks later as it looked far too short. Now,I'm waiting for another Earl Scruggs to come along to put it all right musically. Time wise I reckon ( with what's in my head ) to have about two minutes of singing without any instrumental in fill so I'm looking for it to be a snappy piece.The thinking on the repetitive last two lines, was that they would hopefully be an anchor without resorting to a chorus. Even considered doubling up the last line for further emphasis/ extension. Hope this clarifies my intention. Regards, John.
  4. First class and a straight through read. A good fix on chorus line two hiccup. John Craig.
  5. Thanks Tom, a grammatical tidy up on the way. Got a good laugh in the critique with Timbre's observations/ reservations on using "bro" which is valid, but looked at some of your interaction lately and it's peppered with bro. Horses for courses I suppose.. I'm to lyric writing what "free climbing" is to mountaineering atm and probably exasperating as I've got a touch of good old Asperger's which makes me " lock on". Tutoring helpful, just go easy on the cattle prod. regards, John.
  6. Hi Tom, just a suggested tickle to V2. from " Waiting to drift away too" to "Waiting too to drift away". Good piece though, Regards, John.
  7. Thanks Neil, I've looked at a couple of your works and you seem able to produce at a minimalist level which I can't match. This is my first attempt and it's a pretty simplistic one, an old fashioned country rocker/ bluegrass effort envisaged. What I've got to date , with assistance, I'm now personally pretty happy with as it falls in nicely with a pretty simple melody running in my head. No musical ability whatsoever though, so work to be done, but thanks for the input. Regards, John.
  8. Many thanks Peggy, I'm getting good advice here and it seems to be the simplest little touch here and there that makes all the difference. The removal of the gender specific 'boy's a prime example of how to open out appeal yet nowadays, 'guy's gender neutral and OK. It's the little such nuances that make all the difference for which many thanks. regards, John Craig.
  9. Two lovely verses there to build on. Chorus didn't run well for me with " you're the best person I know" and "I wish you better than me" . Too self deprecating ? just chop the "than me" for starters ? regards, John.
  10. Now de- bro'd . Will the Bros ever forgive me ?
  11. As previous critique suggests, there's a world of interpretation in this piece and all the better for it. I wouldn't feel capable of offering too much input, but a little bit of smoothing of V2. "We were on the same side now the gap's a mile wide." Swap to "the gaps now a mile wide " and chop the there's from "There's no pint in fighting what's already died ". regards, John.
  12. Excellent response for which my thanks. It's a sort of update on Oki from Muskogee I suppose, hence the squeeze on hip hop , rap and drugs culture in general; not that it started out that way. I don't think guys from that culture would be particularly offended though given their output. I dropped a couple of "bros" courtesy of Just1L's critique as I'd been pretty lazy with it, but "bro" is pretty well embedded across cultures now, even hear it here in rural Scotland. Besides, think of Charlie Pride. The live fast, die young observation is also valid. What I've put out looks a bit like something from a revival meeting, but as I said it's a sort of Oki from Muskogee theme. Maybe I should have given it a write up prior to posting, but I was a bit nervy with this first attempt. Again many thanks for taking the time on this. regards, John.
  13. I stumbled on the "what of what will be" line as well so went back to previous line for. " I know all we've been through you know what will be ". suggesting I know the past, you know the future. Hope this helps. regards, John.
  14. Good point and an easy fix. Still paring it down; hopefully not too much though as it runs pretty short on time. About 2 mins. without instrumental input. Many thanks, John.
  15. Welcome to the human race boy, are you fit to run. A word of warning here though they start races with a gun. And if you want to be a winner don't try to run too fast, the winner in this race boy is the guy who comes in last. And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control, stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll. Hip hoppin, body poppin, dancing like a fool, jive talkin, moon walkin , thinkin that you're cool. The little pills you're takin though, fresh made in the lab., are goin to speed you up some till you end up on the slab. So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control, stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll. White lines sometimes keep you on the straight, but sometimes little white lines lead you to your fate. Take you down a road that's gonna end in harm, face down in the gutter with a needle in your arm. And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control, stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll. Gangsta rappin, finger snappin talkin like you're hard, double tapped and six feet down in some bad bastard's yard, Don't race with the devil he's got evil in his name, stick to what you know is right and folks who think the same. And if you want to cross the finish line completely in control, stick to country music, whisky and a little rock and roll. Now you're doin very well, you're runnin smooth and fine, don't think about the future, just enjoy your time. The Gypsy Lady's crystal ball is quite good for a laugh, but crystal can be tricky stuff, cut your life in half. So if you want to cross the finish line completely in control, stick to country music whisky and a little rock and roll. But at last you made it ,you're at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter's lookin at his watch and thinkin " Christ you're late". And when Saint Peter asks you what you've done that he should save your soul, say you've done country music, whisky and a little rock and roll. Just country music, whisky and a little rock and roll.