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John Craig

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About John Craig

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    Scotland (UK)
  1. My attempt at 1st verse first David. My attempt at 2nd verse V3 a simple line swap When I step out on the highway It's hot this early mornin, It's way too early mornin' will I ever make it home. an' noontime hotter still. to be on my torn down way. Two thousand miles a long way, Hopin' someone will pull over So I'll just get goin' why did I ever roam ? get that air conditioned chill. ain't got nowhere I can stay. Probably as much as you need ATM David, but I also like Philjo's idea above. regards, John. PS. Blues frequently sung in a "talking" / conversational style with immediate line repeats repeats; anything goes.
  2. Nothing wrong with cllches and stereotypes for some markets. Novel idea and feel good factor what the market looking for.
  3. Congratulations on this one; a straight through effort painting pictures all the way, with plenty of feel good factor.
  4. Hi Mike, you read me well. Yes the guy is teetering on the brink, but not necessarily a psychopath. Like so many he's played by the rules and it's been his downfall. In saying that you have to ask is he speaking for himself, or is he speaking for a nation, these are troubled times. For that reason, I'm a bit wary of turning out anything too explicit. I think we see so much that is unwanted atm. 'Hazard' an old favourite by the way with the 'killer' ending. It's early days though on this ; just took Timbre's and Scotsman's advice and tidied up the ghastly " so that I might happy be". Can't believe I wrote that. #lazysod
  5. Thanks for input from you guys. Timbre you hit the nail on the head with "I might happy be". Really stuck with this "I might be happEEEE" being my only alternative so far ( sounds of choked laughter) Same with "his will make you sore". Must try harder. Servus, Correct with observation on a world that disenfranchises people by telling them to toe the line. LOVE your confidence in my work; many thanks. Philjo. Correct also in that same way. Just an outburst against the political correctness that has brought society down by telling us to accept insult and threat as normal.
  6. Firstly, to John; yes it's a pretty dark piece suggesting the Lord should get his act together. These are dark times though. The meter count of which I know Zero might not be too relevant. Written as an old twelve bar blues style and exponents stretch and clip lyrics to suit their instrumental input, so not too big a problem I reckon. Secondly to Orsen, thanks for supportive comment. Thirdly, to both you guys, thanks for looking
  7. Hello there John, this is only the second of your works I've looked at and once again( like others) I'm really impressed by your choruses and the bridge in this one. I was hearing this as Don Williams 'Amanda' . Had trouble in V1 with " my glass is half full" though. Best I could manage was "my glass is brim full". "Full" seems to be the hurdle here. Looking forward to seeing this one develop to it's full potential. John C.
  8. First class chorus,almost impossible to lose,but short on verses. How about combining existing verses1&2 for starters to get one meaty verse, then you have half of second verse to flesh out to a second verse,leaving one more verse to find. 9 lines to find in total and they're probably closer than you think. John Craig.
  9. I'm Comin After You.( old style blues; slide guitar effort ) V1 I was born into a world full of darkness, full of pain, a world cold and lonely, a world quite insane. But you said that if I prayed to you Lord, you would set me free, so I gave it my best shot Lord looking for tranquility. V2 But nothing in my life changed , in fact my life got worse, so you told me to pray harder to try and lift the curse. When they struck me with their whips lord you said turn the other cheek When they took away my pride lord you said blessed are the meek. V3 But they took away my money Lord, they took away my land. They took away the food that I had gathered with my hands And I could not feed my children, they lie dying at my feet, But you told me to keep praying and the angels I would meet. V4 So it's all been one way traffic Lord and this will make you sore, but I'm goin to pick a gun up and I'll even up the score. And when I've put them down Lord I've got one thing left to do, so you'd better star a runnin cos I'm comin after you . V5 It was you who taught me wrong lord, stopped me being a man. Taught me to how to bow down to the evil in the land. But hard times are comin your way Lord, I'm lookin out for me and when you meet me one last time pure evil you will see. I'm not goin to live forever lord and when my time is through' I'll be comin after justice, I'll be comin after you.
  10. Good looking catchy piece. A couple of suggestions : - V1 The bright lights of Texas calling out my name. and cowboys, horses rodeos and rides upon the plain. Chorus I wanna be a ranger, the open roads to ride trying all the finer things that Texas oil provides. I also think for some genres, you don't have to be too analytical. Let's face it, if Marc Bolan got away with " Did you ever see a woman coming out of New York city with a frog in her hand" or some such like, there's hope for us all.
  11. Patty, my apologies for late response. The world of electronics is failing me badly at this time( laptop, car, mp3, phone, all unwell). Just a reiteration of my admiration for your first version. The confessional with two women,coffee cups / drinks, cigarettes, in close conversation is a very strong picture.Lyrics sung by Sade to enhance it. As previously suggested the bridge from version 2 would fit nicely and "What's the answer to the question" as a trim on the second last line of last verse. Whatever else transpires, keep version one in your sights.Sweet and simple.
  12. I've flipped back and forward on the two versions and I find myself drawn strongly to the first. It suggests genuine experience, something believable that people would pick up on/ relate to yet it is expressed in simple terms. Some filling out , possibly employing the bridge from the second version? Version two seems too demanding, although it might have more appeal if I hadn't seen version one. It has so much promise, but throws up a lot of hurdles / nuances to telling the same story. Is it too clever
  13. Hello there to both Summer Days and Pattie. Firstly sincere apologies for delayed replies. My laptop had a mid life crisis and has now decided it is to be known as "George Foreman Grill" in future. Got a "cooler" one now though ( read that as cheap as can be) so back in business. My thanks to you both for encouraging and worthwhile input, particularly Pattie's who seems to have spotted my mindset on this pretty accurately. As stated previously, I think I'll put this to bed, so my thanks to all for assistance.
  14. Hello CCL, comment by ZYZZYVA is very pertinent. What you've got looks like a goldmine in a mine field atm. Needs a lot stripping out, but carefully so as not to destroy best content. Maybe try a melody in your mind to set it to, something you already know to hang the words on. Hope this helps. John ( another noob)
  15. Many thanks TJ, I've taken it as far as it will go I reckon. You're right, a pretty brisk delivery would be required, though I hadn't considered Country Rap. I think I'll just tidy it up now and archive it. It's clashing in my mind with another idea, so time to go. regards, John.