Nousevas

Noob
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About Nousevas

  • Rank
    Noob

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Finland

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested With Written Agreement

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Detailed
  1. Here's another song I wrote. It has a funny title (not Autumn Leaves, but Autumn Left). A very Finnish song, as we have hard winters sometimes here. Tell me, what you guys think and if there's something that needs to be changed about the song. Autumn Left Verse 1 The leaves have fallen, the ground has frozen I've just woken and my heart is broken She just left our home without any kind of note I have the driest throat as I grab my coat Someone help me Chorus Autumn left, I said Autumn has forsaken me Autumn left and so did she Autumn left, I said Autumn has forsaken me Autumn left and so did she Verse 2 I'm plowing the snow feeling cold and all alone The piles are overblown, oh give a dog a bone I haven't slept in days, I've gone to my own ways This feeling stays and stays, love is such a maze Someone help me Chorus Autumn left, I said Autumn has forsaken me Autumn left and so did she Autumn left, I said Autumn has forsaken me Autumn left and so did she Bridge Where did she go? I don't even know To New Mexico? Or to Tokyo? Why did she leave me? What did I do wrong? And why does this damned winter feel so long? Chorus Autumn left, I said Autumn has forsaken me Autumn left and so did she Autumn left, I said Autumn has forsaken me Autumn left and so did she
  2. Hi! I think the verses are very unique and cool. I like the time jumps between them an how each of the relationships are different. The title/hook isn't exactly descriptive of the verses, but still works (why do friendships hurt, isn't it leaving the friendships that hurt?). I agree with HoboSage about the "friends move on"-line, that it could also be changed. The chorus otherwise is good. I liked the song overall very much, nice job! This wasn't exactly much of a critique, but I didn't find too much to criticize.
  3. Hello! The song's idea is very clear, which is good. The lyric is quite attacking, so the song could maybe have aggressive guitar riff's on the background or something like that. The first critique that comes to mind, is that you could put the verse lines like this: "It don't count for nothing if you risk your life for something that ain't worth dying for" because it makes the singers job easier, as it's easier to read, they see easier where to take breath or have a longer note. The first verse seems to be about the army risking their lives for the sissies. I like the second and the third line the best, they both have an interesting thought in them. However the fourth line seems to be a bit weird, as I don't get what happened fourteen centuries ago. Why exactly fourteen centuries ago? Also, if my thoughts about the army being part of the verse is true, maybe mention them in the lines somewhere to make it really clear? The chorus is okay, the lines rhyme, but I don't know if the hook "The life ain't for sissies" is strong enough. It doesn't pop out to me. But that's just my point of view, for other's it may work. The last line of the chorus is good. The 2nd verse is about straightly dissing the sissies. Te change of thought between the verses is good. I liked the idea behind the first verse more, but the second verse is still better,, because all the lines are easy to understand. The bridge talks about the view of point of "us". The idea works as well. The second line is the strongest. In conclusion, The song's idea is good, the first verse is the one I would maybe think most about. The theme of the verse is good (being in an army protecting sissies isn't worth it), but it it doesn't work perfectly yet. The chorus is okay, but I think you could find a stronger one. If you work on these, the song will be better in my opinion.
  4. Wrote another version where the song's idea is much clearer. Thanks again for the critique! The Phone People Verse 1 No talking in the bus Everybody with earbuds Going on the daily route Everyone has a role I can’t understand it This is no theater show But still I follow the norm Chorus Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up When they’re drunk Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up When they’re drunk Verse 2 Again I’m in a train A long way to Helsinki There’s a girl in front of me Wonder what she’s thinking I feel this is messed up When you can’t start a conversation Although we’re both really bored Chorus Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up When they’re drunk Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up When they’re drunk Bridge My phone rings, it’s my friend And I can finally talk, that is real neat I tell her I’m coming to the show To play some rock ‘n’ roll The call ends, back to silence The girl in front of me starts smiling We’re going to the same show apparently The ice breaks, we’re free to talk That wasn’t so hard Chorus Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up When they’re drunk Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up When they’re drunk
  5. Thanks for those points. You get sometimes blind to your text. I wrote this as a rap song, and it has too much thinking and way too many topics behind it. Maybe there's a pop song buried in there somewhere. I should focus on that main point of the phone people and put the rest to sleep.
  6. Interesting and rich lyrics. If I had to find something to critique, it would be that it's not quite clear what "Radio free world" means, is it a radio station or something like that? The thing the verses were describing sounded like some naughty business, and the chorus ells you it's Radio Free World. Or does it mean, that it's a World without radio, where the music roams wild? If that's the case, the song makes sence. But I had to stop to think about it, which could be a good thing in this genre. The verses are interesting and drive the idea home. The bridge-line "I don't put black bars anywhere" is the weirdest in the song in my opinion, it feels like it could be replaced. But it still works as it is. Nice job! Liked the music too.
  7. Hi! I like the original chorus better, maybe because I like rhymes, almost too much. The song is pretty coherent. I would maybe change the bridge idea to the 2nd verse, and put the lines about how the singer has changed to the bridge. That way the bridge would bring a new idea to the song. So that it would be that the verses would be about the other person, and the bridge would be about the singer. I put an example below. The song feels like it's almost ready, but it would be nice, if it had some surprise for example, or something to keep the listener listening. Maybe even more drama, like describing how painful it is to lose someone. Overall a great lyric and "The Bitter Pill" is a good hook and title. The chorus shines especially. And I hope you get it recorded, with maybe a few little changes. Verse 2; I have to say, blue skies are grey The days grow old and nights are cold I have to say, in disarray Without one good reason why Without one last kiss goodbye How am i supposed to feel Bridge; I’m not the same, as i’ve been told And it’s a shame i lost my soul I have to say, i’m not okay I have to say, i’m not okay
  8. Hello, this is my first lyric that I've posted here, wishing for critique. I've read the 2:1 ratio rule, so I'll be reviewing other people's lyrics too here. The song is about frustration and the modern World, where there's such a hurry to go everywhere and everyone is so cold to each other. I'm pretty pleased with the song, but the verses are a bit random, bouncing around with different topics. Maybe they could be more on one topic? I don't know. I'm really excited to hear criticism, since I don't have many songwriter-buddies myself in real life. The Phone People Verse 1 We’re going forward without asking any help No one would help you, even if you asked The frustrated color is darkened red My partner’s much better than yours in bed Everlasting envy and fighting Solidarity, who cares about that? Everybody carries the cape of a stranger Hitting hard nails to their hands Going with an escalator towards the light We are martyrs, but winners on the outside This or that, we’re all going to die So why won’t we live, but why we just lie? Any creativity isn’t appreciated Even the good things are criticized I guess it tells something about being a Finn About the new World and the eternity Chorus I almost wish for better feelings Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up when they’re drunk And then the ship has been sunk I almost wish for better feelings Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up when they’re drunk Verse 2 You can’t do anything without someone being against it The ones opposing you aren’t often thirsty Actually the thirst is huge, hungry as well They just don’t have the guts to do things Or then they can’t pay the price of work A job is a job, it gets you sweaty Straighten yourself and run full speed towards a wall Critique doesn’t matter, a loser loses everything But so do the winners, at least I think so When your head is grey and your life is uncertain The state is weird and everyone wants strange cars Nobody smells the awful smell of karma The stink that reaches Australia Everyone continues their struggle always here It could be time to change some attitudes Or there’s no weapons against this position Chorus I almost wish for better feelings Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up when they’re drunk And then the ship has been sunk I almost wish for better feelings Hearts are full of empty holes The phone people only open up when they’re drunk
  9. Hello everyone! I'm a dude from Finland. I play bass and write songs about various topics, like protest-songs, love songs and rap songs with random rhymes. I write songs with a quantity-mentality, as in I just write, and don't want to get stuck on any one song. I've been doing this for 6 years, and am looking for collaborations. I also want to get better and accept a lot of criticism. I have a duo with my friend, but am always open for collaborations. I'd like to get some new friends an get my lyrics critiqued here. I also like to read other people's lyrics' and analyze them. I'm not as fluent in English as in Finnish, so help with lyrics is appreciated from that angle also.