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Nousevas

Noob
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    11
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About Nousevas

  • Rank
    Noob

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    Finland

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested With Written Agreement

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Detailed
  1. Version two, I added some Earth-related metaphors and expressions (I'm your rock, like a brick wall, grow on the soil, if I was a mountain, on firm ground), and I like this version better than the last one. I also added some story (she followed him to a party to see, if he was cheating). This was an interesting challenge. I had to really think about Earth-related expressions, since I normally write very straight-forward and simple. What On Earth Verse 1 I’m not a cheater man I’m your rock, that’s my only plan Like a brick wall I’ll stand up to you But you don’t think I’m being true You’re always checking my phone Seeing, if I’m tagged in a photo It’s pretty annoying to be honest This wasn’t the treatment I was promised Chorus What on Earth are you talking about What on Earth, are you still on the doubt About me and my intentions That is totally the wrong direction Verse 2 A little jealousy is just fine But it has to be grounded on something The roots must grow on the soil But I’m only yours to spoil You followed me into the party Where I just drank with my friends Basically stalking me Who am I supposed to be with? Bridge If I was a mountain, you would be on top of me Jumping around and no letting me be I don’t know what I’m supposed to do I’m on firm ground and I’d hope you would be too Chorus What on Earth are you talking about What on Earth, are you still on the doubt About me and my intentions That is totally the wrong direction (Modulate to higher) What on Earth are you talking about What on Earth, are you still on the doubt About me and my intentions That is totally the wrong direction
  2. Friendship Hurts If You Do It Right

    Hi! I think the verses are very unique and cool. I like the time jumps between them an how each of the relationships are different. The title/hook isn't exactly descriptive of the verses, but still works (why do friendships hurt, isn't it leaving the friendships that hurt?). I agree with HoboSage about the "friends move on"-line, that it could also be changed. The chorus otherwise is good. I liked the song overall very much, nice job! This wasn't exactly much of a critique, but I didn't find too much to criticize.
  3. Hi, I wrote lyrics, where I used Earth in the title and as a hook. Though the whole song isn't about Earth, I hope this approves. What On Earth Verse 1 I’m not a cheater man This love is my only plan I didn’t fight in Afganistan But I still see bullets in your hand You’re always checking my phone Seeing, if I’m tagged in a photo I won’t ever leave you alone You’re my only gemstone Chorus What on Earth are you talking about What on Earth, are you still on the doubt About me and my intentions That is totally the wrong direction Verse 2 A little jealousy is just fine But my God, are there any kind of signs Of me being culpable That is improbable I have high morals, yes I tell you everything, so you don’t have to guess Because I want only you And that’s why ‘ll stay true Chorus What on Earth are you talking about What on Earth, are you still on the doubt About me and my intentions That is totally the wrong direction Bridge Baby, you’re driving me crazy Do you always have to be so hasty? I always call, if I’m late You don’t have to regulate Chorus What on Earth are you talking about What on Earth, are you still on the doubt About me and my intentions That is totally the wrong direction (modulate to higher) What on Earth are you talking about What on Earth, are you still on the doubt About me and my intentions That is totally the wrong direction
  4. Life Ain't For Sissies

    Hello! The song's idea is very clear, which is good. The lyric is quite attacking, so the song could maybe have aggressive guitar riff's on the background or something like that. The first critique that comes to mind, is that you could put the verse lines like this: "It don't count for nothing if you risk your life for something that ain't worth dying for" because it makes the singers job easier, as it's easier to read, they see easier where to take breath or have a longer note. The first verse seems to be about the army risking their lives for the sissies. I like the second and the third line the best, they both have an interesting thought in them. However the fourth line seems to be a bit weird, as I don't get what happened fourteen centuries ago. Why exactly fourteen centuries ago? Also, if my thoughts about the army being part of the verse is true, maybe mention them in the lines somewhere to make it really clear? The chorus is okay, the lines rhyme, but I don't know if the hook "The life ain't for sissies" is strong enough. It doesn't pop out to me. But that's just my point of view, for other's it may work. The last line of the chorus is good. The 2nd verse is about straightly dissing the sissies. Te change of thought between the verses is good. I liked the idea behind the first verse more, but the second verse is still better,, because all the lines are easy to understand. The bridge talks about the view of point of "us". The idea works as well. The second line is the strongest. In conclusion, The song's idea is good, the first verse is the one I would maybe think most about. The theme of the verse is good (being in an army protecting sissies isn't worth it), but it it doesn't work perfectly yet. The chorus is okay, but I think you could find a stronger one. If you work on these, the song will be better in my opinion.
  5. RADIO FREE WORLD lyrics

    Interesting and rich lyrics. If I had to find something to critique, it would be that it's not quite clear what "Radio free world" means, is it a radio station or something like that? The thing the verses were describing sounded like some naughty business, and the chorus ells you it's Radio Free World. Or does it mean, that it's a World without radio, where the music roams wild? If that's the case, the song makes sence. But I had to stop to think about it, which could be a good thing in this genre. The verses are interesting and drive the idea home. The bridge-line "I don't put black bars anywhere" is the weirdest in the song in my opinion, it feels like it could be replaced. But it still works as it is. Nice job! Liked the music too.
  6. "Bitter Pill" rewrite

    Hi! I like the original chorus better, maybe because I like rhymes, almost too much. The song is pretty coherent. I would maybe change the bridge idea to the 2nd verse, and put the lines about how the singer has changed to the bridge. That way the bridge would bring a new idea to the song. So that it would be that the verses would be about the other person, and the bridge would be about the singer. I put an example below. The song feels like it's almost ready, but it would be nice, if it had some surprise for example, or something to keep the listener listening. Maybe even more drama, like describing how painful it is to lose someone. Overall a great lyric and "The Bitter Pill" is a good hook and title. The chorus shines especially. And I hope you get it recorded, with maybe a few little changes. Verse 2; I have to say, blue skies are grey The days grow old and nights are cold I have to say, in disarray Without one good reason why Without one last kiss goodbye How am i supposed to feel Bridge; I’m not the same, as i’ve been told And it’s a shame i lost my soul I have to say, i’m not okay I have to say, i’m not okay
  7. Dude from Finland

    Hello everyone! I'm a dude from Finland. I play bass and write songs about various topics, like protest-songs, love songs and rap songs with random rhymes. I write songs with a quantity-mentality, as in I just write, and don't want to get stuck on any one song. I've been doing this for 6 years, and am looking for collaborations. I also want to get better and accept a lot of criticism. I have a duo with my friend, but am always open for collaborations. I'd like to get some new friends an get my lyrics critiqued here. I also like to read other people's lyrics' and analyze them. I'm not as fluent in English as in Finnish, so help with lyrics is appreciated from that angle also.
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