kenapayne

Noob
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    18
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About kenapayne

  • Rank
    Noob

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    United States of America

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Any and All
  1. Thanks for the feedback Will, it is a demo but your comments about the mix are appreciated. All the music is recorded by me...a very mediocre guitar player and singer. I agree that some guitar or other instruments sprinkled in for flavor will help the song. I'm not likely to be happy with a song that doesn't work without additional accompaniment, though. But I appreciate the comment!
  2. Hi Songstuff community, your feedback is super appreciated. Breaking Blue One last call for all my lost causes One more shot to give all I got for a chance One last fall, on the floor I get up and, take one more Another day I fail to erase my regret Another way I try to make myself forget I was on the side, of the road You were driving by, didn’t slow Under the blue of a thousand moons Are the broken truths of a thousand fools The blue is breaking I'm breaking blue the blue is breaking I'm breaking blue You've set my life on fire I'm feeling higher You say that you're a liar I see desire I am breaking blue I'm awake but my eyes are shut I can hear my scream but my mouth's not open When you're around, there's no sound You shut me up, when I'm down Under the blue of a thousand moons Are the broken truths of a thousand fools The blue is breaking I'm breaking blue the blue is breaking I'm breaking blue You've set my life on fire I'm feeling higher You say that you're a liar I see desire I am breaking blue Under the blue of a thousand moons Are the broken truths of a thousand fools
  3. Not the greatest mix but I can tell you put a lot of time and yourself into pulling this together and putting it out. The song is really, really good. Not a melody someone would sing when they're doing chores but a tune you might remember when you're ordering a drink and catch eyes with a cute someone.
  4. This song is meant for the stage and a crowd. I bet you're a performer...and even if you're not, in my mind you are. As a Bowie fan I'm not always drawn to Bowie-esque attempts, but I really like this song and style and I'm sure there would be fans seeing this live. For what my opinion matters, there's some f*cking talent here.
  5. Thanks @damonkoh...and to give credit where it's due, the backup vocals were provided by our lead singer in the band I'm in. I appreciate the advice about the rhymes...sometimes I think I'm being clever when I'm really not.
  6. I like the chord rhythm and progression. I am a little bit confused by the overall structure...maybe the change in rhythm isn't different enough during the choruses to set it apart from the verse yet the 2nd chorus vocal (around 2:18) was not consistent enough to give the song more structure...? Not sure if that makes sense. I do think the song is a little underserved without some production (I'm the last to give production advice, so fwiw). Maybe some drums, attention to clearer vocals, that's all.
  7. I really like the vocal rhythm and cadence, a few instances of forcing some of the lyrics to fit, an easy fix I think. I do hear "Fast Car" in my head while listening, but seems more of an influence than imitation. I like the melody and the chorus more each time I listened. I love the harmonies!
  8. The verse is very "accessible" and I get pulled in closer with the pre-chorus, it is an interesting melody that gives a very simple, unique yet familiar feeling. It's just my opinion, and not a strong one, but I think the song is fine without the "sing-along" sounding outro. I do like the song overall. You have a talent with crafting catchy melodies.
  9. Very, very nice. I especially like the section starting around 0:38, there's a kind of cinematic feel to it. The dynamics work really well also, great example of doing just enough. Sorry I don't have a rich musical vocabulary and songwriting expertise to better articulate what and why I liked the song. Thanks for posting.
  10. Brings back memories of the days of me and my Juno-106 listening to the likes of Heaven 17, Yaz, OMD, Ultravox, etc...but I digress. (speaking of Ultravox, have you seen "13 Reasons Why" on Netflix? The line in your signature was played during a poignant scene...not a feel good series but had some great 80s tracks, again I digress) I liked your song for the 80s vibe, you did a great job recreating the style with the synth/strings hits. I think the verse/chorus became repetitive quickly and the bridge came too late to save it. Your voice does fit really well with the style and I bet your voice and singing has a lot of potential to be really good. Overall, I dug the really light and airy tune carrying themes of introspection and self-awareness while feeling helpless...kinda like the 80s.
  11. Thanks for the welcomes and feedback, much appreciated. I agree with the critiques on the lyrics, I do try to avoid being cliche but also am focused on delivering the melody (although I thought I was pretty proud of some of the lines, I'm glad to hear others' perspective). The "yeahs" were an attempt to fill in and also thought it sounded kinda cool, in an understated, ironic way...I guess not so much. I definitely don't consider myself a singer and most definitely not a guitar player, which makes getting my ideas across even harder sometimes...but having said that, I hope to be able to write songs that sound decent with the sparsest production. I appreciate everyone's critique and advice.
  12. Hi. Noob here as well. I appreciate you sharing your songwriting process here. I'm interested in what you've learned about getting lyrics right before recording. Although I understand that lyrics are important, I usually record songs where I think the lyrics are "good enough" (probably is evident in my songs) and serve to carry the melody. That's why I'm here, I love to hear other perspectives.
  13. Hello Songstuff community, My name is Ken. I'm glad to find a community of people passionate about music and songwriting. I have a day job, family, kids, mortgage, etc., but I've always had dreams of writing songs for other people to hear. Only recently, I realized I can write songs other people can hear even though I have a day job, family, kids, mortgage, etc. Whether they are good or not, I'll let you all decide. I am my own worst critic but I am also not very objective. Although I've always followed and admired songwriters, I haven't written many songs myself...call it a 30 year writer's block. Over a couple months this year, I got out of my inertia and tried to write a song a week. I didn't quite get a song a week but I have about 10 songs now and I'd love some feedback. I'll post them gradually, I want to respect the guidelines and offer feedback of my own. The songs are in a rough demo state because I don't have the musical and production talent (and patience) to make them radio quality...so if there's any interest, I'd be interested in collaborating (production, singers) to polish them up. My influences are all over the place and range from late 60s/70s era rock and RnB (Bowie, Beatles, Boston, EW&F); 80s new wave and alternative (Smiths, Depeche Mode, Duran Duran), heavy metal (Scorpions, Van Halen) ; 90s alternative rock (Nirvana, Radiohead, Foo Fighters, Toad the Wet Sprocket); and current modern rock (Foo Fighters, X Ambassadors, Young the Giant, Panic!), indie, pop, etc. I'm not strong in production, but I love to geek out with gear and software. I don't have much of a budget (family, kids, mortgage, etc.) so I try to get as much mileage out of budget gear. Here's a rundown of my gear: * Reaper DAW * Alesis iO4 interface * Tascam TH-02 headphones * MXL 990 condensor * Ibanez SR885 5-string bass * Fender Tele (made in China) * M-Audio Keystation 49 key controller * various free VSTs I'm looking forward to participating here and hearing some great stuff. Thanks for reading. Cheers.
  14. I have a few songs I'd like to test out with you and get some objective feedback. I'm my own worst critic, and it's hard for me to decide what's worth working on. I don't claim to be a musician, vocalist, producer, etc...I just like to write simple songs. Here's my first post. Thanks for listening! If You Go last winter i couldn't feel how cold i was i felt so sure that nothing could tear us apart it took all this time to realize your pain inside your eyes they look so lonely tonight i hope that you don't go cuz if you ever go away yea the hole that's left to hold i can't hardly carry the weight, yea we don't know how things might go if you go if you go would it be better if you took all of your things and left would it be better if i said i'm sorry for the things i said i tried to write a song and right what was wrong but it went on and on and on if you go now all I have will be gone
  15. So pro. Love the vintage audio treatment. Can detect a very small Phantogram influence, not sure if it was intentional or not but I like it. Nice vibe. Amazing voice.