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Patty Lakamp

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About Patty Lakamp

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    Experienced Player

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    United States of America

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    lyricist

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  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

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    Any and All

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  1. This Is Who We Are/Now: Table for Two

    Thanks. That helps. I probably have 4 versions of that written down somewhere! I'll take a look!
  2. This Is Who We Are/Now: Table for Two

    Hi, Gary. I see what you mean about keeping the rhyme of the first line far away from resolution by putting it in line 4. This looks like ABCA rhyme scheme. Keeping the A's apart. But then I am confused by this suggestion, which seems the opposite: This looks like AAAX rhyme scheme. If I'm going for a 6-line chorus, how do you see the 6-line rhyme scheme? I know ABAB is completely stable for a 4-line section; what is completely stable for a 6-line section? (Later) I've written over 10 versions of the chorus for this 😅 but I need some direction on the best rhyme scheme. By now, I think I have alll the lines written! It's just what order to put them in? Fortunately, it's fun for me to play with the chorus to make it work, but I need some help on which way to go. PS. I left you a PM.
  3. This Is Who We Are/Now: Table for Two

    Gary, I like your explanation about structuring the verses/chorus, etc. I have some homework to do, but I like that! BTW, glad you also liked "I know you by NOW." That's more what I want to say. Probably once a week, given all we have to talk about these days in this country! I don't see Consequential as a big word. But I get your point. I can use 10c words. Like garden salt, which, like bog standard, is an expression I have also never heard of! ;-) Re music, let me talk with my friend and get back to you.
  4. This Is Who We Are/Now: Table for Two

    Reason 2 was convincing for me. So many of these things are obvious once they're pointed out! Thanks!
  5. Tell Me What You Feel

    I found Tom's song and found it very moving. As I told him, This song is heartbreaking. I don't know your story, but I can picture this scene/situation and it just flattens me. I think you did a marvelous job of capturing the emotion, both in the lyrics and the melody. I imagine that working through the song helped a little. With the graphic you chose for your avatar, I had a completely different image of you. Coarse, somewhat predatory, not appealing, etc. The picture is quite off-putting to me, but you're not! Thanks for sharing this.
  6. Tell Me What You Feel

    I tried to find that one earlier, and couldn't find it, but I will try again. Maybe I just missed the link.
  7. This Is Who We Are/Now: Table for Two

    I forgot to say that I like the Peggyisms, too. Just don't want to steal outright, although she's so good, it's tempting!
  8. This Is Who We Are/Now: Table for Two

    Thanks, Gary for your detailed comments. I will take a look at this. Do you like: I know you by HEART you're not other girls or I know you by NOW you're not other girls. Originally, I chose now, then switch bc I thought it sounded more "lyrical" but I know there's a song out there from with that line in it. And NOW seemed to suggest a long-term relationship. I could be persuaded, but what you call $50 words are not obscure words, or have-to-go-look-it-up-in-the dictionary words; They sound interesting to me. I'd call them long $10 words. You asked about music. I had music in mind, but it isn't working for this lyric. I plan to write other lyrics for that music because I REALLY like it. I can go with All THAT implies. Can you tell me why it's better? Or, should I say, why THAT'S better? Does (almost) every song need stability contrast between parts? (Serious question, not a challenge.) I don't fully understand your Bridge comment. Are you substituting that idea for what it there now or adding it at the end of what is there now? You and I have talked about split statements before, I think I got a C- in that class. When I was writing with particular music in mind the split statement made sense. Now with no music in mind, I don't know how to decide which way to place them on the page. What is bog standard? Not familiar with that term Really appreciate your comments. I love the WORK of getting a song right almost as much as the fun of having it just spill out easily. I want my lyrics to be the best I can make them...otherwise, why bother? So, thank you.
  9. Online Perfection

    Thank you, Gary. I understand. I think I will get better at the judgment calls, and your advice gives me more confidence to go my own way.
  10. Online Perfection

    Why, thank you, Myrddin! I really had fun with this one. And just so you know? I haven't written a duet before, either, so go for it!
  11. Online Perfection

    Gary! Thats high praise coming from you! Thank you. Verb tenses: You know Im new at this, and it seems every time I post lyric, somebody tells me to go back and make everything in the same verb tense. Usually that feels like the right thing to do. I thought the past tense in V1 was a natural way to start a story, but its OK with me in present tense, too. its hard to know when to do what. Thanks again for your encouragement. Patty
  12. Tell Me What You Feel

    Hi, Zyzzyva, Thanks for chiming in. Haha: It seems like I certainly said things in a way others wouldn't! I'll be working on this and will repost soon. Patty
  13. Tell Me What You Feel

    I agree completely! That line stuck out and I couldn't figure out how to fix it. Adding the "I think" is a perfect solution. Thank you. OK. Let's just agree that this will be sung by a female vocalist. I like the idea of making the chorus stable and having the verses show just a touch of instability (reminds me of my chemistry professor!) "bog stable structure?" Thanks, as always, for taking a look.
  14. Tell Me What You Feel

    I forgot to ask you about this part of your comment. I think of unstable structure as uneven # of lines, rhythm & rhyme of the lines, line length (in terms of # of stresses, etc. I didn't intend to write it in an unstable way, but maybe I did accidentally. And then I guess I have another question. If it is written in an unstable form, is that consistent with the Are you on or off message or inconsistent with it?
  15. Tell Me What You Feel

    I understand what you're saying about the POV being male and the lyrics sounding female. Excellent observation! I've been thinking about that whole issue myself. I had "Am I the one you can love for all time" in there at one point. I wasn't sure if I liked the idea of the female telling him they could take it slow, etc. And you're right about the Are we on or not...that's exactly the feeling. You nailed it. There is a gender issue here! Let me think on that! Thanks! What do you think of "Online Perfection" posted here?
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