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Patty Lakamp

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About Patty Lakamp

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    Female
  • Location
    United States of America

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    Interested

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  1. Thanks, guys! I just threw it in here for fun, and it's nice to hear that you like it. Now, what do i do with it? Call the National Cheese Council, if there is such a thing?
  2. This part caught my attention. To me, "As it is" means, currently, or right now, so the line told me: As it stands today, we aren't a couple anymore. Cheryl's comment: I can see why Cheryl said that, because the same words took her in a different direction. I think we're both right, which means the line is confusing and needs some more thought. This makes sense to me. I interpreted it as you described in your comment above.
  3. Hi, Arty, I have just one comment/question: Original version: The original version uses "foundation," which is another way of expressing "you're my rock." They sound consistent. The new version changes it to "You are stone" which, to me, means cold, cold-hearted, stone-cold, no emotion, etc. Did you mean that? Yes, "stone" is solid, but it has a different connotation than "rock" and "foundation." I liked this comment about rumors.
  4. Hi, Philjo, Sounds like you took this in the right spirit. Patty
  5. Nice lyrics. I have just a few little nits: Since the rhyming word is "sways," how about: Moving to the rhythm as her tender body sways agree with Philjo on "her loving of me" the backwards construction is a stumbling block. I like the bridge. It would be nice if the chorus included the title. There are a lot of references to move/moves/moving, but I don't think I'd remember the title if I just heard this song a few times.
  6. Hi, all, No, this is not a serious song...just something to make you laugh. (Might go best with a big glass of wine!) The Cheese Song When you’re standing in the kitchen And your appetite is itchin’ For something more than leftover Chinese You could have a piece of jerky Or a slice of roasted turkey But you know that what you really want is Cheese You can slice it, you can grate it You don’t have to complicate it It’s a balm for all the troubles of the day Whether Swiss or Brie or Cheddar Cheese makes everything much better Especially when you add some Chardonnay Cheese Makes me weak in the knees You don’t need advanced degrees To know the ecstasy of Cheese Those nights when you’re a single And your preference is to mingle You don’t need a group of friends to feel at ease Grab some Parm and Gorgonzola Pepper Jack and Cambozola And embrace the camaraderie of cheese There is a minor downside They say cheese affects the backside The heart and maybe arteries to boot But the joys of cheese are multiple So I decline on principle To settle for a low-fat substitute Cheese Makes me weak in the knees You don’t need advanced degrees To know the ecstasy of Cheese Cheese comes in such varieties You can face social anxieties But I say “Be Yourself,” and here’s the proof: After many-a Margarita I chose to serve Velveeta And my status as a host went through the roof There’s burrata, mozzarella, Emmentaler, appenzeller You don’t have to master what the difference is But if you seek a designation That reflects your education Study hard and earn the title of Cheese Whiz Cheese Makes me weak in the knees You don’t need advanced degrees To know the ecstasy of Cheese © Patty Lakamp 2016
  7. Hi, Dave You're obviously a very popular songwriter here on the forum, and I'm impressed. I haven't heard your songs before, so I don't have the history with your work that so many of the other commenters seem to have. So, I'm listening to this song "cold turkey." I love the line "Heaven is coming home to the ones you love." But the chorus that follows seems to be just a listing of family members. I think with just a little imagination, you could paint a fuller picture here with only a few words. I'll show you what I mean, but I know you can do better than this: Where you hug your wife Laugh with your kids Grin at your brother Play cards with your dad Sit with your mother Say hi to your sister Play catch with your son And love every one Trying something like this--with your words, of course--would add some emotional content to what is now just a list. Best to you, Patty
  8. Thanks, Philjo!
  9. Thanks for reading and critiquing, Philjo, This lyric has been spliced and diced so many times, even I am losing track of the number of versions. I have received a lot of good comments on this latest version, particularly since people heard moptop's music and vocals. We're still working on it, but I think I like the version he recorded more than the other options. I realize there are many good ways to say the same thing, so your input is valuable. I continue to work on the "confessional version" that may pick up some of the lines you suggested. Thanks. Patty
  10. I'd take "were" out of the last line to better match the last line of V1 Creative imagery and interesting rhyme! Something hit me wrong here. Maybe it's the verb tenses or message inconsistency: They're making plans for warmer days; they're planning a family; and then comes "SEEMED another world away." I was hoping for a line that would maybe end in "someday" to tie in with future plans. Past-tense "seemed" feels counter to what's going on. Lump of coal seemed like gold.....very nice Good job, Philjo!--Forgive me getting the sources of the quotes mixed up!
  11. Very good intro. You set the scene with a minimum of words, sort of like: "Bus stop/Wet day/She's there/I say"
  12. I love this! What a great image! Fun...especially like "a la mode" Hilarious! Really clever lyric. Thanks for the lift!
  13. Sreyashi Mukherjee: Thank you for your comments. I agree that Moptop's voice is wonderful for this and it's a shame, because I think the song is best sung by a female vocalist. I'll try to write something else for his voice because I like it so much. JH Michaels: Agree that there's a dissonance between the message and the messenger. We're working on that. Thank you for commenting.
  14. Yes, we talked quite a bit about that approach in this forum. Agreed that it would be better as two songs. This one, the "Advice" song and a different one as "the Confessional." Still working on that one.
  15. Monostone, Thanks for the comments. I agree with you. Moptop's voice is top-drawer. I don't see this with a hippie vibe. It was written as a confidential heart-felt conversation---yes, between two women. Moptop was gracious enough to put it to music for me and that's how we discovered what a great vocalist he is. Patty