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Patty Lakamp

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Everything posted by Patty Lakamp

  1. That Night You Danced With Me

    John, Thank you. I'm glad you commented and that you liked it, because I'm hoping this has a certain appeal to men as well as women. Thanks! Patty
  2. That Night You Danced With Me

    This has music and the words fit, but I'd love any comments on making the lyrics better. Thanks That Night You Danced With Me V1 Lakeside dance, killing time Summer resort on my parents’ dime Just showed up for somethin’ to do All that changed when I laid eyes on you V2 Your arms were tan, your dress was white Asked you to dance, the music was right We moved together, a willow tree in a breeze Chorus: And I felt my world turn around that night That night you danced with me V3 Asked your name, you took my hand Swept me up in a wonderland We sat by the lake, and talked together till three Chorus; And I felt my world turn around that night That night you danced with me V4 Those years are gone, but not our romance Our son is off at the summer dance Maybe he’ll see a girl like you were to me And he’ll feel his world turn around like that night That night you danced with me Instrumental bridge: Chorus: And I felt my world turn around that night Given Sreyashi's comment below on this last chorus, does this line work better: I'm still overwhelmed by the miracle of that night or I still can't believe the miracle of that night That night you danced with me
  3. That Night You Danced With Me

    I think so, too. Sounds like you've been to that resort!
  4. That Night You Danced With Me

    Thank you, Pahchisme Plaid. So glad you liked that imagery. The music I was listening to just cried out for those words, so I'm glad it worked for you. I hear it more in the mood you're talking about than country, but I'm not that good at defining genres. I picture an old lakeside resort with a worn wooden dance floor and a view out to the lake. No ball gowns, but full-skirted 50's-style dresses. I think we're probably on the same page here! Thanks
  5. That Night You Danced With Me

    Thanks, Sreyashi, I'm glad you took the time to look at this and comment. I have been fussing with the chorus, and I think you make a good point. I think you're right, and I will work on that now.
  6. Everyday Moments

    Hi, all, Here is Rewrite #2 (of many to come, I’m sure!) All comments are welcome, but I’m especially interested in your thoughts on these things: 1) Does “Love’s DNA” concept intrigue/please you, or annoy/confuse you? 2) Does the apple cake verse sound too girly or is it exactly right? I can see this both ways. It "gets" me and my girlfriends to the point our voices crack when we say it. 3) This has two bridges, which is unusual, but not unheard of. What do you think about these? 4) This lyric has music and the words fit well, even though they may read awkwardly. For example, in Bridge 2, I would normally write: "Whenever I need her, she’s there." But with the music, it’s better with "she is there." Anything else? Thanks, Patty Everyday Moments Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017 V1 I lost my mother years ago But she was here today Standing right beside me as I put the towels away V2 It shook me for a second But I loved the memory Just that simple moment brought My mother back to me Chorus: Everyday moments Are love’s DNA Continuing her legacy Day after day V3 She lives inside my heart now A sad but pleasant ache Her writing on the recipe When I make her apple cake Chorus: Everyday moments Are love’s DNA Continuing her legacy Day after day Bridge 1: I used to think memories had to be planned A party or fancy affair But the best ones of all just happen In the everyday moments we share Chorus: Everyday moments Are love’s DNA Continuing her legacy Day after day Bridge 2: What I wouldn’t give to go back in time To those simple moments we shared But she taught me well, and I’ll be okay Whenever I need her, she is there Chorus: Everyday moments Are love’s DNA Continuing her legacy Day after day Original is posted below for comparison Original: Everyday Moments Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017 V1 I lost my mother years ago But she was here today Standing right beside me As I put the towels away V2 It shook me for a second But I enjoyed the memory An everyday moment Brought my mother back to me Chorus: Everyday moments (Are) the ones we replay Everyday moments Carry love’s DNA V3 She lives inside my mind now A sad but pleasant ache Her notes on the recipe When I make her apple cake Chorus: Everyday moments (Are) the ones we replay Everyday moments Carry love’s DNA Bridge: When I was a kid I was bored by routine There wasn’t an option for fancier things Now things are different, yet I find I prefer Everyday moments like I shared with her Chorus: Everyday moments (Are) the ones we replay Everyday moments Carry love’s DNA
  7. Grand Oak Tree

    You asked about dwell on the past vs dwell in the past. To me, dwell on the past means think about the past a lot. Dwell in the past means live in the past...a more extreme version of dwelling on the past. In this lyric, I think you can use either one. Depends on whether you want the two lines to match with the "ins" or sound different with one on and one in.
  8. Everyday Moments

    I got the screenshot of GarageBand and I have my work cut out for me. Thanks!
  9. Everyday Moments

    You get it! That's exactly the feel I am looking for. What I came up with this afternoon was similar: Her friends, they dropped by all the time And I would get to stay (The) sound of cards and cribbage boards My link to yesterday I am still working on V3, but yes, you've captured the essence. I just want to find the best example because there's room for just one verse.
  10. I Still Think of Her

    Hi, Here's a song I've been working on with moptop's music. We'd love your comments. I Still Think of Her Patty Lakamp © Copyright 2017 V1 Floating in a fog between sleep and awake I caught a glimpse of my first girlfriend Kate I’m crazy in love with the girl by my side But when memories hit me, I go for a ride V2 Kate and her freckles that summer in Maine I explored all I could of her lovely terrain Got a ring on my finger and I’m playin’ it straight But sometimes out of nowhere, I still think of Kate Chorus: I was lucky in love and I found a great wife She’s the one that I want for the rest of my life But I still have my past and that one special girl And sometimes out of nowhere I still think of her V3 Innocent sweethearts, just barely sixteen A faded old rowboat was our limousine She kissed me and called me her private chauffeur Sometimes out of nowhere, I still think of her Chorus: I was lucky in love and I found a great wife She’s the one that I want for the rest of my life But I still have my past and that one special girl And sometimes out of nowhere I still think of her Bridge: Nights I’m awake and it’s quarter to three I lie there reflecting on my history I find myself wondering, hopefully If somewhere, sometimes, she thinks of me? Chorus: I was lucky in love and I found a great wife She’s the one that I want for the rest of my life But I still have my past and that one special girl And sometimes out of nowhere I still think of her Yes, I still have my past and that one special girl And sometimes out of nowhere I still think of her
  11. I Still Think of Her

    I can hear it as a ballad, too, but I find this melody and beat very appealing. I'm glad you like the lyrics. Thanks.
  12. Highs and Lows

    I really like the latest chorus, especially the melody of "after all, it's only highs and lows." And of course, a great, memorable voice. Will you post a final version of the lyric?
  13. The Storm

    I like the "Oh love" too. I would change "called" to "named" Could sound like catcall How about a more intriguing word than "nice"? Uh, "nice" job!
  14. I Still Think of Her

    Philjo, Thanks for the positive comments. You're right--old-fashioned innocence. And yes, in the lyrics, the two are teenagers "just barely sixteen." The image accompanying the post is of two cute little kids in a rowboat, picking up on the rowboat image. Nothing more than that. Glad you liked the song. Patty
  15. Parallel Lies

    Thanks, Snabbu, This really helps. I often start with lyrics only, and have wondered about this exact thing. So what you're saying is, if I want some "room" in the latter part of the chorus, I can indicate that by the number of lines I use to present the same words. Do I have it?
  16. Parallel Lies

    (Ch) You're lost in bittersweet deceit Dreaming dreams you can't complete Side by side while longing to entwine Out of your minds, living parallel lies (Ch)You're lost in bittersweet deceitDreaming dreams you can't completeSide by side while longing to entwineOut of your minds, living parallel lies Perhaps this is is a really stupid question, but when the lyrics are sung, what is the difference between these two choruses?
  17. I Still Think of Her

    I just listened to both of those songs. How very flattering to even be mentioned in the same paragraph!
  18. these are our memories

    Hi Scotsman, I think you've got something here, but I think it needs better focus and a title that fits the lyric better. "These are our memories" led me to think that you were going to tell us about some very special memories you had, but the gist of the lyric seems instead to say "Let's make some memories." At least in the beginning...And then at the end, the time switches and we've already made memories. Also, where's the title in the lyric? It would be better if you could give us a title we'd go away singing. This didn't make sense to me. I think you're saying Time IS elastic, and we can stretch it out. I like the appeal of that. This verse threw me because the first two lines are "general" and the last two are specific. I even thought: Oh, they're in Central Park. But that didn't seem to go anywhere, or fit the mood of the lyric, which was more philosophical rather than story-telling. Same with the next verse. Two specifics and then two generals. Maybe it might be better to combine the specifics in one verse and the generals in the other. Or come up with some killer memories that make the song. I think this could be a great lyric with some further thought. Patty
  19. Parallel Lies

    I really like this. Parallel lines is a great title and concept! If you're playing with "we" or "you" in the chorus, does that make you want to play with the pronouns in the lyric, too? I suffer my husband/you tolerate your wife? We share our frustrations in hushed late-night calls...etc? Either way, I like "we" in the chorus. It's more intimate. Really great lyric!
  20. Vice

    This is an intriguing lyric. My comments: I agree with the comment about "share." You could change it to "And has money to spare." Oops! I see Philjo already said that! I like this verse except for L2. That's not a normal way to say it in English. We'd say "Doesn't mind paying." But that won't work here, so maybe you could come up with a different rhyme for "pay," or a different beginning to the line: "He's happy to pay." L2 seems rather stilted for this lyric. You could say "Shares it with others." L4 "under the covers" sounds out of place here. It conveys a rather snuggly image rather than a transaction, which is more what you're saying. Each time I read this chorus, I stumble on the word "friends." These people aren't his friends. They're customers, other partiers, whatever, but you've indicated that he doesn't really have FRIENDS. So perhaps a different word here would hammer that home. I may be the outlier here, but I don't think introducing the female counterpart adds anything to the lyric. I'd rather see further development of the man...how did he get this way/does he want to change/ can he, etc. Alternatively, if you could connect their stories in a clever way, that would make more sense to me. Right now, it's two unrelated stories. Hope these comments are helpful. This lyric has real potential.
  21. The Cheese Song

    Hi, all, No, this is not a serious song...just something to make you laugh. (Might go best with a big glass of wine!) The Cheese Song When you’re standing in the kitchen And your appetite is itchin’ For something more than leftover Chinese You could have a piece of jerky Or a slice of roasted turkey But you know that what you really want is Cheese You can slice it, you can grate it You don’t have to complicate it It’s a balm for all the troubles of the day Whether Swiss or Brie or Cheddar Cheese makes everything much better Especially when you add some Chardonnay Cheese Makes me weak in the knees You don’t need advanced degrees To know the ecstasy of Cheese Those nights when you’re a single And your preference is to mingle You don’t need a group of friends to feel at ease Grab some Parm and Gorgonzola Pepper Jack and Cambozola And embrace the camaraderie of cheese There is a minor downside They say cheese affects the backside The heart and maybe arteries to boot But the joys of cheese are multiple So I decline on principle To settle for a low-fat substitute Cheese Makes me weak in the knees You don’t need advanced degrees To know the ecstasy of Cheese Cheese comes in such varieties You can face social anxieties But I say “Be Yourself,” and here’s the proof: After many-a Margarita I chose to serve Velveeta And my status as a host went through the roof There’s burrata, mozzarella, Emmentaler, appenzeller You don’t have to master what the difference is But if you seek a designation That reflects your education Study hard and earn the title of Cheese Whiz Cheese Makes me weak in the knees You don’t need advanced degrees To know the ecstasy of Cheese © Patty Lakamp 2016
  22. The Cheese Song

    JohnCraig: You sent me to the internet to research Donald Swan and Michael Flanders. New to me. Thanks! Just1L: Thank you. I appreciate your input and am glad you like the "ecstacy of cheese." Peggy: That's a high compliment, coming from you. Thank you! Scotsman89: Thanks for the post. Yes, it's a "cheesy" song! Vara La Fey: I always like hearing from you. We're on the same wavelength as far as talking to cheese marketers. (In the works.) Leo: Thanks for the kudos. Glad you like it.
  23. The Cheese Song

    OK. Working on it! Thanks.
  24. The Cheese Song

    Thanks, guys! I just threw it in here for fun, and it's nice to hear that you like it. Now, what do i do with it? Call the National Cheese Council, if there is such a thing?
  25. When it comes to you

    This part caught my attention. To me, "As it is" means, currently, or right now, so the line told me: As it stands today, we aren't a couple anymore. Cheryl's comment: I can see why Cheryl said that, because the same words took her in a different direction. I think we're both right, which means the line is confusing and needs some more thought. This makes sense to me. I interpreted it as you described in your comment above.
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