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About Takoda

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    Sticky Member

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    United States of America


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  1. The first iteration feels like a lyric: Three verses, bridge, verse. Cool. Yes, post the chord progression. Thanks ...
  2. Yes. Also, this feels like another part of the other 10/19/2016 posting. Perhaps a bridge or something? Thanks ...
  3. More than a poem, this feels like a song. With a little tweaking here and there .... The last line in the second stanza is a bit awkward, in my opinion. Thanks ...
  4. This is cool. I hear the last two lines as an intermittent chorus: “she may not be noticed / but there's nowhere she’d rather be” as example ... and then it sings. Thanks ...
  5. Yes, I agree. Restructured a bit (or not) this could be a cool song. Thanks ...
  6. Yes, this flows well. But, verse two feels somehow disconnected, like perhaps it is from a different piece altogether. Thanks ...
  7. An interesting and sad tale. A bit long for a song, but epic. Would like to hear it. Thanks.
  8. This is pretty good. Would like to hear it. Couple of nits: The bright lights in Texas their they’re calling my name oil and finer things <- never thought of oil as a finer thing, does this refer to money that oil brings? then one-night a dream came <- the meter in these two lines does not seem to match the other verses and to my surprise-- And a question: What happened in the dream to cause a life change?
  9. I too enjoyed the chorus ... it sings. The bridge is cool, but I would reword it a bit, try to get it to flow more like the chorus. Such as: Without one good reason why; to: Not one good reason why; as example. I stumbled over some of the words in the verses. But, maybe that's just my silly tongue tripping. I like it and wait to hear it ...
  10. The vocals are a bit tentative. You have a nice voice. It needs to be heard. And, a bridge (I think) could add the explanation that ties everything together: What is it that you don’t want to see when you have to look back (as example)? Thank you … Have you heard this person?
  11. This is interesting. When I read it, I hear it spoken with lively syncopated background music. And, for some reason, “Continuum continuum” always comes out “ continuing continuum.” Thank you …