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Dennee

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About Dennee

  • Rank
    Hidden Talent
  • Birthday June 18

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Female
  • Interests
    Books, writing, film, metaphysics/parapsychology, Eastern religions, advances in brain neuroscience, poetry music--especially from '60s and '70s.

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    Lyricist only; looking to collaborate.
  • Musical Influences
    Beatles, George Harrison, Eric Clapton, Paul Simon, Grateful Dead, Dylan, Bonnie Raitt, Linda Ronstadt, Dixie Chicks

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Any and All
  1. Need A Lyricist For Musical/rock Opera

    Hi, I just saw this. Did you find someone to work with? If you've still got pieces to work on, send me a song concept and the relevant info and I'll have a go at it.
  2. picture?

    Thanks for pointing that out about the two identical posts :)

  3. Reflection

    Even better! In the last line, I think "your mirror" might be more effective than "the mirror." Punctuation: remove comma after "descent" in line 2. Also there should be no apostrophe in "its" right there, because you are not meaning "it is." You can either use punctuation at the ends of your lines or not (I prefer punctuation), but you have to be consistent one way or the other. In this one, you have it at the end of some lines, but not others. Really good sonnet!
  4. An Apology

    Hey, your sonnets are definitely getting better! I think you probably know that last line doesn't measure up, though, don't you? (Really, rhyming "God" with "cherry on top".... Plus it doesn't sound all that contrite.) Try this for the closing couplet: "I've sworn by all the angels in heaven/ I beg you, please, may I be forgiven?" Also line 4 is a little clunky, so you might want to play with that one a bit. Minor punctuation points: Put a comma also before "love" in the 3rd line, and take out the comma before "walks on the beach" in the 3rd verse. You might want to change "to say you're sorry" to "to say I'm sorry." Otherwise it's really great. Keep up the good work!
  5. By the way, I just noticed that in the last verse of "Follow Your Heart," the 2nd line, that typo should say "compass"!
  6. Thank you, Landon. I'm glad that you like them. I'm basically a writer/editor/mother and I don't have any musical skills. But I love music and I have dozens of sets of lyrics (plus about 10 songs that I have picked out tunes to on a piano) just sitting in a drawer, because I don't have the time, skill, or connections to do anything further with them. But I feel that they are good and I'd really like them to get a little air and sunlight!
  7. Cowardice Lips.

    Hi, Dani. I read this a long time ago and have been meaning to comment, but life got out of control for awhile. I hope you're feeling better now (than you were when you wrote this). First of all, please change the title. Second, I think the first four verses are really good, and really, that's all you need. In the last two verses you are beating yourself up, and it's just sad. The beginning has strength, when you say you won't cry over spilled milk. But then you do. The line about not wanting to settle for being wanted, but wanting to be needed is good, and maybe you can rework that verse. Definitely worth saving. Please do not call yourself repellant or cowardly. You go, girl.
  8. I'm sure Landon and I would both be happy to hear from anyone who wants to put tunes to the above lyrics. Dennee
  9. Hi, Landon. I've got a lot of lyrics without tunes. I found three that might suit as dance tunes. I tried attaching them, but I got a message that I wasn't permitted to upload that kind of file (.doc). I guess I'll just type them out below and you can let me know what you think. If you use them, I'd like two copies of the demo. (Of course, if you end up making money on them...share the bread, too!) Dennee Turning' Back I've been turnin' back the clocks, I've been turnin' back the time, I've been turnin' to the past now when the sun don't shine. I've been turnin' out the lights just to let the starshine through, I've been turnin' in my sleep while I talk out loud to you. Refrain: Turnin' back the clocks, spinnin' in the blue, runnin' through so fast 'til I can get to you. I don't know where you are, love; I hope you'll know just who I am. I'll keep turnin' back the clocks 'til we can intersect again. [Repeat refrain] Feels Right Well, I've had some narrow misses, been too lib'ral with my kisses; but by now I know what this is, and it sure feels right to me. Oh, I'm done with all my cryin', all my mixed-up love blues sighin'; now my heart is up and flyin' and it sure feels right to me. [refrain:] When it's right it's right as rain; When it's right there is no pain. Babe, with you I feel no strain-- I know you're the one for me. I don't need no second chances; I'll sign up for all your dances, 'cause I know what true romance is, and it sure feels right to me. [repeat refrain] Follow Your Heart Follow your heart-- not your eyes, they might just blind you; not your mind, it may confine you; not your feet, they may mislead you; not your gut, it wants to feed you; Follow your heart. [bridge?] Not your TV, not your fears, not your nose, and not your ears... Follow your heart-- not your friends, although they mean well; not your doctor, 'though she may heal well; not your lawyer, perhaps he steals well; not your spouse, you're under [his/her] spell. Follow your heart. [Refrain] People say that love is blind. I say love's for us to find when we follow our hearts. Be led by your bliss! Be patient in this; in time you can't miss, just follow your heart... Not your TV, not your fears, not your nose, and not your ears... Follow your heart-- not your copass, it can't feel; not a sports car, it's just steel; not old Wall Street, that's not real; not your fortune, it's just a wheel. Follow your heart. copyright, Denise Thompson-Slaughter, 2011
  10. This is really cool. I hope you find someone who can help with the tune. I'll just point out a couple of little things: the verse that starts "Coming clear" This is my favorite verse, but it should be "what use ARE lumps of granite?," not "is". . Also, I think it would sound tighter if you changed "Shiny rocks, love it can't bring" to "Shiny rocks love can't bring" (no "it") and "Couldn't settle for yours only" to "Couldn't settle for your love only." (The first way throws the reader a bit. I was thinking "He couldn't settle for her shiny rocks??? huh?" Maybe think about dropping the lines "Should I be astounded..." and "Give you crystal eyes" and pull those two sections together. "Wavy" night sky? And I'm thinking maybe "Wait for me" would be better than "Stay with me," since stay with me implies that she is with him. If having "wait" in the next line is a problem, then, you could change it to "you wait and see" and still have the same number of beats. (That's the 3rd section.) Good luck with the contest!
  11. Help With My Lyrics!

    Hi, Indiana. I just saw this post. Did you find someone to help you? I'm an editor and am used to "americanizing" people's writing for press. I also write lyrics, although mostly as a hobby since I'm not a musician.
  12. While My Guitar Gently Weeps

    I love this. I had the privilege of seeing Jake K. play this--and a whole concert--at the Rochester Jazz Fest last year. It is AMAZING what he can do with that ukelele! George H. is one of my favorite songwriters, too, and I think he would have loved this rendition, especially since he loved ukelele too. Jake is from Hawaii and George used to winter there. I wonder if they ever met.
  13. Life Is A Beautiful Shame

    I like this now that you've edited it and tightened it up! Good one!
  14. Did you leave me a post? I'm a troglodyte when it comes to technology. I don't have any digital pics. I notice you have the same message above about not having configured your 'About Me' page. I thought I HAD "configured" mine, but I guess I don't know what it means. And what do they mean by a signature???? And don't you hate the way they say you don't ...

  15. The Nature Of The Beast

    /Thanks for your comments, Timothy. Well, the poem is not only about dogs, except about their ability to inspire love and to love unconditionally--like God does. In that way, dogs are better than us. And the other linkage is that they are, as I'm sure you know, mirror-image words. I am juxtaposing the God/doG word-play to point out that the Highest and one of the lowest of creatures are better than humans but, for some reason, they love us anyway. So it's really about love, and about how strangely we love, and how we're less forgiving than both God and dogs. The part "And Thank God/and thank Dog!" follows the line about love comes in the window even when we lock the door. Love tends to get to us anyway, even if we're determined to protect ourselves, even if we think we can't risk it or don't have time for it or don't trust it, or whatever. Love will find a way to sneak into your life even if it is only through God sending you a series of dogs to love. (And let us be thankful to both of them for that!) I also tried to say (in the part you liked most) that we always think the our current love (whether it's a lover or a baby or a dog) will be our last because we just can't imagine ever loving anything more than that! But we always come up with more love, even when we think we've used it up. So really, I think too much description of the dogs would further camouflage the message, which, given that you didn't understand all of it, means it may be too obscure already! But I'm glad you liked it anyhow, and I appreciate the feedback!
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