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ccarnucci

Active Members
  • Content count

    162
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16 Good

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About ccarnucci

  • Rank
    Experienced Player

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male
  • Interests
    Songwriting, reading, movies.

Contact Methods

  • Yahoo
    ccarnucci@yahoo.com

Music Background

  • Musical / Songwriting / Music Biz Skills
    songwriter, audio recording, guitar, mandolin

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Give It To Me Both Barrels
  1. Surviving in Memory

    Thanks everyone, I agree with the length issues and the development. Some things to work on for sure. Thanks so much for listening and critiquing.
  2. Highs and Lows

    I'll strictly be talking to lyrics and melody and structure... First the positive. I think the chorus is really something exceptional, but I would lose the last part of it... Chorus Highs and lows Life ebbs and flows Highs and lows You know we’ve all had some of those That's the way life rolls Highs and lows (let this resolve the chorus with the key chord not a minor chord) Drop this part....Not gonna drown if you go with the flow after all it's only highs and lows (this sounds more like a bridge than chorus material.) The true bridge melody you developed is way better. The colour scheme of the social scene etc...) I really like the bridge especially the way it segues into the chorus. The verse melody could use some work. It doesn't have enough movement (kind of flat and lifeless throughout though they end well melodically) Not bad mind you, just not dynamic. The verse lyrics need some work. It seems to me you have a feeling you are trying to convey, but are not really getting it on paper. I would suggest trying to rewrite them and try to recapture your intent with a different perspective. example: Verse 1 is about living life closer to the edge....paint a better picture of that. Verse 2 is about taking chances or a leap....paint a better picture of that. Try painting a picture not describe it like an engineer would. See if this makes sense. If describing a corpse, you could describe how the clothes don't fit and the face seems colorless and loose on the bones. Or you could say....It looks like a place where a person used to be. The first is technically accurate. The second conveys way more intent. Last lets look at structure... Here is my suggestion: Verse 1 How can you know what its like to be up If you have never ever been down Contrast is all it is Verse 2 How can you know what its like to be right If you have never ever been wrong Contradiction is what that is Chorus Highs and lows Life ebbs and flows Highs and lows You know we’ve all had some of those Thats the way life rolls Highs and lows Verse 3 How can you know what its like to be loved If you have never ever been alone Counterpoint is all it is (Add Verse 4 if you can develop one) Chorus Highs and lows Life ebbs and flows Highs and lows You know we’ve all had some of those Thats the way life rolls Highs and lows Bridge The colour scheme of the social scene Has painted your emotions grey No one can be radiate brilliance all the time All the time Chorus Highs and lows Life ebbs and flows Highs and lows You know we’ve all had some of those Thats the way life rolls Those Highs and lows These are just my thoughts and if I can help in any way or clarify anything I said, just drop me a line. Chris
  3. Surviving in Memory

    Something a little pink floydish... Surviving in Memory (The Voice at the Bottom of the Bottle) V1 Don't be cynical Lets drop this damn charade Your life’s a mess and there's only you to blame Your counting on a miracle to somehow change the game but it's too late now welcome to the bed you've made Chorus 1 You’ve lived by the sword Rending hearts with deeds and words Having not a care for those you may have burned So you'll die by the sword It's the destiny you've earned and it's coming down now like a house of cards Tides have turned V2 Is this all you offer me a future of shame and tears Are you happy now with cross that’s yours to bear This isn’t just soliloquy And this bottle you hold so dear Offers nothing more than disgrace and dark despair. Chorus 2 You’ve drowned all your fears in whiskey and beer in a line of women no one would call dear So you’ve mortgaged your years selling out with naught a care now you find yourself alone without a prayer Tides have turned V 3 Tides have turned The verdicts been heard and you can’t escape the judgment now incurred So this pointless masquerade won’t absolve you from your fate Here alone at the point of no return The tides have turned Reprise Its a long way down, can you feel it my friend can you see my concern? It's a long way down, to the point of no return.
  4. Surviving in Memory

    Its been a while since I've done anything original. How about something a little Pink Floydish?
  5. Racing Thoughts

    So I listened to this song and quite a few others you have on soundcloud. I'm going to assume you want more than just ...good song dude. You obviously put a lot into what you create, so I'm going to give you some honesty, while trying to be specific and constructive. Your music is really good. I would say you definitely have a lot of talent there. It's creative, relevant and dynamic. And mostly just plain enjoyable to listen to. I would even say you are way above average in the music department. Your lyrics and melody though need work. They melodic range of the song is way too narrow. Imagine your melody as a line on a heart beat monitor...how high and how low would the peaks and valleys go? if you start at an A...you tend to end the phrase on A..it leaves very little variation. Melody needs to go somewhere....not just a straight line. They lyrics, while heartfelt maybe, are kind of sophomoric. "A car crash in my mind". .....nuff said. The meter, rhyming and prose are not nearly as refined as the music. I would suggest you do some reading up on lyric writing....there are some basic concepts that seem to be overlooked here. These same critiques I would say apply to most of what you have posted on soundcloud. Don't get me wrong, you have some raw talent there, but it needs refinement. And if all I said was...good song dude....it would be helping you little. Once again though, your music is really really good. I didnt leave this critique just to fulfill my quota so I could post something of my own, I truely posted to nudge you into some studying. If you want any further help, insights or critiques just let me know. Good luck and thanks for letting me listen.
  6. Song #1

    So there is s ton here to like. Great vocals, nice melody and perfect meter. Here are some thoughts though...after two listens I really have no idea what the story is. Nice words but no clear plot. Also the chorus seems more like a prechorus. It screams for a chorus to follow. Something higher and a different strum pattern, and something that clearly explaind the plot. It should be the true hook. Nice nice begging though, this song has awesome potential.
  7. The Edge Of Life - (Wip)

    Thanks!
  8. The Edge Of Life - (Wip)

    Thanks much. I have been thinking about how a lone cello would sound. Maybe a plucked violin at times If it needs a beat. But I get your point less is more here! Thanks again.
  9. The Edge Of Life - (Wip)

    I actually wondered if I could use both...maybe use the happy version for the first two happier verses, then the mellow version at the last verse when the story darkens. I will play with all these ideas I'm getting. Thanks much!
  10. The Edge Of Life - (Wip)

    I will give that a try and see how it sounds. Thanks!
  11. Into The Mist

    I agree its a good seed. A bit repetitive at this point, but I think on some level it's what you were going after. I thin the song needs more definition, but definitely likable! Looking forward to where this ends up.
  12. Forever, An Original Acoustic Song

    I really like the lyrics. Well defined images. I do have two small critiques... 1. Perhaps age will bring it's wisdom to me. It's depth I long to feel. I would say feel and wisdom don't really correlate...I'm not sure wisdom is something you feel? 2. The melody around Forever is a bit unfocused...if that makes sense? But these are small things. I really liked what you have there.
  13. The Edge Of Life - (Wip)

    If anyone has the time I would love to get some thoughts on the alternate chorus I posted...I honestly don't know which one sounds better? My gut says the original, though maybe with an Am as suggested, but I kind of like the one in C also. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
  14. The Edge Of Life - (Wip)

    Thanks GoMo. I 'm glad you liked it. I was thinking about a lone cello maybe.
  15. Code Of Life - A Symphonic Score

    Moving, intense, captivating. A truly dynamic piece work. Or to be more relevant....Da Bomb! I would say I agree about the bells from 1:09 to 1:47. To me they were somewhat distracting. At the low level they just sounded like an orphan. But instead of the bells I wonder how a spiccato violin would sound, or plucking out the notes on a violin instead of the bells? The bells almost contrast with the sultry strings, where spiccato might blend better. Just my two cents. But no matter what you do this is a gem!
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