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Spock

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Spock last won the day on August 24 2011

Spock had the most liked content!

Community Reputation

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About Spock

  • Rank
    Active Member
  • Birthday 06/09/1991

Profile Information

  • Gender
    Male

Collaboration

  • Songwriting Collaboration
    Interested

Music Background

  • Musical Influences
    Stephen Sondheim, Owl City, Brad Paisley, Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil

Critique Preferences

  • Getting Critique
    Detailed
    Any and All
    Give It To Me Both Barrels
  1. Wick ~ The Secret Garden Original Cast
  2. I Wanna Be Like You ~ The Sherman Bros. (from The Jungle Book)
  3. Well, thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. =]
  4. This is my response to the first challenge of the Poetic Proliferation group. I'm kinda happy with how it turned out, so I thought I'd post it here, along with an encouragement to join the group if you haven't already. Cheers! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Naturally, there are things that set poets apart, And naturally is usually how they're aquired. I'll list out a few, though it's a hard list to start. Don't think it's complete, and don't think it's inspired. They know they discover their works; they don't make them. They have mental erasers like stone masons' tools. They don't guess what's inside of words till they shake them. They have a respect for the rules. (But they know how to break them.) Their hands are well-versed, and their ears are well-chorused, Their brains catch the details that get past the eyes. They know that if a tree falls alone in the forest, It cries. They think with their hearts and feel with their heads, They write with their ears like a ragtime musician. They order their phenomes from violets to reds, Then work from both ends to whittle down their composition. Anything a poet says or writes is a poem. They just think harder about some before they show it. And, by virtue of that, that is what they become, Since we call one who writes and tells poems a poet.
  5. Methinks my Muse is but a cruel prankster. My mind, all clad in black (it then a mourner For inspiration lost), turned 'round a corner And fast was clasped by Need to Write. The Gangster Held my brain at gunpoint. Deep in angst for Sweet release, I begged my heart's Sojourner To find for me some glorious page-adorner, The words of which I'd owe him endless thanks for. Thus went his plan to give my hand direction. My Muse, it seemed, through such great pains had drawn it, And, surely, greatness springs from great infection. I staked my time and sanity upon it, Expecting epic words of sweet affection. But all it gave me was this pointless sonnet.
  6. If I was a poet, I'd know exactly what to write. Know the right words to use. Like you always did. I guess it's been a few years. I wish I could find words to express how long it's felt. How short it's felt. Beautiful language isn't my forte, But if I could bang out a tune of similes And create something similar to how I feel When I remember your slightly crooked smile, Maybe then I could make you understand. If I could court phenomes, Try sounds and phrases, Balance them against ancient standards of asthetics, Maybe then I could do justice to these feelings; Bring to order these thoughts, These crimes against my sanity, To which I'd gladly plead guilty. Guilty of attempting to cast some simple spell; Spell out some simple verbal incantation To dispel these spirits you unwittingly cast at me, But I can't find the words that sound like that. I can barely even pronounce on-oh-mon-oh-pia. Let alone spell it. That is deep magic. If I had some wizardry over words, I could make red the color of my love, And blue the color of the ceiling containing my devotion, And green the color of some new-found purpose in life, And I'd wrap it all in an alliterated rainbow, And rhyme it with orange, Which, coincedentally is the color of your favorite flower. But that's beside the point. The point is that it doesn't matter how sharp That dude's arrows are, Or how many orange flowers he fletches them with, If I don't even have the literary dexterity To remember his name. Since the only name floating around in my brain these days is yours. Which is rather ironic. And still, no matter how I try to figure out irony, It doesn't get any clearer. Add clear water to iron, it oxydizes. Mix clarity with irony, it's an oxymoron. Like frowns and memories Of that one day when we grabbed lunch at Taco Bell And you taught me what an oxymoron is. That's my favorite day. Anyway, All this to say, I won't be sending this to you. Maybe I'll try to write again next year. I'm sorry I could never figure out How to tell you Everything.
  7. Here's something I'm working on: The part I find strange is How everything changes Under the light of a white crescent moon The air getting colder Your head on my shoulder Together and warm, hand in hand on the dune Uncountable beauties All sapphires and rubies Each grain is its own precious stone in this sea I scooped up some diamonds Then lifted my eyes and Some diamonds reached down and scooped up me A mystical fire igniting the land Atmosphere sparkling, stretched out like a hand Holding my world in a whole different light And filling the sky with Arabian starlight tonight
  8. This is quite beautiful. The music feels something between mournful and awe-struck, which are the two emotions felt in the lyrics as well. In contrast to your other song that I've critiqued, this one has a well-defined subject and it sticks to it very nicely. I'm not a huge fan of sounds swapping from side to side, but that's strictly a matter of opinion. Also, I agree that the singing and speaking clashed a bit. Other than those, I thoroughly enjoyed listening to it. Oh, and Psalm 139 is probably my favorite Psalm. Very nice paraphrase.
  9. I'd be very interested. What kind of story do you have?
  10. I think you're reading more animosity into my tone than I meant. As a fellow INTP, I hope you understand how easy it is to come across with certain amount of arrogance that wasn't intended, especially when I'm writing in critique mode. If I came across like that, I sincerely apologize. You can see all of the topics that I've started here: http://forums.songstuff.com/index.php?app=core&module=search&do=user_activity&search_app=&mid=5806&sid=4a25d3753fe5ecaf1f17d32beb3c644e There's only one song complete with music. I'm only a lyricist. I don't think I have a double standard. I critique different songs differently depending on genre and subject matter. I love songs about God, and there's a lot of mediocre Christian music out there, so I naturally hold Christian music to a high standard. It's for that reason that I don't write many sacred songs. I'm rarely happy with the outcome. When I said "strong Christian," I was just communicating the fact that I'm a Christian in order to explain why I hold such lyrics to a high standard. The word "strong" was arbitrary. I just used it without thinking. I'm sorry if it offended you. I'm not going to defend my criticism any more than I have. I gave my opinion, and you can do what you want with it.
  11. To be clear, I'm using the same standards I'd use to critique any song. I'm just applying them a bit more strictly because of the subject matter. You can see my style of lyric writing in the songs I've posted here. I think you could trim some off the instrumental introduction. They are valid, yes. That wasn't the point. The problem is that they're used a whole lot, especially in Christian praise music. Ok, you're right. That was an exaggeration, and I apologize. My point was that I feel there is too much music before the song began. Not at all. But if that's the point you're making, then why not say it? The phrases in that part sound fairly common, and it's easy to breeze through them without catching their significance. If you want to say that it's incredible that God Almighty dies for an insignificant sinner, then I think it would be good to tie that in explicitly. I disagree. Can you see how overused the wording is? Yes, it most certainly says things, and very important things at that, but, as a song, there's nothing in it for me to "hang my hat on," so to speak. No unique hook or thought or perspective to make me feel like much was said. Again, I disagree. I think you use wording that is too common for this to stand out at all. I naturally cannot speak for God, so I won't attempt to. You put your song here to find out what is acceptable to the members of this online community. I gave you my opinion, and I'm sorry that it wasn't completely favorable. Obviously, I can't criticize the content of the song. It's all true and good. The only thing I can give my opinion on is your writing style and wording choices and recording techniques and such, which I didn't much care for in this song. I think you could do much better.
  12. I'm going to be honest, and it will probably sound rather harsh, mainly because I'm a strong Christian, and I expect a lot from Christian songs. When someone writes a song for the explicit purpose of honoring Christ, he's writing to represent the greatest story ever told, pay tribute to the highest power in existence, and let the glory of God shine through his talent. This song is typical modern Christian music: too long, cliché, a bit boring, and repetitive. I think you'll get an idea of what I'm talking about if I point out some of your more painful "Christian song" clichés. 1. Rhyming "womb" with "tomb." 2. Rhyming "Lamb" with "I Am." 3. "You gave Your Life to me. You shed Your Blood for me." 4. "Your Blood has washed me clean" 5. Rhyming "hold me" with "mold me." 6. "Through so many miles and so many trials." 7. "I give You all I am." 8. "You're my Everything, and I worship You" There's a good sampling. Now, clichés aside, if you trim out all the repetition and padded wording, you're left with a manageable-sized clump of wonderful divine Truth. While there's nothing wrong with telling "the old, old story how the Savior came from glory," can you really justify stretching this out to six and a half minutes? Most people would stop listening before the introduction was finished. Another common mistake is letting your mind wander from truth to truth without any real path or structure. What does "The world is in Your Hands, all creation knows Your Name, all bow to You, all worship You, all created by Your Hand" have to do with the rest of the song? It's a nice-sounding thing to put in a song about God, I know, but there are plenty of other, better songs that say that same thing. I guess what it ultimately comes down to is that this song is not about anything. It's a haphazard rehashing of Sunday School material that has already been said in much better ways many other times. You wouldn't write a love song that went like: I love you, dear I love you true You make be happy When I'm blue I thought I'd live my whole life sad And then you came and made me glad While that may be true, it's obvious, it's been said before, it isn't really about anything, and it shows a distinct lack of creativity. If that's not good enough for our human love, then why do we say that it's good enough for our Great Heavenly Love? On the contrary, God deserves the very greatest measure of creativity and originality that we can afford Him. We should join with the heavenly hosts and "sing a new song" to our God (Rev. 5:9).
  13. Hey, I write lyrics, but I don't write music or sing or record much. I really love writing, and I'd like to try working with someone, since I like trying new things like that. I don't have any particular genre that I specialize in. You can see some of my stuff here. Some stuff is at worlds.mycorneroftheweb.com. Other stuff is available if you ask for it. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, but I'm eager to learn and improve. I don't write things that are repetitive ("I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge. I'm on the edge..."), and I don't write rap. Period. Let me know if you're interested in working with me on anything.
  14. Im doing good as well :) Waiting for my exam results lol