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tomcollins last won the day on December 27 2016

tomcollins had the most liked content!

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About tomcollins

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    Senior Member

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    United States of America
  • Interests
    life is short , play hard and make the music sweet !!! Rock On !!


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  • Musical Influences
    anything that makes my foot tap !!!

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  1. Should put old below to see the change. Not sold still on the chorus. Friends, Friends come and go. Some are distant memories Some you long to hold Friends , Friends come and go. Just rough thought.for the thought that threw the years( Lol yea I'm old) there are friends we've had you think of from time to time then others that even tho your miles away and talk rarely,when you do it's like you always have been , some friendships never end! It's the hook that's missing for me Rock on
  2. Finally came back to this, Did a few small edits. Have notes on paper so thinking of getting music with some help from a few friends. Edits where small and Think most will get worked out when notes get laid down. And see where the melody takes it Rock on and thanks all!!
  3. Patty The bridge was a rough draft. Originally didn't have one I want back and forth on it, if it needed one. And thought I fixed the typo. Last two verses I'm still kinda playing with. As they sit. Dont match first two. But I suck at rewrites lol As You can see. Thanks for your input and heading to typo. Rock on !!
  4. The chorus should have a catch, hook tho yours does work it doesn't,to me make others want to sing it. Most songs (lyricaly) you know the chorus. Because they have a hook something to remember . Being new its best to learn read and crit others . go out of the box a bit. After green eyes making me blue. Dont explain why really go with that a play on colors or emotion .make it yours own it. For that saying has been used.think a country top ten song used same kinda line Rock on
  5. Ok read both . and your second is more to the point but like the first. Not sure if rap would do this well. Wordy yes but it just needs direction. Not sure if a melody is in your head. Think it would help if it was . would give it a better tempo and make things gel a bit better. I suck at rewrites but this needs one . I feel it could be pretty good as topic is relatable. But again get a melody and stick with it. Pop is where I would be . as far as wordy with a melody that would remove alot of the words Rock on
  6. Good start. Above crit is pretty good as for a cleaning house crit. Would make it much easier to read if posted in such away. Bridge may work if last line changed ,didn't like it much. Rock on
  7. Hey patty Read both your writes. Didn't comment on other , as what needed to be said , was said. I like the way you write . My biggest issue is chorus. Tho written well. It or they feel more like another verse. Even tho the green eyes are making me blue concept been done .you made it your own . So I would try to work with the hook a bit. Make it more and stand out. Not crazy about envy verse but does fit. Solid writes and look forward to seeing more of your stuff! Rock on !!!
  8. Tj Thanks for the input. Last two verses are still not done Rock on
  9. Funny thing is it works ! Looking at and giving input on other lyrics gives you a chance to explore structure meter and rhyme schemes. As mentioned .this is a bit vague at start and does need to pull ya in . you want listener reader to be wanting more. Good start but needs to be gone through and connect the feelings /thoughts so listener reader is wanting more Rock on
  10. Best thing to do is post ,looking to colab.see if us get any bites. Of not I may be able to give ya a few seggestions Rock on
  11. Tag Thanks for the input. The first wasn't always first. But felt it was strongest so slid it in there. This is still chrunning around in my head. Never thought of it being shorter. Lol would make my life easier if it was!! Rock on
  12. While doing that clean up. Take note of your hard syllable count. That helps with meter.which helps reader and when notes do come . Rock on !#
  13. Bro, I over use often , but to be honest bro I really do try not to. Caught myself saying bro to my daughter the other day. Bro that's just wrong I thought! Lyrically tho bro Hhhmmm Rock on bro
  14. Peggy Thanks took T's advice so working 3-4 to follow. Like the meaning of those two verses but weak so playing around to now match 1-2 but also make a bit stronger Rock on
  15. Hey John Thanks for the read. In still playing with this a bit Took "T's" advice on second in process of getting 3-4 to follow Rock on