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Everything posted by tomcollins

  1. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Well glad your enjoying it! Lol killing me over here. tired of living on what if's Time to open my hearts doors And let you in I know I'm not perfect girl but my love is Choose line .i hated it to but liked the meaning. Dont think i ever had so many crits on one line!!! Lmao my many issues and attitudes And being set in my ways I'm not the one I would choose Yet still... You love me as I am More set up as a bridge
  2. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Been lyrically in slumps. This one was done awhile back did some edits. Like the melody I have so put it back out with edits. looked out empty windows as my soul flew round and round hearts lonely beat just echoed as I walked those streets of doubt smiled at a million faces every night had a different view unfamiliar beds and places a life time searching for you tired of living on what if's hearts giving all its got to give I know I'm not perfect girl but my love is have scars my tattoo's wont cover and pains that numb my mind you held me like no other lover supporting me in those times tired of living on what if's hearts giving all its got to give I know I'm not perfect girl but my love is know I still have issues Your touch has changed this man I'm not the one I would choose but yet you love me as I am tired of living on what if's hearts giving all its got to give I know I'm not perfect girl but my love is Know I'm not perfect But...my love is
  3. Who can this be?

    Yea. Was thinking of that. And truthfully my head dont go towards metal. More a darker folksy single guitar . but that changes quick when nites get laid. Rock on
  4. Who can this be?

    Came across this while looking for another lyric. Hobosage did most if the edits. I never came back to reset or revise it. Who can this be? Dancing with shadows in a wasted mind Crimson covers old father time A resurrection not at all like Christ's Anxiety strangles me with all it's might Who can this be? aahh who can this be A Dizzying carousel, only blurs fly by I'm searching for shelter in the hurricane's eye Black clouds shroud a rainbow-colored sky I avoid all the puddles of tears I've cried Who can this be? Oh who can this be? Has it really been that long? Since I held you in my arms? Won't you rescue me? Dazed, unfazed, lost in the haze of a dream Kept from the center by the pull of extremes Darkness falls as sunshine flees Unfamiliar reflections stare back at me Who can this be?aahh who can this be? Hoping for a handhold while bound and tied Swallowing happiness just to survive Trapped in the corner of lonely lies Only pain and regret lets me know I'm alive Who can this be? Oh who can this be? Has it really been that long? Since I held you in my arms? Won't you rescue me? Desperation's anger and pain's complaints These are this sinner's only heavenly saints For there is no salvation in a light so faint to make me face all the memories that are my true restraints Who can this be? Oh who can this be? Has it really been that long? Since I held you in my arms? Won't you rescue me Aahh who can this be Who can this be Wont you rescue me
  5. A Desert Your Heart

    Well see a melody! Even base gives me a heads up. Not sure why but read this a few times and notta with a melody. Do pretty much like it sitting at pretty much because elusive melody! Rock on
  6. In From The Dark

    Ha I'm with you on this !! Can't believe I'm saying this but I tend to listen to country when in a block. Maybe cause it irks me . or maybe deep down i really like country hhhmmm.scary thoughts!! Following mono in anyone's shoes is tough!! Not buying into last two lines of verses. More so 2nd verse. Might think of dropping We didnt let it bother us And bring down last part of line above. Make sense? Musically it would work for time seems off or im off lol good chance .! Maybe have the pre ch a but less stable 3 line Have stability level out in ch? Like it Welcome to my block !! Lol Rock on !!!
  7. A Desert Your Heart

    I kinda liked this. Tho a melody escaped me. Which in itself is strange. So thats one thing I'd like to hear. That being said i like the concept but feels poem like for fact i cant here a melody Rock on
  8. You Don't Have To 

    Read a few times been holding back crits to see...... Think ya caught them off guard Melody in my head had spoken words as back vocals. I do get a bit lost V3-4. Think cause my melody its one verse. Rock on !
  9. I'm not perfect but my love is

    The choose verse playing with it. As changes seem hard to sing. Or its me? The chorus wanna stick to first line 3 non rhyming then rhyme with the "if's " sound no? Was thinking chorus kinda reasons why never gave heart away? Hate the fact chorus needs rewriting truth is the not perfect/but my love is . how it came about.lol as hobo said.maybe full of bullshit on wordsmithing this one.? Thanks peggy thinking few tweaks and ready? Rock on
  10. I'm not perfect but my love is

    I yams waiting , I yam!! Hehe that was fun to spell let alone think Rock on
  11. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Peggy im always open to your suggestions !! Always have a great pov! Rock on
  12. I'm not perfect but my love is

    I yams what i yams Know im not perfect But my love is lol All i had right now
  13. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Hey thanks for the read and comment. Replied to Davids( hobosage) post so might put it into a bit of prospective. Use to always feel if you have to explain the lyric then maybe its not good enough! But on this I'm getting different views so thinking it maybe on right track . Rock on !
  14. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Oh I know you do ! Tell me more !
  15. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Ha!!! Wondering when ya was going to chime in! Not about love being bad and on comment last ch will change a bit. Really all this is is a dude not good or bad just a dude. Meets girl .tells her of his past mistakes,woman ect. Never been faithful never cared. Meets her and wants to change that. And at that point . his love is perfect for all the right reasons Or could be I'm just full of s### and trying to make a bad hook work Hhmm lol
  16. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Yea been playing with it. Thinking only that 2nd line lol well sort of.my first write was Tired of living on what if's Getting stuck in the mud This is who I am I'm not perfect girl But my love is Lol so just got home playing with it Rock on But thinking you had something hehe Cause you been thinking bout it
  17. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Peggy. Kinda siding with you now that I've slept on this. Part of me thinks it needs to be rewritten, for some not getting it. Really not about more tension more losing more desperation. Just a guy saying.been hurt done wrong before have my faults . but I love you wholly. But also feel hook could be drawn out
  18. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Lmao i knew i like ya for a reason !!! Thanks!! But the chorus and the choose line Haven't sat well with me. So had an idea towards garys point on the chorus. And going to write it down look at it then maybe post it. Lol but his point on that was pretty spot on . A big Rock on !!
  19. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Aahh good stuff!!! Been a long while that I've listened to this!! We all need a good cry once in awhile lord knows writing that was hell and wisps of heaven . Figured you'd like a stroll down songstuff lane!! Rock on!!!!!!
  20. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Patty thanks for the crit! Love details and thoughts! Get the hearts thing. It may just be a southern thing . but when others talk " "my hearts freaking breaking" guess proper would be " my heart is breaking" "Hearts lonely beat" would be how you describe your heart no? Lol either way felt natural. No ya got me wondering if the rest of the worlds not southern. smiled at a million faces This guy doesn't seem like the smiling type. I wonder if it would be better if you said something like "explored a million faces" or "searched" every night had a different view Yay! A word we can take out! Every night a different view unfamiliar beds and places a life time searching for you Good line! Verse2 was to support first. Basically this guy is on the road But maybe should flip verses. Say a musician. Bored with life V 1 Smiled at a million face (no one want a frowning musician) "Had" a different view( had a different girl) So in my head supporting V1 you held me like no other lover( never been happy with this line. Not the one I would choose boy knows who he is and where he came from. Hope that explained a bit. But will re look cause i believe that if you have to explain then its Not right. Rock on!!
  21. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Thanks for the crit!! "Looked out empty windows" More a metaphor like lifes around you. But you see nothing of interest. Not nit picking! Lol Rock on !
  22. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Ah mate, You kill me lol I really thought someone came out with a hook book.lol a cheat sheet if you will! Thats how I get my inspiration. A saying, a clip from a movie even other songs two words in a verse. Almost anything. What I should do is go threw my 22 notebooks of chicken scratch and take out all possible hooks. Dancing with yesterday( came from an old saying ) Are you real( are you for real) Shadows and dust(saying in a movie) Blame it on woman & the weather(movie clip) I'm not perfect but my love is( old love letter from grandfather to grandmother) Heavy load( construction saying) Think when I first joined this site wrote a few lyrics and added a chorus( which i cringe when i read them) This one chorus then verses. Tho I been fighting with the feel of this one. As you well know I can be a wee bit headed! So it's OK as you said. But also giving this the tension as ya also said should work.will have to play out the tension of verses and chorus. If chorus done like you suggested there's no real release. Which would drive me nuts musically. As you helped on this. First one I put music to very emotional write https://m.soundcloud.com/tom-collins-12/goodbyeangel7 Still to this day one of my hardest writes Think we worked on this for over a week. And took me a year to put music to. Give it a listen mate. Bet ya will tear up a bit! Long time ago . But point taken and now listened to that a few times has set me back in time lol So point is your right will do a rewrite but now ya put a fire in my butt . Check back later with both barrels!! I always felt writing this hook was a bit weak but felt the saying could over come for so many can relate Rock on !!#
  23. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Hook book sign me up !! Wouldn't that be grand ! Going to play around with that. Knew- know better but.... It was fitting which tells me 2 things . Rewrite chorus all around! Lyric /🎶
  24. standing on the edge of tomorrow

    Your baby mate. Im on way to hospital for few stitches.
  25. I'm not perfect but my love is

    Lol no i been at that line from start. But for me it sums it up. Playing in my head not horrible. But stumbles a bit . Rock on David I got your meaning and no, your not out of line. What i meant if you practiced guitar everyday for a year you would have to improve some. Lyrically should be the same. One reason why this site helps. The info is here to get better. Opens your mind to new styles. I been here awhile and seen leaps and bounds from others, and myself? For me the rut tends to be emotional. Silly ? But its true. Most times a movie or meeting a stranger snaps me out.but... Its the wait that kills me. So get what you say . editing and not being good as i thought it was. I kinda wrapped the whole process into one. Self doubt and such come into play . But I'm more a realist, i know lyrically I suck .and ok with that because its an improvement from "f"ing really suck! You see some artists go into years of such slumps. Being an emotional writer i tend to snap out in few months. Its a weird topic But Its one we all face. But as you said "we" ourselves have to concur it not something learned more grown. Me, maybe go pick a fight with the wife! Kidding!!!! For me if I don't write the lyric at one time. Very hard to complete it. Let alone edits! I truely thank you for your comments! Its all part of what we do! Even if what we do is just for ourselves! Rock on !!!