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tomcollins

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Everything posted by tomcollins

  1. A quick morning write. Heavy load Father time,has put his grip on me My regrets, they now ride the shotgun seat Search for words,to ease your lonely pain Days fly by , gets harder to explain It's a heavy load It's a heavy load My back is sore, I'm all alone It's a heavy load A heavy load In my reflection , it's you I've always seen Hard to believe,it's been eighteen years. It's you I long to hold Carry my guilt, that are now ball and chained Realize, there's a truth to all my shame It's a heavy load It's a heavy load My back is sore, I'm all alone It's a heavy load A heavy load I felt your tears, everytime I didn't show Your not to blame small's, you should know if I was the man I should've been i wouldn't be thinking these thoughts again It's a heavy load My back is sore, I'm all alone It's a heavy load A heavy load Father time, has put his grip on me My regrets, they now ride the shotgun seat It's a heavy load
  2. When we did she said a little somethin’ silly, really made me laughThen my head jus' started spinning, got me thinkin’ maybe this might last These lines to seem not to fit. Last lines would stop at settlin down With right music could work. Country has kinda moved away from its cliche or corny but ya still hear a few out there ol school Rock on
  3. Thanks! This been bouncing around.need to just get notes to it! But.. Life comes at you hard at times lol I think i encourage it Thanks for the read!
  4. Ok agree with above. Also the lyric itself. Some good lines in there but the length.... I do appreciate your thoughts. & input .but would rather read gather my own thoughts and meaning of the lyric. Then hit me with what why and such after . The lyric itself seems very lengthy. Not sure tempo but it's a lot. Agree there's a lot to be said. But think this would run a bit long. For me I would try to nail down the hook.again a bit long I would like to hear whats playing in your head tho. Like i said. Theres a lot of good here just get' s lost in length At least for me Rock on !
  5. step out on that highway I wonder if I’ll ever get home Two thousand miles away I wonder if I’ll ever get home Figured I'd chime in lol Some of the comments are pretty good Blues tend to be less is more. So lyrically you want to feel the pain. "Crying the blues baby" Not sure if you had a melody but if not grab some ol'blues and spin off it. wonder if I’ll ever get home Before the sun go down for good I wonder if I’ll ever get home It’ll be a dark and dangerous day This i would keep consistent with first. Not sold on the chorus. But wasnt sure how much input he wanted Rock on
  6. Sorry for delayed response. Going to play with that. Kinda like it for me it works "weary road" lonely road Thanks for the kind words I been away for a bit but back. And have a few idea's of new songs. Rock on
  7. Lol. Nice twist. adulation may be hard to sing . rock on
  8. Sing sing and resing.then as noted go down . oooppps didn't see that coming lol
  9. I liked the rewrite. Not sure but i don't get the potty party .not. Does it seem "not sure what it's about" Wuth music that type crits may settle. But For me it brought meaning you intended. Maybe cause it was the first thing I read? Now could a bridge of sorts maybe be put into place. Not sure would depend on music. Either jazz or pop feel the music may close any gaps others are feeling. For me it's nice to have a lyric that doesnt spell everything out. Will come back and do a re-read for something did tug at me but started reading comments. I like it. For me i hear a strong sax and a bit sultry base line( unplugged) Rock on
  10. I'm digging this Way off path you usually take. But in a good way. Feel if music was with it another couplet would be called for. I didn't get jazzy more pop came when reading Rock on
  11. Summer days Thanks for the read. Will see where it goes with notes Rock on
  12. Should put old below to see the change. Not sold still on the chorus. Friends, Friends come and go. Some are distant memories Some you long to hold Friends , Friends come and go. Just rough thought.for the thought that threw the years( Lol yea I'm old) there are friends we've had you think of from time to time then others that even tho your miles away and talk rarely,when you do it's like you always have been , some friendships never end! It's the hook that's missing for me Rock on
  13. Finally came back to this, Did a few small edits. Have notes on paper so thinking of getting music with some help from a few friends. Edits where small and Think most will get worked out when notes get laid down. And see where the melody takes it Rock on and thanks all!!
  14. Patty The bridge was a rough draft. Originally didn't have one I want back and forth on it, if it needed one. And thought I fixed the typo. Last two verses I'm still kinda playing with. As they sit. Dont match first two. But I suck at rewrites lol As You can see. Thanks for your input and heading to typo. Rock on !!
  15. Hey y'all, This is something that came out at work . lol got love singing in other people's showers. Anyway it needs a bridge but that avoided me . hoping tomorrow one comes to mind It changes a bit but it sang well.kinda heard a female vocal with this doing alt verses & chorus.but that's still up in air Rock on Sometimes , Baby sometimes It's so hard for me to dream I want to close my eyes And simply drift away Somewhere, Girl somewhere Could you be laying awake Thinking of the times we shared And wishing you had stayed Let's close our eyes And drift away Dream together Like we use to do Let's close our eyes And drift away Some say , Now some say I just need to let you go And maybe I will one day It just won't be tonight , Should I , Aahh should I Take a chance And reach out to you Would you close your eyes ? Ask me to drift away with you Let's close our eyes And drift away Dream together Like we use to do Let's close our eyes And drift away (rough draft bridge) Those painted clouds are just pictures in our(your) mind The buzzing in our (your)ears is the ticking of the times Do I dare to read between the lines? Would you place your tiny hand in mine?
  16. The chorus should have a catch, hook tho yours does work it doesn't,to me make others want to sing it. Most songs (lyricaly) you know the chorus. Because they have a hook something to remember . Being new its best to learn read and crit others . go out of the box a bit. After green eyes making me blue. Dont explain why really go with that emotion.do a play on colors or emotion .make it yours own it. For that saying has been used.think a country top ten song used same kinda line Rock on
  17. Good start. Above crit is pretty good as for a cleaning house crit. Would make it much easier to read if posted in such away. Bridge may work if last line changed ,didn't like it much. Rock on
  18. Hey patty Read both your writes. Didn't comment on other , as what needed to be said , was said. I like the way you write . My biggest issue is chorus. Tho written well. It or they feel more like another verse. Even tho the green eyes are making me blue concept been done .you made it your own . So I would try to work with the hook a bit. Make it more and stand out. Not crazy about envy verse but does fit. Solid writes and look forward to seeing more of your stuff! Rock on !!!
  19. Tj Thanks for the input. Last two verses are still not done Rock on
  20. Funny thing is it works ! Looking at and giving input on other lyrics gives you a chance to explore structure meter and rhyme schemes. As mentioned .this is a bit vague at start and does need to pull ya in . you want listener reader to be wanting more. Good start but needs to be gone through and connect the feelings /thoughts so listener reader is wanting more Rock on
  21. Best thing to do is post ,looking to colab.see if us get any bites. Of not I may be able to give ya a few seggestions Rock on
  22. Tag Thanks for the input. The first wasn't always first. But felt it was strongest so slid it in there. This is still chrunning around in my head. Never thought of it being shorter. Lol would make my life easier if it was!! Rock on
  23. While doing that clean up. Take note of your hard syllable count. That helps with meter.which helps reader and when notes do come . Rock on !#
  24. Bro, I over use often , but to be honest bro I really do try not to. Caught myself saying bro to my daughter the other day. Bro that's just wrong I thought! Lyrically tho bro Hhhmmm Rock on bro
  25. Peggy Thanks took T's advice so working 3-4 to follow. Like the meaning of those two verses but weak so playing around to now match 1-2 but also make a bit stronger Rock on