[guywhowrites]

My aunt recently died who i was very close 2. I felt very sad, so i decided to write a song about it. Here it is.

Oh and i know that its not really in a song format. This is actually my first song ive writtin. So i just wanta know how good/bad i am at songwriting.

I feel you in the morning
When at first I awake
Your thought is with me
With each decision I make

You'd been around forever
Since the first breath I took
Now I have to go on alone
But for love, I need not look

Cause by what you showed me
In our short time together
Will last in my heart
Forever and ever

Although you've left
And now walk above
I'll still have you forever
in my heart filled with love

Enjoy now your life up above
Feel peace that your love continues on
What was taught to me, will be taught to mine
Cause you live on in me even after you've gone

please any critiqueing would be great! oh and this is supposed to be a slow song.

[67nick]

Wow! So much love for an aunt, who knew

[Damon]

Very touching, good work!
Im not to good with specific critisism, im quite new to writing myself,
but it sounds good to me.

[Southlyric]

I am quite new with writing too and I do like this but maybe it is a little bit cliche? Maybe you can add something you don't see very often in this kind of lyrics?. It is just a guess.

[Lyrise]

Very touching
And I am sorry about your aunt.

Southlyric, a song that comes from the heart is never cliche.

Though this would be the first time that I criticise a song, I am missing a bit of structure.
You brought structure in the way you rhymed your lyric (xAxA), but I am missing a chorus, a bridge, and other things like that,
just like you noticed yourself.

Or perhaps you could show me where you'd put them.
I would do it like this:
verse
verse
chorus
verse
verse
chorus
bridge
chorus

Or something like that.

Again: very touching, i like it. You sure know how to put your feelings down on paper! (or pixels, in this case)


~ Lyrise

[Sadie]

This is an impressive first song. You do a great job in expressing your feelings! I would love to hear it when you put an accompanyment to it! I think you are good at songwriting!