[McnaughtonPark]

Just watched the movie Precious and this came out. Probably not finished with it yet.

Dim as rain

Dim as rain,
From a vertical limit
I been missing you

The boat has sailed
But I'm not in it
So what else is new

It’s as clear as mud
It’s as cold as hell
Simple love affair
Like the carillon
When rigging fell
Silence was all we heard
Falling dim as rain

So what if the night bird never sings
What are we missing

It’s as clear as mud
It’s as cold as hell
Simple love affair
Like the carillon
When rigging fell
Silence was all we heard
Falling dim as rain

3/22/10

Dim as rain

Dim as rain,
From a vertical limit
The boat’s off course
And I’m lost with it
Too far from shore
To turn back now
And still I see your eyes
Filling the sails of my mind

It’s as clear as mud
It’s as cold as hell
Simple love affair
Like a soothing pain
Like the carillon
When rigging fell
Silence was all we heard
Falling dim as rain

So what if we never met again
What would we be missing
I could whisper at the top of my lungs
But tell me who would listen

It’s as clear as mud
It’s as cold as hell
Simple love affair
Like a soothing pain
Like the carillon
When rigging fell
Silence was all we heard
Falling dim as rain

This post has been edited by McnaughtonPark: 23 March 2010 - 03:08 AM

[justsoulin]

I think i need to watch the film to understand this more It seems deep and the feeling I get from the chorus is that the intentional meaning is actually the opposite of what you're saying - or am I wrong? As in nothing is at it appears and it's not easy to see ahead anyway.

Not sure Joe Public knows what "carillon" are and so would make up a word themselves that they think you're saying that they do know - "like the carry on" ?

It's got something and I'd like to see it progress - some nice references - vertical limit, boat has sailed & I'm not in it and clear as mud, cold as hell.

[McnaughtonPark]

Ugh, lets try this again.

The chorus is missing a line yet, your critique has helped me with the direction that line should go, thank you.

Good point on the carillon. I don't know how to make this a link, so if you copy/paste this into your browser you'll get to see more of one.

http://boktowergarde...r/the-carillon/ (Oh, I see it's idiot proof)

This doesn't do the tower justice. It's absolutely beautiful. If you like architecture, art, music, nature, and yourself...you would probably love this place. My wife and I once heard this carillon accompany a symphony. 'Nough said.

Thanks for the critique.

This post has been edited by McnaughtonPark: 20 March 2010 - 01:34 PM

[justsoulin]

Like carillon bells?
after ringing?
silence was all we heard

Then whether people know carillon or not, they know they must be bells

I don't get the "simple love affair" line

Should the 'we' not be 'i' in the silence line? If this is about a simple love affair and the boat having gone (she's not there), ur left behind with the silence - not together

Is the intentional meaning actually the opposite of what you're saying - or am I wrong?

[McnaughtonPark]

Yes, there's no such thing as a simple love affair, they are ugly and complicated, i.e. Tiger Woods.

I think, without music setting the melancholy tone, this lyric is indeed difficult to understand. Don't think it so much.

It's obvious I've missed the emotional aspect thus far, think I'll return to the scratch pad and post an update soon.

You know, I might retreat to the keyboard. Seems melancholy is the only thing I can come up with there, perhaps I can get something creative going.


BTW, the movie Precious has some really marvelous acting by Mo' Nique. She plays the abusive mother. Her character had to be very difficult to play and she did the role justice. It was her character, more than that of Precious that struck me, well, hurt me really.

Thanks again for the read.

MP

[McnaughtonPark]

Just posted an updated version for critique.