Jump to content

Your Ad Could Be Here

Cowardice Lips.


Recommended Posts

^_^ WARNING: Another whiney post. XD Sorry guys. Might not be very good. Was sorta upset when I wrote it.

Never cried for a boy,

Wont cry for you

For spilled milk,

That my dreams are sticking to.

Drowning..

Drowning..

My eyes wont add to the water level

Rising above my ears

Dancing on my nose,

Like your fingertips.

I wont let the tears come

Never cried for a boy,

Wont cry for you.

Not here, not now,

As my ears hear another language.

I will not dive into the chasm,

That my stomach has sunken into.

Wont disappear into the hole in my chest,

I will not follow spilled milk.

Awaiting,

Because I thought this time was different.

But it will never be.

Im just a repellant,

To anything, simple and sweet.

Wont settle for wanted.

Must wait for need.

Tears bite my eyes.

As I walk by the place

Where I fall, over and over again.

Why cant anything work out correctly?

Tripping over unsaid words..

Cowardice lips dig my grave.

(the irony is that no more than 10 minutes later I started crying in my school's lunchroom.)

PEACE AND LOVE!!! DANI.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Dani,

It's pretty good, but I don't think it's my favorite from you. I've sometimes written when I was mad or upset. You did a lot a better than me when I got "overly emotional" though, lol.

The only line that feels out of place for me is "Why can't anything work out correctly?". I don't know... it just doesn't seem very strong to me compared to the rest. As a suggestion what about something like "I tried my best, fate just doesn't like me"....

Just a thought... overall it was enjoyable :)

Keep writing!

~TIMOTHY~

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey Dani,

It's pretty good, but I don't think it's my favorite from you. I've sometimes written when I was mad or upset. You did a lot a better than me when I got "overly emotional" though, lol.

The only line that feels out of place for me is "Why can't anything work out correctly?". I don't know... it just doesn't seem very strong to me compared to the rest. As a suggestion what about something like "I tried my best, fate just doesn't like me"....

Just a thought... overall it was enjoyable :)

Keep writing!

~TIMOTHY~

Thank you so much! Will try to make changes in the future!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Hi, Dani. I read this a long time ago and have been meaning to comment, but life got out of control for awhile. I hope you're feeling better now (than you were when you wrote this). First of all, please change the title. Second, I think the first four verses are really good, and really, that's all you need. In the last two verses you are beating yourself up, and it's just sad. The beginning has strength, when you say you won't cry over spilled milk. But then you do. The line about not wanting to settle for being wanted, but wanting to be needed is good, and maybe you can rework that verse. Definitely worth saving.

Please do not call yourself repellant or cowardly. You go, girl.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi, Dani. I read this a long time ago and have been meaning to comment, but life got out of control for awhile. I hope you're feeling better now (than you were when you wrote this). First of all, please change the title. Second, I think the first four verses are really good, and really, that's all you need. In the last two verses you are beating yourself up, and it's just sad. The beginning has strength, when you say you won't cry over spilled milk. But then you do. The line about not wanting to settle for being wanted, but wanting to be needed is good, and maybe you can rework that verse. Definitely worth saving.

Please do not call yourself repellant or cowardly. You go, girl.

Thanks :) I tend to beat myself up a lot. It's in a lot of my stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Never cry over a breakup.

It's not worth it.

Move on...

I like this.

It's sometimes best to write when you are angry, happy or sad because it makes the piece more realistic and pure.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Never cry over a breakup.

It's not worth it.

Move on...

I like this.

It's sometimes best to write when you are angry, happy or sad because it makes the piece more realistic and pure.

It wasnt even a breakup XD. He broke my heart without even knowing.... Which I think is why it hurt so much. I couldnt blame anyone but myself

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I don't love it when I look at it for flow or rhyme but it is very good to put your emotions into poetry. I have to give you credit because my emotional poems suck so I don't ever let them get out. It certainly isn't bad and if you wanted to you could definitely work on it, it isn't far at all from being very good. This poem has potential, keep it up.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

Your Ad Could Be Here



  • Current Donation Goals

    • Raised $1,040.00
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By continuing to use our site you indicate acceptance of our Terms Of Service: Terms of Use, our Privacy Policy: Privacy Policy, our Community Guidelines: Guidelines and our use of Cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.