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      Are you posting a song for critique? 10 things to remember...READ THIS!   09/27/2015

      Please remember members posting comments ARE TRYING TO HELP YOU. They ARE NOT attacking you. They are COMMENTING ON YOUR SONG. It IS NOT personal. It IS NOT a comment about you. Critique is a discussion. It is not an argument, there are no winners and losers, there is only "trying to improve the song". Posting for critique IS NOT about building your confidence. Specifically it IS NOT about building false confidence. Members offering critique want to build your skills, and offer you different perspectives, to make you a better writer.. THAT is what builds confidence. Every writer here has passed or still has to pass the point where they realise that they are not as amazing a writer as they think they are. It can be uncomfortable and confidence sapping, but it is necessary. You can either do it here surrounded by other writers who have had the same experience, or do it elsewhere where you may well be surrounded by people who have no idea. Every writer here started with a vague idea of what writing songs is about. As a writer you can wander around vaguely, or try to re-invent the wheel, but ultimately the only way to progress is to open your ears and listen to what other people say, truly consider what they say, discuss what they say, understand that they offer their best, objective opinion, and learn from it. Just because another writer may be experienced, doesn't make them right, but it certainly makes what they say worth considering. The reviewer is not personally attached to your work. Their comments may seem clinical, cold, even harsh, but that is them being thorough and objective. By doing so, by being thorough they are trying to help you as much as they possibly can. That said, if all they mention is negatives, that is probably their inexperience at offering quality critique. Ask them, "What does work?" or "What is good about this song?". Sometimes other writers so get so wrapped up in pointing out the negatives, they totally forget to focus on the positives too. It is generally an oversight, not intentional. Everybody starts off inexperienced. Everybody has to go through a learning process. Embrace it and your writing will improve faster. When you write, when you draft, you do so passionately. When you critique and when you edit, you do so dispassionately, to get the best results. "I like it", "It's very good", "I love it" might be good to hear, but it doesn't help you improve your writing, performance, recording or production. Critique IS NOT about getting a pat on the back.  
    • Songstuff

      Critique Preferences - Please Read!   09/27/2015

      Please fill out your critique preferences in your profile settings and answer the questions you find there.   In addition...   When offering a critique, please refer to the critique options indicated underneath the member photo on the left hand side of the original post in a critique topic.   Please respect the preferences expressed by the member. If you have observations or suggestions that go against the preferences expressed by the member, please ASK before adding it to your critique.   For example, if the member posts "Please focus your critique comments on the verses, I am happy with the chorus and do not want to change it"   If you have comments you wish to make about the chorus, ASK the original poster: For example, "I have noticed something about the chorus and have a small suggestion that I think is worth your consideration. Would it be okay to post my observation and suggestion?"
    • Songstuff

      Are you offering critique? 10 things to consider... READ THIS!   09/27/2015

      Please remember your comments ARE TRYING TO HELP THE WRITER. In order for your comments to help they must be heard. The onus is on you not to inflame the situation, particularly for inexperienced or under-confident writers who are not experienced with the critique process. Critique is a discussion. It is not an argument, there are no winners and losers, there is only "trying to improve the song". Don't pronounce your opinion believing it is absolutely right. You are not a god of song writing or recording. Be honest, but be respectful of the member's critique preferences. If they don't want a blunt thorough comment don't post it. If you have comments and suggestions, ASK the member if you can post your comments and suggestions. Every writer here has passed or still has to pass the point where they realise that they are not as amazing a writer as they think they are. It can be uncomfortable and confidence sapping. Please remember the writer you are dealing with may not have had that epiphany yet. It is not up to you to make them confront that moment of self awareness. That happens in it's own time. Every writer here started with a vague idea of what writing songs is about. Be aware that educating a writer takes time and effort. Don't try to achieve it all in one topic. Just because you or they are experienced, doesn't make you or them right. Just because you or they may be inexperienced doesn't make you or them wrong. Remember: Critique is not just about pointing out what is wrong, it is also for pointing out what is right! Critique is also for examining how something works or doesn't work. It is fundamentally for learning for all involved. Don't use inflammatory language. Try and stay aware that receiving critique, especially for those who are inexperienced, can be taken personally. Try to be diplomatic but truthful.   Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and we hope you do) is to "let them hear your message". ie Don't force them to hear by beating them over the head with your viewpoint. Remember, it is a discussion, not a platform to demonstrate your skills and knowledge. While it is good for you to analyse songs thoroughly, it may not be good for the writer whose work you are reading or listening to, to hear it all!   Many thanks for your understanding.    
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      POST YOUR TESTIMONIAL NOW...   12/08/2015

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    • Mahesh

      Use Your Member Hub...   12/18/2015

      Get the most from your "Member Hub".   The Member Hub pulls together a whole host of useful stuff for you, our members. The main hub page itself includes:   The latest Songstuff Stuff site blog entries. Access to the latest Member Articles (new feature!) The latest topics from our Showcase board The latest images The latest Lyrics critique posts The latest song critique posts Who's online and a selection of community info Latest community blog entries Member Birthdays   and that's just on one page! It's a great place to keep up with what is going on.   The hub itself gives you access to:   Member Articles Music Tools (Music theory tools) Rhyming dictionary Music Industry News (Billboard, ASCAP, BMI, Sound Exchange, PPL, SESAC etc) More...   We are evolving and improving the member hub to better support your needs.   Your feedback is not only welcome, it is an important factor in how we develop the Member Hub and the features it provides access to. Click on the image below to know more!    
LooknGlass

That's A Laugh (You're Killin Me)

11 posts in this topic

Hi all, I've been away awhile because of one family crisis after another. I haven't wrote anything in a while, but recently I was at a family gathering; Family member 1 (F1) was telling F2 that he shouldn't smoke marijuana and an argument ensued. This lyric is as close to verbatim I can get as to how F2 replied. F1 drinks heavily on weekends; F2 smokes occasionally on weekends. In context of the way he said it in person "You're Killin Me" he meant literally as well as he meant, "That's a joke".... Thoughts and opinions welcome.

 

 

(Vs)

I like to get high every once in a while

it cures my ills and makes me smile

Should I judge you for getting drunk today?

Tell me which is worse, I'll listen close,

then I'll tell you what everyone knows;

the plant I smoke keeps violence at bay;

drives it away,

only kills me with laughter.

 

(Ch)

You're killin me

You're funny as hell

How can you put me down

Please do tell

You're killin me

With hypocritical talk

Your vice verses mine,

leaves you no reason to mock

Tell me, who causes the most misery?

I'm busting a gut; you're killin me

 

(Vs)

You drink and get mad, while I toke to get calm

You drive really bad; I mosey along,

but don't advocate either behind the wheel.

The safer the better is what i say;

which causes the most harm today?

I think you already know how I feel

I'm finding still

your logic hilarious

 

(Ch)

You're killin me

You're funny as hell

How can you put me down

Please do tell

You're killin me

With hypocritical talk

Your vice verses mine

leaves you no reason to mock

Tell me, who causes the most misery?

I'm busting a gut; you're killin me

 

(Bridge)

Statistically, you're more a threat than me

from any angle you can find.

Alcohol's killed more families

than weed has all through time

 

(Ch)

You're killin me

You're funny as hell

How can you put me down

Please do tell

You're killin me

With hypocritical talk

Your vice verses mine

leaves you no reason to mock

Tell me, who causes the most misery?

I'm busting a gut; you're killin me

 

© L. James Tanner

 

 

 

 

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Hey James,

 

I love the story / logic and truly believe it's true.  We'll probably see Pot legalized during our lifetime.  I don't necessarily think that's a good thing personally.  I've seen what a lot of the young kids are doing today to themselves and their families and it really is amazingly insane.  I always used to argue that Pot never led to harder drugs but I now believe it all depends on the individual.  If they have an addictive personality then it probably does.  

 

Anyway,  your lyric looks great!!  

 

All the best,

Bryan 

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nice to see ya bro, like the story here and well , I am on one side of it , but we will keep it .. choke choke... to our selves ,

rock on !!!!

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It's a debate that goes back to the 60s.  Nice work, James. 

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Alcohol is more of a threat then marijuana in any case. toking is a lot safer although you can freak out at times. and alcohol, lets just leave that there cause we all know it destroys lives in many cases.

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I like that you addressed some serious, sensitive subject matter (alcoholism and marijuana). People think that just because the law allows alcohol but forbids weed, that automatically makes weed worse for your health. They don't give it any more thought than that. I like that you're educating the masses with your music.

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LG, I think F1 should get a joint from F 2 , rent a canoe and start paddling...downsteam.

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Hey James,

 

I love the story / logic and truly believe it's true.  We'll probably see Pot legalized during our lifetime.  I don't necessarily think that's a good thing personally.  I've seen what a lot of the young kids are doing today to themselves and their families and it really is amazingly insane.  I always used to argue that Pot never led to harder drugs but I now believe it all depends on the individual.  If they have an addictive personality then it probably does.  

 

Anyway,  your lyric looks great!!  

 

All the best,

Bryan 

Thanks for the comment Bryan. Although I gave up my partying days a long time ago, I have found I like being around my smoking relatives more than my heavy drinking ones. No fights, no big embarrassments and 99% happiness. I'm up in the air about legalization; there are pros and cons. You touched on one of the cons. With some people it leads to harder stuff, with others it doesn't. But I would rather have my sons behind a wheel after smoking then after drinking if I had to pick the lesser evil. But would prefer they didn't drive at all after using either.

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nice to see ya bro, like the story here and well , I am on one side of it , but we will keep it .. choke choke... to our selves ,

rock on !!!!

lol...Thanks Tom, I kinda "choke choke" got that impression from you anyway...lol

It's a debate that goes back to the 60s.  Nice work, James. 

Thanks Jim, appreciate the read and response.

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Alcohol is more of a threat then marijuana in any case. toking is a lot safer although you can freak out at times. and alcohol, lets just leave that there cause we all know it destroys lives in many cases.

Thanks for reading and leaving a comment unforgotten.Appreciated.

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I like that you addressed some serious, sensitive subject matter (alcoholism and marijuana). People think that just because the law allows alcohol but forbids weed, that automatically makes weed worse for your health. They don't give it any more thought than that. I like that you're educating the masses with your music.

Thanks for the comment soundwave. After seeing all the stuff on the news about this topic and then witnessing a family argument over it, I felt compelled to write something.

LG, I think F1 should get a joint from F 2 , rent a canoe and start paddling...downsteam.

.....F2 is now asleep. Rowing is out of the question. :)

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