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# 31 For Old Times Sake


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Verse:
I still can recall the song
That I kept playing on and on
Give me love, so he sang
Your love was never mine to began
 
Verse:
You and me were two sparks
Together a fire that left marks
In ashes now, alone again
As you took the runaway train
 
Chorus:
From Londen to New York
I've been everywhere
It never felt like home
Without you there
So why don't you come over
For old times sake
Getting drunk with Jack
Making love on Whitesnake
Just for old times sake
 
Bridge:
Like a dream within a dream
Only you 
Could make my body tremble and scream
Never in for the love only the lust
But only in you
I could put my heart and trust
 
Chorus:
From Londen to New York
I've been everywhere
It never felt like home
Without you there
So why don't you come over
For old times sake
Getting drunk with Jack
Making love on Whitesnake
Just for old times sake
Edited by Vagdavercustis
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That's good.  I said this before in other critiques, lyrics may not need too much altercation based on the tune, and my tune to every lyric I read may not do justice to what you have merged together.  

1.  But.  I would repeat  Give me love once.  And.  Also, after so he sang, either I wouldn't put anything until the next set of verses, or I would change Your love was never mine to began - to make sense.

2.  Instead of the word In, I'd use the word We're.  And.  Instead of the word As, I'd use Because.

3.  Instead of I've, I would use as well as everywhere.  Or.  Though....nowheres....there   Those changes I would make separate from the Chorus.

4.  Chorus.  I'd replace Why don't you come over with, I can't get over the love we'd make......listening to.,,,, .  And.  Now is this time worth, worth old time sake, instead of Just old time sake.

5.  Bridge.  After....within a dream - did our past make.  Instead of Only you could make.  I'd put.  My body trembled, my body screamed never in it for love in it for lust, my yearning heart and careless trust.  Only you - now a must. 

5.  Chorus.

Edited by louielouwhy
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That's good.  I said this before in other critiques, lyrics may not need too much altercation based on the tune, and my tune to every lyric I read may not do justice to what you have merged together.  

1.  But.  I would repeat  Give me love once.  And.  Also, after so he sang, either I wouldn't put anything until the next set of verses, or I would change Your love was never mine to began - to make sense.

2.  Instead of the word In, I'd use the word We're.  And.  Instead of the word As, I'd use Because.

3.  Instead of I've, I would use as well as everywhere.  Or.  Though....nowheres....there   Those changes I would make separate from the Chorus.

4.  Chorus.  I'd replace Why don't you come over with, I can't get over the love we'd make......listening to.,,,, .  And.  Now is this time worth, worth old time sake, instead of Just old time sake.

5.  Bridge.  After....within a dream - did our past make.  Instead of Only you could make.  I'd put.  My body trembled, my body screamed never in it for love in it for lust, my yearning heart and careless trust.  Only you - now a must. 

5.  Chorus.

Thanks for the read and the comment!

Been bussy so finally some time again to check the forum here :)

You gave me a lot of options to think about.

You're better with words than me ;) Going to take your advice with me as I rewrite this!

Verry big thansk for the time you put into it!

  • Like 1
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Hi V

 

I like the song but it does not seem a song about pop/popular culture, more of a romance/love type of song.

 

I know English is not your 1st language but the last line V1 does not read correctly and I know it was used to keep the rhyme but should read something like this. (If I have the meaning of the line correct)

 

Your love was never mine to begin with/your love was never mine from the start or similar.

 

The chorus tells of you travelling, but no mention why!

Were you searching for him?

Trying to get over him?

I thought it would be more interesting if you told why!

 

If you were searching where did you find him? Maybe look at using the places you mentioned?

 

I don’t know what the meaning of “Making love on Whitesnake†refers to? I have heard of the band unless you meant to “Whitesnake�

 

If he ran away why would he want to “come on over†?

 

I am not sure the use of the title mid chorus works to well?  I wish I could give a technical reason why but it sort of doesn’t need to be there for me! I know it goes with the rhyme scheme ABCBDEFEE but I think it could be worded different to say the same thing and drop that line.

Just my opinion of course! And what do I know lol!

 

Overall you have expressed the song as a love/romance song quite well but in my opinion it does not portray pop/popular culture as far as I can tell.

 

Well V if anything I have said makes sense then I hope it helps, I need to do more critiques as I am not very sure of how to express my thoughts on songs, hence usually I only offer suggestions as to what I read.

 

This has taken me ages to write and rewrite and rewrite LOL!

 

Good Luck V

 

Les

Hi Les,

Thanks for the read and the comment :)

I guess I have miss understood the challenge (again)...

You have some good suggestions. I think I just need to startover again and make a whole new lyric with the advices of you and louie.

Make it more a lyric about pop culture :P

Verry big thanks for your time and the advices!

Now I can rewrite :)

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