Challenge #36 Wedding Veil Betrayal

[jamestoffee]

Y12W35 Wedding Veil Betrayal

Based on Genesis 29
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+29&version=ESV#fen-ESV-813a

 

Listen here

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12841718

 

=====Revised Version=====

 

Jacob whispered you’ll be my bride
Gave Rachel’s father seven years of his life

 

The seven years flew by days
Now the wedding ceremony underway

 

He made love to his nightingale
She was still in her wedding veil

 

Daylight came when he went to kiss her
But he had slept with Rachel’s sister

 

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal
Oh what lies

 

The father explained as Jacob cursed
The oldest daughter always marries first

 

If Jacob still wanted Rachel for his wife
He could give another seven years of his life

 

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X
Oh what lies

 

 

=====Original Version=====
In Bible times long ago
Love at first sight took control
Jacob said she’ll be my bride
Gave Rachel’s father seven years of his life

 

The seven years flew by days
Now the wedding ceremony underway
He made love to his nightingale
She was still in her wedding veil

 

Daylight came when he went to kiss her
But he had slept with Rachel’s sister

 

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X

 

The father explained as Jacob cursed
The oldest daughter always marries first
If Jacob still wanted Rachel for his wife
He could give another seven years of his life

 

Oh what lies behind this wedding veil betrayal 2X

Y12W35 Wedding Veil Betrayal 2.mp3

Edited July 2, 2014 by jamestoffee

[goldylocks]

Hey James, I really liked your song, and especially the way you arranged the music and used a Bible story to write it..

 

Very nice!  Good to hear your songs and visit with you for a while.

 

 

 

Goldy

[sgtsoul]

Nice lyric in a narrative style. I think the challenge wanted raw emotion though? 

[jamestoffee]

Hi Goldie and sgtsoul,

 

Thanks for the listens and posts

 

>I think the challenge wanted raw emotion though? 

 

I think that would come out more in the vocal delivery rather than the lyrics. 

 

When I think of songs like "Twist and Shout"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVlr4g5-r18

"Come Away with Me"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKEuOO0lQPc

"Standing In The Way Of Control"

 

Those are showing raw emotion to me.

 

Or comparing NIN version of "Hurt" and Johnny Cash's version, for me Johnny's version is more "raw emotion", but again it's the vocal delivery making the difference; not the lyrics

 

NIN

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htmKZKR7oyc

Johnny Cash

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aF9AJm0RFc

 

 

all that being said, I don't think my vocal delivery carries the "raw emotion" element

 

....but if you know of some resources or articles that talks about how to write lyrics with more raw emotion, I'd definitely be interested in reading them. 

 

....maybe also narrative story lyrics aren't the correct format for "raw emotion" songs.

 

 

Thanks again.

 

 

James

[sgtsoul]

 

"....but if you know of some resources or articles that talks about how to write lyrics with more raw emotion, I'd definitely be interested in reading them. 

 

....maybe also narrative story lyrics aren't the correct format for "raw emotion" songs.

 

 

Thanks again.  "

Yeah. That's what I was saying. I think a narrative format doesn't really lend itself to the raw emotion as much as putting yourself in that position and relating how you felt. You can tell a story about something that happened to you in a matter of fact way, or you can make it more "personal". Given that the band wanted it to relate to their personal lives, I am not sure a biblical narrative is what they would be after. 

As for " resources or articles that talks about how to write lyrics with more raw emotion"....I am not sure emotion can be taught or learned from a book. We all have emotions, just look back in your life to a time you felt betrayed. When writing about emotion, the best lyrics are often written from a very personal perspective.

 Points for mentioning my main man Johnny Cash. I have read a lot about the man, and he agrees with me - he thinks the best songs he ever wrote were when he was writing about his own personal feelings and emotions rather than story telling/

Edited June 30, 2014 by sgtsoul

[jamestoffee]

Hi sgtsoul,

 

>Given that the band wanted it to relate to their personal lives, I am not sure a biblical narrative is what they would be after. 

 

Good point

 

>We all have emotions, just look back in your life to a time you felt betrayed.

 

LOL...Another good point. 

I probably sound like quite a nerd, or robot for asking such a question.

 

Being a thinker rather than a feeler, I default to suppressing emotions; relying much more on "crafting a song" rather than the inspiration. 

 

Thanks for taking the time to respond and share your insights.

 

James

 

[sgtsoul]

No worries...I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of Sheldon Cooper when you asked how to learn emotions

I am also a thinker, at times I over think things. I used to over think lyrics to the point of ultra perfectionism, and looking back on those times I found I had too many songs that were too "wordy" if that makes sense. I am now reborn and am trying to go for "less is best" and get to the point and the emotion.

I am also a feeler, and at times, I over feel things. At times I would rather be able to suppress like you do. 

[sgtsoul]

The good news is you're not a robot.....you do feel feelings. By suppressing the emotion, you do at least ackowledge its existence. So remember that brief second of hurt and rage before you suppressed it. Imagine you didn't suppress it, imagine what it would be like to have that emotion as all your brain could focus on for hours, days weeks, imagine it consuming you. 

[jamestoffee]

>I'd be lying if I said I didn't think of Sheldon Cooper when you asked how to learn emotions
LOL I had to youtube him since I don't watch TV, but yeah, I can relate to him as I'm watching this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wbd9PHdhKZE

 

[jamestoffee]

>Imagine you didn't suppress it, imagine what it would be like to have that emotion as all your brain could focus on for hours, days weeks, imagine it consuming you. 

 

Thanks for the suggestion  

[jamestoffee]

Here is another go at the topic:

 

http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/38105-challenge-36-we-had-it-all/

[ames1212]

Hi James,

I love how you illustrated the bible story in your song. It was really well done and flowed really well. I think you did a good job with it. I love songs that were inspired by the bible.Good work.

[jamestoffee]

Hi ames1212,

 

Thanks so much for the listen and post

 

-James