Random Verse I Wrote

[alxroxsox21]

you yokels think you got vocals, ya dog like Toto, like total bark and no bite, like overheard every word underheight and overhyped for the title fight, you got a hot verse then step to the mic, dont step to the stage unless you ready for lights, i litter words in lateral thirds like seven-sided dice, stick gripped money whipped drug ripped like Miami Vice, I know it's nice, all of your tries, but your words are cold frozen in your throat like Helen Keller by way of Vanilla Ice, that's a dusty ass reference, so irreverent, pop culture is irrelevent, throwin punch lines for the hell of it, whatever sticks swiftly stings like a bee, and whatever floats away is okay by me, I'm OG in vocabularly alone, stackin similes in sentences like spoken word poem, I don't appreciate the tone, I'm cruel to be kind, step to the throne get gamed like Prince O, leave ya screamin schemin ass blind

[Lisa Gates]

Hey alx, It is a little too random for me. I'm not the biggest rap fan... but I'd like to see this evolve more into a rap that has a meaning to it. a purpose. not just like you say random. to me it sounds like you are just making lines up that rhyme. there is no point to what is being said. i think the challenge with rap is to make the rhyme AND have it make sense or tell a story. but this is just my opinion. take it or leave it.

All the best,

Lisa

[Lisa Gates]

Oh yeah, also we have rappers on the forums so I hope they step up and give you a shout on this too. 

[omenrama]

"I litter words in lateral thirds like seven-sided dice"

 

I really like this line; It rolls of the tongue nicely.

 

A well thought out narrative within rap is rare because: 1. Most writers in this genre are freeform

2.Storytelling requires an attention span of more than 5 minutes   3. Research and preparation is virtually absent from the genre