Challenge #42 - Taking Part In The Race

[john]

Hi Gang

 

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to craft a topical, emotive song about a major issue that affects all levels of society... racism.

 

It's a toughie. There are a ton of current emotive examples of racism, institutional racism, sensitive handling of racism and mishandling of racism...

 

the exact choice is up to you, however there is one, and only one restriction...

 

It has to relate to real events.,

 

Please be supportive of each other. Please be real. be genuine. Be emotional. Please give detailed critique on each other's songs via the group discussion board.

 

This mission will self destruct by next Friday, September 12th. Please have your submissions in by then!

 

Cheers

 

John

[jamestoffee]

Here is my submission:

 

http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/39087-challenge-42-any-wrong-im-sorry-for/

 

 

-James

[JDHarris]

Weekly challenge # 42 Racism,  might be too late but I thought I could use the exercise

 

Not Just Ferguson Missouri    Lyric by JD Harris

V

Prejudice and racism rampant everywhere

We all know better from where it is we came

It’s not just black and white forced to play this game

It’s the color of your skin and the kink in your hair

The kind of clothes you’re seen in

When you go out, you dare

Might not make it home again

Stories fill the air

 

 

C

Seems we’ve forgotten what we learned at home and school

We were taught as children to live by the golden rule

Do unto others as you’d like done to you

Silently, thank your lucky stars that you are you

V

Religion wars and power nothing will suffice

Gawd what have you done Jesus?

Why did you sacrifice?

With all the strife around us

Does it still feel wise?

Didn’t seem to turn out as you had in mind, or thought

We’re not all really nice, some think the devils hot

V

The way we treat each other has really got me down

There’s still too many hungry, young dying all around

What will it take for us to see we’re really all one?

No one is better than any other one

 It’s what they hold deep inside

Too much is buried, unjustified pride

No one will understand if you let truth hide

 

B

No one will find their peace, until racism has died

Edited October 7, 2014 by JDHarris

[jamestoffee]

Hi JDHarris, 

 

Good start  I see you are aware of working with the end rhymes and using them to keep interest in the flow of the sections.

 

I found myself drawn to this line "It’s the color of your skin and the kink in your hair"

...then I realized the "kink in your hair" is about the only concrete detail; except for Jesus and children.

 

Suggestions:

Consider replacing the non-concrete details with more concrete details to help the listener/reader get clear images of what you are presenting.

 

Also consider narrowing down to one incident and one listener.  

 

Since general and universal aren't the same, a message of peace to everyone could need some tweaking to make the message understandable to different people groups.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

James