Jump to content

Your Ad Could Be Here

Song Lyrics Poem Thing?


Recommended Posts

  • Noob

Sorry if this seems a little... rough. I'm still a noob at this, and I want to get better. I don't even know the melody for it, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to get some feedback... This is called "Little Flower." The way I was writing it, I kinda wanted it to be both whimsical but serious. Like a mix of Two Door Cinema Club and Regina Spektor, if you've ever heard of them.

 

Little Flower

. . . . . . . . 

 

"Hey, it's me."

 

That's what I say

 

When I see you, every day

 

You say "I missed you"

 

I say "I missed you too"

 

We talk about our love for an hour or two

 

You tell me I'm your little flower

 

That fills me with power

 

But I still ask, "What do you wanna do?"

 

You always have an idea

 

Too bad I can't see ya

 

While we use our fingers as expletive devices

 

But that ends up causing fights

 

Between me

 

and the ones who, disagree...

 

They say it's wrong, that we shouldn't belong

 

But how??

 

How can something "so wrong" feel so right?

 

"I love you," something I've said before

 

But when directed at you, it means much, much more.

 

Love was all I ever wanted, and you happily gave it

 

You pulled my life out, you saved it...

 

"Please... Stay with me.

 

I'll always be...

 

your little flower."

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 4 weeks later...

Like the romantic sentiment of this. You say you are still contemplating a melody for it? So basically this will be

expanded into a song? At the moment it reads like a poem, but needs structure and a chorus it should have a strong 

hook. Obviousl "Little Flower" is your thoughts ..... you might want to think up a stronger hook to pull it together.

You have a good start.  (Verse Ch Verse Ch Verse C or outro or bridge....)

To me it reads like it was/is an  illicit relationship that the wheels have fallen off....

Link to comment
Share on other sites

HI the plant prince

 

I really like this...there is alot of places to go with this, yes I am familiar with Regina Spektor..so you can go that route?  and as Gwyneth aptly points out..this definately reads as a poem for now..but if you find a hook involving Little Flower, you will definately have something worth pursuing...listen to some more examples of her work for additional imput!!.....great job for now!!...I will check back again to see where you eventually take this!!.regards Mike

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Noob

Oh wow, thank you both so much! I'm ever so glad that you liked it, and I'll definitely take your advice! Also, Gwyneth, you're kinda right... but I wouldn't call it illicit! Maybe... frowned upon? And the wheels are still there, just that one of them is flat and I need to wait until I can get it fixed. :/

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hmmmmm Frowned upon? Interesting!!!

Cool -Dont wait to long to pump that wheel up and get rolling again   :-)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

think this is almost lyrics . the lines may ned to be joined together in places and a  hook/ chorus to tie it all in   PO

 

john

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

Your Ad Could Be Here



  • Current Donation Goals

    • Raised $1,040.00
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

By continuing to use our site you indicate acceptance of our Terms Of Service: Terms of Use, our Privacy Policy: Privacy Policy, our Community Guidelines: Guidelines and our use of Cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue.