Challenge #43 - It Takes Two, Baby!

[john]

Hi Gang

We hear at Songstuff have been contacted by an unexpected pairing of S'Adele and Silly Rae Silus. Apparently they want a duet written, for man and women. Your song should explore the theme:

Man, meets woman, beneath the silvery moon, which then suddenly exploded for no adequately explored reason

The last bit is optional. That's right your song should be about love between the two singers.

Now they did not specify the nature if the relationship. It should be about love, but perhaps it is love blooming, or perhaps it is love fadin glove in the future, live in the past, in essence it is a story about the nature of the relationship.

The one stipulation? They are to start off arguing, and end up not, or vice versa.

Please post your entries within the group board marked #43 YOUR TITLE

Have fun...

This mission will self destruct on Friday!

Cheers

John

[JDHarris]

This is what I have for this challenge, sorry I have been away so long.

 

Challenge #43             JD Harris: Because I Fell in Love With You

 

Female vocals:

It used to be just me and you

When we were young and our love new

You promised me, would always be

Right here

No fear

 

Somewhere that all got changed

All messed up, got rearranged

All our dreams turned into rage

We couldn’t turn one more page

To see our dreams come true

 

Where were you

Where were you

 

Male vocals:

So many times I tried to speak

Tell you I was weak

I didn’t mean to hurt you in this way

Could not behave

Not very brave

 

Then in all my mixed up mess

I just lied, did not confess

Thought I’d ignore it, go away

Make it better any way, but

You couldn’t stay

 

It wasn’t you

It wasn’t you

               

Both:

Who’d have thought we’d be here today

Face to face standing in this place

So much time there in between

From what we had, where we went wrong

All our dreams still stand strong

Yet unseen

 

Couldn’t we

Couldn’t we

 

Male:

I remember all that we once had

Remember more good than bad, and

Today I make this pledge I swear to you

I’ll keep you safe with all I do

Honor our love, keep it true

 

I couldn’t live without you one more day

Please stay

What do you say?

Do you feel it too?

 

Female:

I know it’s true, so much has changed

But there’s one thing that still remains

Deep in my heart not rearranged

I feel it too, my love for you

Always true and yes I do

                                                     

Together:

I will always everyday Love you

Finally our dreams are coming true, all

Because I fell in love with you

Edited October 12, 2014 by JDHarris

[jamestoffee]

Hi JDH,

 

Good start Nice work on balancing the two POVs.  

 

Suggestion: 

 

Consider turning the first "Both" section into the chorus and see if it can change meanings throughout the song....then draw a song title out from the chorus section.....This is assuming the song would have a "hook" section; although you might have different music structure in mind.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

James

[JDHarris]

Thanks James, I like the idea of the chorus duet very much and agree there is still something else needed to bridge the gap.  Thanks for your thoughts, as I try to work it out.  I do like the title though, to me it suggests love will survive, what started out as love, goes through pain,  rallies and is still strong in the end. 

 

Jan

[goldylocks]

Challenge #43

 

 

It's Going to Be a Long, Long Night

 

It's been awhile, thought I would give it shot.

 

Verse

 

Male

 

I was hitching a ride on the road out of town
Feeling a little lonely and sorry for myself
When you showed up in our pickup truck
Opened up the door and told me to get in
My heart fell to the floor when you smiled at me
You grabbed my hand, then suddenly I could see 

 

Chorus

 

Male by himself

It's going to be a long, long night 
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
The way I used to do

It's going to be a long, long night
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
When I make love to you

 

Verse

 

Male

 

The other day you walked out and flew into a rage
Threw our marriage away like a rose fading on the ground
Told me to pack up and leave, you didn't want me around 
Now you say you want me to come back home again
There is nothing in the world I could hope for more
Then you wearing your gold wedding ring like before

 

Verse:

 

female

 

I was wrong not to trust you and believe in your love

If we are ever argue and get into a fight like before
I'll never hurt you darling and close our bedroom door

We'll be best friends and lovers until the end of time

I won't remember the day we parted, it's in the past

Cause I know your love is faithful and I know it'll last

 

Verse:

 

Female

 

We can build that country home and have horses 
You and I dreamed about under a blue, sunny sky
We'll live our lives lit up, just like the Fourth of July 
Now, that I know that you feel the same way as I do
When you said you'd came back home the other day
And said you missed me terribly and wanted to stay

 

Chorus

 

 Male and Female singing together

 

It's going to be a long, long night 
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
The way I used to do

It's going to be a long, long night
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
When I make love to you

Outra Chorus

 

It's going  be a long, long night
It's going be a long, long night

Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
When I make love to you 

Repeat last two lines fading out

Edited October 8, 2014 by goldylocks

[JDHarris]

Hey Goldylocks good to see you here, I'll add my thoughts later when I have a bit more time.

Jan

[john]

Good to see you all back posting... Sorry for the gap between challenges!

[jamestoffee]

Here is my submission for this topic:

 

http://forums.songstuff.com/topic/39452-challenge-43-it-takes-two/

 

....hopefully my daughter will be able to sing the girl part when she isn't so busy with homework

 

Song updated....My daughter was able to record the girl part tonight and it sounds MUCH better

Edited October 9, 2014 by jamestoffee

[goldylocks]

This is the trimmed down Version # 2 Challenge #43

 

I took a lot out, I think it sounds better, thanks for commenting Les, it's nice to be back!

 

It's Going to Be a Long, Long Night

 

.Verse

 

Male

 

I was hitching a ride out of town
Feeling a little lonely and sorry for myself
When you showed up in a pickup truck
Opened up the door and told me to get in
My heart fell to the floor when you smiled at me
You grabbed my hand, then suddenly I could see 

 

Chorus

 

Male by himself

It's going to be a long, long night 
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
The way I used to do

It's going to be a long, long night
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
When I make love to you

 

Verse

Male

 

The other day you flew into a rage

Threw our love away, and wouldn't calm down   

Told me to leave, you didn't want me around 

Now you say you want me back home again

There is nothing in this world I want more

Then you wearing your wedding ring like before

 

 

Verse:

 

female

 

I know you told me that girl was just a friend  

I won't be jealous and fight with you like before

I'll trust you and never close our bedroom door

We'll be lovers until the end of time

I won't remember yesterday, it's the past

I know your love is faithful and it'll last

 

 

Verse:

 

Female

 

We can build that home in the country 

You and I dreamed about under a blue, sky

We'll live our lives just like the Fourth of July 

Now, that I know that you feel the same way 

When you said you'd came back home yesterday

And that you missed me and wanted to stay

 

 

Chorus

 

 Male and Female singing together

 

It's going to be a long, long night 
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby I'll be kissing, hugging and holding you tight
The way I used to do

It's going to be a long, long night
It's going to be a long, long night
Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
When I make love to you

Outra Chorus

 

It's going  be a long, long night
It's going be a long, long night

Cause baby when you're in my arms, I'll be making it right
When I make love to you 

Repeat last two lines fading out

Edited November 16, 2014 by goldylocks

[jamestoffee]

Hi Goldy, 

 

Good revision  I like the play of idea on the title, b/c usually a long night is something one's not looking forward to, but you put a positive spin on it.

 

Suggestion:  Consider focusing on "the moment" the couple is reunited on the road.  Right now all the back story takes the listener/reader out of the moment  and fills in a bit too much of the hope and dream aspect of the relationship for a day to have passed.  Maybe focus on one aspect of what happened in the explosive event and tell it from her POV and his POV.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

James

[goldylocks]

This is what I have for this challenge, sorry I have been away so long.

 

Challenge #43             JD Harris: Because I Fell in Love With You

 

Female vocals:

It used to be just me and you

When we were young and our love new

You promised me, would always be

Right here

No fear

 

Somewhere that changed

Got rearranged

And all our dreams turned into rage

We couldn’t turn one more page

To see our dreams come true

 

Where were you

Where were you

 

Male vocals:

So many times I tried to speak

Tell you I was weak

I didn’t mean to hurt you in this way

Could not behave

Not very brave

 

Then in all my mixed up mess

I just lied, did not confess

Thought I’d ignore it, go away

Make it better any way, but

You couldn’t stay

 

It wasn’t you

It wasn’t you

               

Both:

Who’d have thought we’d be here today

Face to face standing in this place

So much time there in between

From what we had, where we went wrong

All our dreams still stand strong

Yet unseen

 

Couldn’t we

Couldn’t we

 

Male:

I remember all that we once had

Remember more good than bad, and

Today I make this pledge I swear to you

I’ll keep you safe with all I do

Honor our love, keep it true

 

I couldn’t live without you one more day

Please stay

What do you say?

 

 

 

Do you feel it too?

 

Female:

I know it’s true, so much has changed

But there’s one thing that still remains

Deep in my heart not rearranged

I feel it too, my love for you

Always true and yes I do

                                                     

Together:

I will always everyday Love you

Finally our dreams are coming true, all

Because I fell in love with you

​Jan, I really like how you have this lyric tight and concise with wording. You say what you need to say with emotion. As I was reading it, I could actually see two people in love standing face to face trying to salvage their relationship.  I thought you did an excellent job!  It might need a tweak here and there, but that is totally up to you. I liked it the way it is.

 

 

Goldy

 

 

Edited October 9, 2014 by goldylocks

[JDHarris]

Hey Goldy, good job on the edit, my question is have they overcome what it was that caused the breakup and rage? What was the reason for the rage?

Overall I like, might make it tighter with some explanation.

jan

[goldylocks]

Hey Goldy, good job on the edit, my question is have they overcome what it was that caused the breakup and rage? What was the reason for the rage?

Overall I like, might make it tighter with some explanation.

jan

Jan, I gave this explanation, which tells why they split. She was jealous of a girl that was a friend and she was insecure in herself with his love. She thought he was being unfaithful.

 

female

 

I know you told me that girl was just a friend

I won't be jealous and fight with you like before

I'll trust you and never shut our bedroom door

We'll be lovers until the end of time

I won't remember yesterday, it's the past

I know your love is faithful and it'll last

 

Goldy  

Edited October 11, 2014 by goldylocks

[JDHarris]

Sorry my screen keeps rolling, it must have rolled right past. The stupid screen, I need a new lap top.

Nice job Goldylocks.

Jan

[JDHarris]

Les, I made the changes where suggested although not exact wording.  Does it fit with the melody you have in mind?  Would love to hear it. 

 

Jan