Lyrics Writing Challenge Wk1 2016

[john]

Hi

 

This first challenge is pretty straight forward. There are no topic restrictions, or song form restrictions.

 

The challenge is to write lyrics in a conversational style, both verse/chorus/refrain etc... all should be conversational.

 

What exactly do I mean?

 

The idea is that the lrics should read like you are talking to someone. The concepts of rhyme and rhythm still apply, even if your rhyme scheme is to have no rhymes (ie no accidental rhymes).

 

For this to work, first person is essential.

 

A good rule of thumb is, "would I say this to someone... in this way?". It has to be convincing.

One tip would be to think on a subject, then write down a load of phrases related to the subject. this can give you ideas, even complete lines.

 

Feel free to use phrases with tweaked/twisted/reverse meanings. A play on words / phrases can make an excellent lyrical hook!

 

Just add your works as an answer to this topic

 

Cheers

 

John

[TPistilli]

Do we submit in parts as we go or only when finished?

[TPistilli]

Ok, first draft for the challenge....I know a couple of lines may not be true to the challeng (like in the bridge) but...

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY STUFF

 

VERSE 1:

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?

ARE YOU CRAZY? HAVE YOU GONE INSANE?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU’RE FOOLING?

YOU BE READY FOR A WORLD OF PAIN

 

WHEN YOU PLAY WITH FIRE, GONNA GET YOURSELF BURNED

YOU’RE SUCH A LIAR, AREN’T YOU EVER GONNA LEARN

YOU FILTHY, SNEAKY, DIRTY ROTTEN SWINE

THAT LAST DONUT WAS MINE!

 

CHORUS:

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF OF ALL OF MY STUFF

I’VE BEEN PATIENT BUT I’VE HAD ENOUGH

BETTER STOP BEFORE I FINALLY GET ROUGH

KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY STUFF

 

VERSE 2:

MAYBE YOU THINK IT’S FUNNY

GET A LIFE, MAYBE GROW A BRAIN

I SURE AIN’T MADE OF MONEY

SEEMS IT’S ALWAYS GOING UP IN FLAMES

 

YOU GOT ME STRESSING, GOT MY HEAD IN MY HANDS

I JUST DON’T GET IT, WON’T YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND

THIS SITUATION IS ALL KIND OF WRONG

THE TOILET PAPER’S ALL GONE

 

CHORUS

 

BRIDGE:

YOU’VE BEEN USING MY THINGS, BUT YOU DON’T PAY NO RENT

IT’S COSTING ME DOLLARS, BUT IT MAKES NO SENSE

I’M NOT YOUR MOMMA,  I’M NOT TELLING YOU AGAIN….

 

CHORUS

 

[McnaughtonPark]

That's a fun lyric, anyone who's ever had a room mate could relate to it.  Nice write.

[TPistilli]

11 minutes ago, McnaughtonPark said:

That's a fun lyric, anyone who's ever had a room mate could relate to it.  Nice write.

Thanks.  It is a bit campy, but what the heck...it was fun.

[Vagdavercustis]

It's been a long while since I wrote a lyric so I might have forgotten some rules... anyway here it is.

 

Verse:
You must know by now
I cannot take your sorrows into my hand
I've got no place for you to land
So just keep on flying
Into the sky, following the sun
I cannot fly, I can only run

 

 

Verse:
You must know by now
I'm damaged and far beyond repair
That my best friend
Is this voice inside my head
Love is something
I always seem to destroy

 

Chorus:
Their is a storm raging inside
I've got no place inside my mind
Why can't you just see
I'm made of all these scars
I've been through too many wars

 

Verse:
You must know by now
In this heart lives no joy
It seems I'm addicted
With the fighting, lying, denying
Cause that's all I ever knew
The reason I always come crawling back to you

 

Chorus:
Their is a storm raging inside
I've got no place inside my mind
Why can't you just see
I'm made of all these scars
I've been through too many wars

 

Verse:
You must know by now
I'm damaged and far beyond repair
That my best friend
Is this voice inside my head
Love is something
I always seem to destroy

 

Bridge:
You must know by now
In this heart lives no joy
Before I destroy
You better start to run

 

Chorus:
Their is a storm raging inside
I've got no place inside my mind
Why can't you just see
I'm made of all these scars
I've been through too many wars

[LooknGlass]

I just realized what the rules were for this challenge! I just posted one that would fit the criteria in the lyric section. Can I use that one still for this?

[john]

23 minutes ago, LooknGlass said:

I just realized what the rules were for this challenge! I just posted one that would fit the criteria in the lyric section. Can I use that one still for this?

 

Sure James. I've also just posted a new challenge, if you want to work on something new

[LooknGlass]

I'll throw this one in while I still can

 

 

Hypothetically

 

(Vs)

Let's say, this woman cheated on her man

Let's say, he didn't take it all that well.

Let's say, he had walked in on the act

Let's say, he beat the other man to hell

 

(Ch)

Was he justified;

hypothetically speaking?

Can you blame the guy;

he was caught off guard.

Trouble found him

that he wasn't seeking.

Would you understand;

hypothetically speaking?

 

(Vs)

What if, that beat up lover was a cop

What if, that was never known at the time

What if, this involved your best friend

What if, it were a problem of mine

 

(Ch)

Would you bail me out;

hypothetically speaking?

Would you sympathize;

get me out of there?

If I called you,

interrupted your sleeping

would you come get me;

hypothetically speaking?

 

(Bridge)

I know it's late, man I hate

to wake you up my friend,

but if I like your answer,

I'm callin a favor in

 

(Ch)

Could I count on you;

hypothetically speaking?

Remember that time

I was your alibi?

Don't get me wrong;

I aint been score keeping

but I'm in a bind

hypothetically speaking

 

Get the hell to the jail

hypothetically speaking

 

© L. James Tanner

Edited January 28, 2016 by LooknGlass

[Vagdavercustis]

Hi James,

 

I enjoyed reading your lyric
Found it brilliant that you've changed the words of the chorus every time but it still fits perfectly into the melody.
Good good job!!

[Karanis]

Has this ended already, or naw?

[john]

No, fire away. Some challenges do have a target date, but most do not... they are simply ne2 challenges aimed at encouraging you to try new ideas, to experiment and broaden horizons, or just to have fun.

[Karanis]

2 hours ago, john said:

No, fire away. Some challenges do have a target date, but most do not... they are simply ne2 challenges aimed at encouraging you to try new ideas, to experiment and broaden horizons, or just to have fun.

k thx

[Karanis]

First time writing rap LOL

 

 

(Chorus)
Know what? Know what? Know what? f*ck you
I'm tired of this, now we're through
You think you're some kind of genius and shrewd
But bitch you're one of the sick few

 

You better leave this nameless place
Go away you waste of space
I think you get what I'm sayin'
You stupid slut, Hell's your destination

 

You're looking for some kind of superhero
To save you from your wastefulness
But you won't find one here though
All you'll find is a trip to the Abyss!

 

(Chorus)

 

You took my shit and broke it too
You drank all my Mountain Dew
I don't know what to do
To do with a bitch like you!

 

(Chorus)

[john]

Hey

 

Not bad. You met the challenge and stayed in the conversational zone.

 

As a rap I think there are a few tweaks you could look at to improve it.

 

Rhyme scheme. You don't apply a consistent rhyme scheme. While Some raps don't follow it rigourously, the most successful ones do. Looking at the end of line rhymes your rhyme scheme of your verses looks like this:

 

Verse1:

A

A

B

C

 

Verse 2:

A

B

C

b (half / weak rhyme)

 

Verse 3:

A

a

A

A

 

Ideally each verse should use the same rhyme scheme. Not the same rhyme sound from verse to verse, but if verse 1 line 1 and line 3 rhyme, then verse 2 line 1 and line 3 should rhyme

 

A second rhyme suggestion is not an issue, so much as something to consider... internal rhymes. A lot of raps use them. This is where the words being rhymed are within the same line. To an extent the first line of your chorus does this purely by repetition, although it tends to work best when the internal rhyme includes the end of line rhyme.

 

A third suggestion would be to include a multiple syllable rhyme as that works really well used sparingly in such rhythmic song forms.

 

The fourth obeservation relates to rhythm of lines. Yet again, while you can vary it a little, the backbone works best if you use rhythm  in the same way in each verse, only pushing and pulling it occasionally... it acts as an emphasis, just like multi syllable rhymes or other techniques... think of it this way... if you waint a wall in 500 flowers on a yellow background, versus a single flower on a yellow background... you can be certain the single flower stands out far more in comparison to any individual flower of the 500.

 

Equally, you want stuff to stand out for the right reasons, and intentionally, not unintentionally.

 

Lastly... emotion. Try using more emotional words in there. Loads of great rap use emotive words really well... in fact it really helps amp up the attitude

 

I hope all that makes sense.

 

Cheers

 

John

 

[Karanis]

Thanks for the suggestions! I was throwing it out there, so it wasn't my best,  I'll work on it!

 

oh, btw I thought "sayin" and "destination" rhymed if said properly. Glad to get second views on this.

[john]

No worries. Remember to post up the revised versions. Hopefully the exercise had you trying and learning new things?

 

There are a load more challenges you can try. I also plan to post a new challenge on Monday.

[The Rev Jaystone]

Here's a song I wrote to express an attempt at a country southern rock song. All I play it for seem to like it. Very memorable chorus. Critique please.

 

I'm the Hick

By The Rev Jaystone

 

I live in the country on a gravel road
My wife my dog leave us alone
We take a pride in our simplicity 
To Hunt and fish live naturally
My heart is free and I believe
In my God guns and my family
So Why can't you show me some respect
Cause don't you know that I'm the hick

 

Chorus
So don't you tempt me
Cause I will recompense 
Yes I am the hick
That'll kick your ass you wimp

 

 

Like a gnat you're bothering me
Speaking with harsh words foolishly
I warned you before that I'm the hick
Now It's  fight night in the sticks

 

Chorus. Repeat

 

 

Bridge 
I live by what is an unwritten code
To drink Jim Beam so very ice cold 
Fire up some good ol homegrown 
If you dislike us then leave us alone

 

Chorus repeat

 

 

Yes I am the crazy hick
No I'm not a red neck
Yes I'm the crazy hick
That kicked your ass you wimp

[Ray888]

This is a song where a mother is speaking to her child and advising her about life.
 

Don’t Take Too Long

Lyric by: Raymond Fry & Steve Manning

 

Verse 1:

As you step into the future I may never see,

Let yourself become the person you could really be.

I know the days move slowly as you wish away your youth,

Beware of those who claim that they alone have found the truth.

 

Chorus 1:

Don’t take too long to realize that you're strong,

Don’t let people fool ya, when they tell ya you're wrong.

Don’t take too long to see we’re not inside the Matrix, love is real,

Don’t take too long to find that scars can heal.

 

Verse 2:

If you find that there are roads which you must walk alone,

Try to find a self that you can truly call your own.

If after failed relationships you can't bare them any-more,

Don’t take too long to realize that love’s worth waiting for.

 

Chorus 2:

Don’t take too long to realize that you're strong,

Don’t let people fool ya, when they tell ya you're wrong.

Don’t take too long to see we’re not inside the Matrix, love is real,

Don’t take too long to find that scars can heal.

 

Bridge:

I can see your natural spirit clearly shining through,

And I’m so proud that I can spend this precious time with you.

Believe there’s not a single problem you cannot surmount,

And while this life caresses you, make every moment count.

 

Verse 3:

Wish I had more to say, wish I had more to give:

A mothers inspiration for every day you live.

And I hope that when the course is finally run,

You’ll look back and say “Those days were good, and I was loved”.

 

Chorus 3:

Don’t take too long to realize that you're strong,

Don’t let people fool ya, when they tell ya you're wrong.

Don’t take too long to see we’re not inside the Matrix, love is real,

Don’t take too long to find that scars can heal.

 

Outro:

Don’t take too long

to realize you're strong,

Don’t take too long

 

 

© Copyright worldwide all rights reserved

 

[symphonious7]

Ok, I'll take a crack at it.  

 

I don't think you are seeing what I'm trying to convey,

Conveniently forgetting almost everything I say,

You think you have learned everything you'll ever need to know,

By putting walls around your mind, instead of letting go,

 

And I could really help you, it's all I want to do,

But you're so sure of everything, you'll see no other view,

You think the Word protects you from horizons that are broad,

But soon in time you'll see that you are actually a fraud,

 

Because the very book you use to condemn someone else,

Would tell you very plainly you have just condemned yourself,  

 

Hmmm... is that a lyric if it has no chorus?   Can we do poems?  lol