ABC Song Challenge #1 - Evolution

[john]

Hi Gang

 

Okay, this challenge is in part form based. Your song should build on ABC song form

 

http://www.songstuff.com/song-writing/article/ab-song-form-and-abc-song-form/

 

in particular, the version of ABC that includes a pre-chorus:

 

Verse

Pre-chorus

Chorus

Verse

Pre-chorus

Chorus

Bridge

Pre-chorus

Chorus

Chorus

 

You can add additional verses if you want, or move where the bridge is... Just as long as the key verse, pre-chorus, chorus structure is present, and you include a 4th section.

 

"Is that it?" I hear you say? No, no, no... There are two other stipulations:

 

1. Your verse should have no rhymes. no rhymes at all. No end of line rhymes. No internal rhymes.

 

2. Your chorus should evolve to introduce an unexpected twist

 

. In other words, it should be a close repeat, not an exact repeat, each time it occurs. This is a very handy mechanism for introducing a "meaning or message modifier"

 

For example we could have a story about abuse, where the verse tells a story of love and physical abuse between a man and a woman, the chorus delivers a "physical abuse is wrong message". The pre-chorus could be used to infer an abuser - victim relationship without being clear who is who, and then in the last repetition it is evolved enough to make it clear that the female is actually the abuser. An unexpected twist! The general populous would most likely have assumed that the male was the abuser, because that is our general cultural stereo type.

 

Such mechanisms can be excellent hooks, but they are also great for creating poignance... flipping meaning in this way causes listeners to question their understanding, and sometimes their own prejudices. All in all it can be used to create quite a memorable song.

 

Are you up to this challenge? I bet you are!

 

So in summary:

 

ABC song form

No verse rhymes

Evolving Pre-chorus

 

cheers

 

John

 

 

[Skin]

Hi john

Heres a draft of something just written for this challenge, I am not sure if the elements are quite right so thats why I'm posting early on with what i have so far.

there is some innuendo in the chorus and the twist really is in the bridge so I'm not sure if thats ok?

Anyway glad you are still doing these challenges although I've been a bit lacking in drive lately to write or at least complete a lyric, lots of ideas but nothing being finished.

 

Cheers

Les

 

Misbehaving (title in progress)

V

She’s got to go

I've had enough

She’s not worth my time

Just when I need her

She’s not there for me

 

PC

I'm not sure how much more I can take

Of her misbehaving

She’s got me craving

 

C

She looks so sweet

Done up in red

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

So gleaming and bright

I want to be in her tonight

 

V

She’s a beauty

But too much trouble

She’s always letting me down

Sometimes I curse

The day we ever met

 

PC

I'm not sure how much more I can take

Of her misbehaving

She’s got me slaving

C

She looks so sweet

Done up in red

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

So gleaming and bright

I want to be in her tonight

 

B

Dam car, I love her

Even though I curse

Ill never let her go

 

PC

I'm not sure how much more I can take

Of her misbehaving

Now I'm caving

 

C

She looks so sweet

Done up in red

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

So gleaming and bright

I want to be in her tonight

 

C

She looks so sweet

Done up in red

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

So gleaming and bright

I want to be in her tonight

[sgtsoul]

Hi  nice. One thing that struck me is that I for some reason knew the twist was coming well before I rounded the bend (see what I did there ) ,,,,maybe it was the use of gleaming that made me think of metal. Something to consider if you want that twist to jump at ya a bit more....
Also, I wonder if you might like to evolve the choruses a little more, I've been toying with my own choruses lately,, variations of the first verse coming back as the third verse, with the  last lnes first or maybe repeat a line. There's so many subtle ways to do it and I am enjoying it so I thought I would toss it up as an idea...

I think it is great so far  what music do you hear in your mind? The whole car vibe gives me 70s/80s classic rock... then (as hard as I try to avoid it!) Lady in Red comes to mind because of the obvious "woman in red I wanna take to bed" vibe. So I would love to hear what music you do have in mind.

Looking forward to more

Edited April 28, 2016 by sgtsoul

[Skin]

Hi Sgt

we are all around the bend sometimes lol!

i will change gleaming to shining and drop the so.

i went with subtle change in the pre C to evolve it as per the list at the end of the post John made but in the post it does say chorus? Not sure how to do that yet with this but I will ponder and see if I can come up with an idea.

Rock possibly is the way but man I can't play or sing to good so although I have a melody in my head I'm not sure I could pull it off but I might have a go.

i also thought of swapping caving with slaving as the bridge supports him wanting to keep her and slaving would be him say working to pay for her or slaving over her in repairs? Any thoughts?

thanks for the reply and comments I thought I might be alone in this lol!

 

good luck

Les

[Skin]

Heres the so far revised draft, the edits are in red of course lol! 

any thoughts appreciated.

It needs more tinkering with as the more i read the more other ideas pop up but 1 step at a time!

I went with uneven verse to contrast the chorus so i hope that works.

 

I swapped caving with slaving to support the bridge? does it make sense?

 

cheers

Les

 

V

She’s got to go

I've had enough

She’s not worth my time

Just when I need her

She’s not there for me

 

PC

I'm not sure how much more I can take

Of her misbehaving

She’s got me craving

 

C

She looks so sweet

Dressed in red…edit (was Done up in red)

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright)

I want to be in her tonight

 

V

She’s a beauty

But too much trouble

She’s always letting me down

Sometimes I curse

The day we ever met

 

PC

I'm not sure how much more I can take

Of her misbehaving

She’s got me caving….edit (was She’s got me slaving )

 

C

She looks so sweet

Dressed in red…edit (was Done up in red)

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright)

I want to be in her tonight

 

B

Dam car, I love her

Even though I cuss….edit ( was curse but used that earlier)

I'll never let her go

 

PC

I'm not sure how much more I can take

Of her misbehaving

She’s got me slaving…..edit (was Now I'm caving)

 

C

She looks so sweet

Dressed in red…edit (was Done up in red)

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright)

I want to be in her tonight

 

C

She looks so sweet

She’s got me slaving …edit (was Done up in red)

I want to take her to bed

Those love me eyes

Shining so bright….edit (was So gleaming and bright)

I want to be in her tonight