ABC Song Challenge #2 - Summer Anthem

[john]

Hi gang

 

This challenge is simple to describe, but many songwriters will struggle with it. The challenge is:

 

• To write a "Summer Anthem". You know the kind. It doesn't matter if it is a rock anthem or a club anthem or a pop anthem. Every summer has at least one!
• You must use an ABC derived song form

 

http://www.songstuff.com/song-writing/article/ab-song-form-and-abc-song-form/

 

That is it... Nice and simple!

 

I look forward to seeing the results.

 

Cheers

 

John

[Skin]

Hi John

I will have a crack at this one, John is the Beyoncé song which I had never heard before but liked a good example of an evolving chorus which was part of the last challenge? 

 

I will post as soon as something comes together and I hope I'm not the only one, I get lonely ya know lol!

 

Cheers bro and I hope you are well.

 

Les

 

 

 

 

[ames1212]

here is mine.

 

Summer time Days

 

 

Flowers are blooming, Birds are singing,

Spring is in the air.

Wind is Dancing, Butterflies prancing,

Blooms on the Bradford Pear.

Little birds flying, Blue skies shining.

Summer is around the bend.

Trees a swaying, children playing,

It’s time for winter’s end.

 

(Chorus)

It’s a dawn of a season,

Spring is the reason,

A smile is on my face.

Because summer’s on its way.

Oh I love those summertime days.

 

BBq grilling, Front porch chilling,

The season is almost here.

Sweet tea sipping, jump rope skipping,

Good times and lots of cheer.

Flip flops, tank tops,

And suntan lines,

T-tops, soda pop

It’s a grand old time.

 

(Chorus)

Beach trips, pool flips

It’s all fun and games.

Shorter pants, Hawaiian prints,

You’ll be glad you came.

Swimsuit time, tomatoes on the vine,

Fun is around the bend.

Dog walking, neighbors talking,

Hope it never ends.

(Bridge)

My favorite time of year,

It brings me lots of cheer,

I love those, I love those,

Oh I love those summertime days

 

( Chorus)

 

 

Amy Abernathy

 

[McnaughtonPark]

Isn't that an old lyric of yours Amy?  I know I remember the, "Blooms on the Bradford pear" line, since it's my favorite line of all your lyrics.  But, I'm wondering where the challenge was for you if you simply go back and post a lyric you wrote prior to the challenge?  Sure would like to see new lyrics posted but I don't know the rules of the challenge.

 

Peace

 

 

[scotsman89]

first  time to post in challenge  summer time again

 

strolling on the sand
walking hand in hand
smiles on the faces
a good time to be had
surfers in the sea
bathers on the beach
music in the air
we are young and free

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

stuck indoors so long
but now winters gone
the sun is in the sky
lets go and have some fun
head down to the sea
that's where I want to be
meeting all my friends
and dancing on the beach

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

brg

life is far to short
let's live for today
make a lot of memories
that will never fade away
as the years go by
we will understand
at the goodtimes we had
right here in the sand

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

chorus

 

 

 

Edited May 7, 2016 by scotsman89

[john]

6 hours ago, McnaughtonPark said:

Isn't that an old lyric of yours Amy?  I know I remember the, "Blooms on the Bradford pear" line, since it's my favorite line of all your lyrics.  But, I'm wondering where the challenge was for you if you simply go back and post a lyric you wrote prior to the challenge?  Sure would like to see new lyrics posted but I don't know the rules of the challenge.

 

Peace

 

 

 

Hey MP

 

It isn't a contest, but you are right... you are supposed to challenge yourself, to try somthing new, to learn about yourself as a writer. Some challenges do have an element of contest with others, but undoubtedly the primary goal is the challenge we answer within ourselves. If it is an old song, I would imagine it is finished and therefore not really in need of critique. Perhaps Amy thought to show support for the challenge by posting something appropriate for the contest? Really it is a question only Amy could answer. My main point in responding was to clarify the purpose of the challenge:

 

• They are personally challenging!
• They should be fun to do
• Collectively challenges should give you a chance to learn and an excuse to break out of the constraints of your normal writing styles
• They give you a chance to talk to other writers about what was challenging and compare notes
• They give you a chance to critique and get critique focused on the challenge parameters
• They give you the chance to write to a brief... which is a skill in itself!
  • They give you permission to be creative within a set of rules or guidelines that change with every challenge

Others may have different, more personal reasons for taking part. Certainly, I look for writers to take part and to create new, original works... and ultimately to find the challenges interesting, valuable, and hopefully even inspiring. I don't want much! Ha!

 

Cheers

 

John

 

[Amram]

Been thinking about this one for a little while, but was inspired to put some finishing touches on it.

 

Before We're Too Old

 

Water droplets on the edge of a can.
Butterscotch kisses, turn on my jam.
I’ve got my worst pair of jeans and best set of shades,
lying in the sand sipping pink lemonade.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
We're red-dirt living on old, beach songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

 

My heart's beating faster like a bird in breeze,
the longer she's laughing and staring at me.
That girl's got my attention like the heat of day
my constant affection, like the sting of a ray.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
We're red-dirt living on coastal songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

 

Someday I'll save this moment somewhere in my mind, 
but today I'll live knowing you can only spend time.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
red-dirt living on coastal songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

Edited May 6, 2016 by Amram

[Penkslyrics]

Here's a new one, written especially for this.

 

Having Some Fun, In The Summer Sun

 

 

Hey come on, one and all, it's that time of the year

Temperature is rising, lets spread a little cheer

Invite your friends around, fire up the barbecue

Put on some party music, dance the whole day through

 

Cause it's time

Yeh it's time

 

For having some fun, in the summer sun

Somethings have just got to be done

Like having some fun, in the summer sun

 

Feeling those rays shine, makes the world seem less bleak

Hearing kids on the corner, playing hide and seek

Heading to the seaside, stops you feeling the lows

That wonderful feeling, of sand in your toes

 

Cause it's time

Yeh It's time

 

For having some fun, in the summer sun

Somethings have just got to be done

Like having some fun, in the summer sun

 

Now winter's darkness

Turned to sky's of blue

See of those long nights

Bid them all adieu

With a smile on your face

Feel the joy shine through

 

Cause it's time

Yeh it's time

 

For having some fun, in the summer sun

Somethings have just got to be done

Like having some fun, in the summer sun

 

 

 

[McnaughtonPark]

Thanks John.  I know I've had the experience of seeing a lyric and realizing, "Hey, I've written something just like that!"  It happens.  Thank you for going over some of your thoughts behind the lyric challenge.  I am having a difficult time coming up with anything for this one myself so it's good to see so many responses, and good to see some newer members contributing.

 

Thinking back on some summertimes from my youth, there are songs I remember hearing, that when I hear them now, they come with those memories of swimming at the public pool, or an old girlfriend, or something unique that is tied to that song, that summer.  And that is what I think of when I see the "anthem"  association for this challenge.

 

I think that is why I've had a harder time with this one.  It's the hook that is always most important, and even more so with a song which seems tied to a period of life. 

 

 

[john]

Hey MP

 

I guess that was Bryan Adam's perspective on Summer of '69. A little more generic with Kid Rock's nostalgic but non-specific  "All Summer Long" based around the chords of "Sweet Home Alabama", and indeed it was a summer rock anthem which was all about the summers framed by "Sweet Hom Alabama" as an anthem. What next is in 20 years someone writes a song about the summer "All Summer Long" was the anthem? lol

 

When it comes to nailing a title. hook, message or theme, I find a series of questions will refine and clarify to the point that you can get a workable song plot. This can work for many songs, but you can customise the questions according to any fixed elements/requirements.

 

This is just on  approach (though there are several related ways to do this.

 

So we have a summer anthem as the theme / vehicle:

 

• What feeling do you want to evoke? Is the song positive or negative / desolate or hopeful / nostalgic or happy or angry etc?
• Our song could be backward looking, current, or forward looking, or some combination of those... which?
• Is it general, or about specific events/people? Is it personal to me?
• Is it first, second or third person?
• Do you want to convey a specific message to the listeners?

 

Now write a sentence that sums up the answers.

 

Use that to seed an idea sheet. My idea sheets may have short prose, phrases, words etc, but they tend to fill up with related words initially. The more evocative the better. If I can create a picture in my mind with scents and scenes, a sense of feel etc I can use that to populate the first idea sheet. The second idea sheet tends to look at creating phrases, related popular terms and phrases, even snippets of lines that may end up in the piece itself. I then underline those that most appeal and those most on topic and purpose. A great exercise can also be to do a page that would be about the opposite keywords message... because those words and phrases can often be twisted to your purpose. In fact, those can often be the ideas that create great hooks.

 

Out of interest, another great exercise is to take common phrases and the do a twist page, where you try to twist a specific phrase to a changing purpose:

 

Awesome:

Can leap small buildings in a single bound

 

Really awesome:

Can leap massive buildings in a single bound

 

Un-awesome:

Can't leap small buildings in a single bound

 

Really un-awesome:

Can't leap small ant hills in a million bounds

 

Sexy:

Can shake a small building in a single poll dance

 

Destructive:

Can destroy small buildings in a single step

 

and so on and on. It demonstrates that you can use common phrases in a very versatile way. WHy use a common phrase? Because:

 

• they are easy to remember.
• tweaked versions can often be very, very easy to remember... hook bait
• they bring a myriad of associated meanings. tweaking them can tweak all the associated meanings.

 

There's more but hey....

 

have you used a method to refine your ideas? Or were you just staring at the idea and staring at a blank page? Just out of interest.

 

Cheers

 

John

[Skin]

Im a bit betwix n between at the moment? got a couple of ideas but they seem to have fizzled out at the moment.

I will post when got a complete lyric?????? if that happens.

[Timbre]

Love summer anthems but didn't think I had one in me. Here goes!

Let Go

 

Verse 1
Burning wind across my skin
Hazy days are lingerin’
Summer’s calling us again
Baby, won’t you listen?

 

Chorus  1
It’s time to let go
And groove slow
Shake off all the shadows 
For the sunshine
It so fine
We’ll just dance this dance
So you can let go
And groove slow
Baby, don’t you know
It’s time to let go

 

Verse 2
Take off some of everything
Let’s swim out and float back in
‘Til stars are waking up again
And we get to kissin’
 

Chorus 2
It’s time to break free
Ya with me? (yeah!—audience shout)
Shake off all the shadows 
For the moonlight
Its alright
We’ll just dance this dance
So you can let go
And groove slow
Baby, don’t you know
It’s time to let go

 

Bridge
Boy/Girl its time
For days so fine
And nights like wine

 

Repeat Chorus 1
 

 

 

 

[john]

On 6 May 2016 at 2:25 PM, ames1212 said:

here is mine.

 

Summer time Days

 

 

Flowers are blooming, Birds are singing,

Spring is in the air.

Wind is Dancing, Butterflies prancing,

Blooms on the Bradford Pear.

Little birds flying, Blue skies shining.

Summer is around the bend.

Trees a swaying, children playing,

It’s time for winter’s end.

 

(Chorus)

It’s a dawn of a season,

Spring is the reason,

A smile is on my face.

Because summer’s on its way.

Oh I love those summertime days.

 

BBq grilling, Front porch chilling,

The season is almost here.

Sweet tea sipping, jump rope skipping,

Good times and lots of cheer.

Flip flops, tank tops,

And suntan lines,

T-tops, soda pop

It’s a grand old time.

 

(Chorus)

Beach trips, pool flips

It’s all fun and games.

Shorter pants, Hawaiian prints,

You’ll be glad you came.

Swimsuit time, tomatoes on the vine,

Fun is around the bend.

Dog walking, neighbors talking,

Hope it never ends.

(Bridge)

My favorite time of year,

It brings me lots of cheer,

I love those, I love those,

Oh I love those summertime days

 

( Chorus)

 

 

Amy Abernathy

 

 

Hey Amy

 

I like this, though I find your notation of sections a bit confusing.... Particularly what is the chorus.

 

Lyrically it doesn't feel very anthemic, but it is wonderfully visually evocative. You conjure summer days up very well although it is all very visual. To deepen the connection I would consider adding other senses, especially smell. For example you mention a BBQ... Why not include the word "sizzle", when you mention blooms why not the scent? Using senses to make and strengthen connection is key in an evocative piece. It's not enough to mention flowers or food, use evocative adjectives to really drive it home. Just my two cents (not scents  ).

 

Cheers

 

John

[john]

On 6 May 2016 at 4:49 PM, scotsman89 said:

first  time to post in challenge  summer time again

 

strolling on the sand
walking hand in hand
smiles on the faces
a good time to be had
surfers in the sea
bathers on the beach
music in the air
we are young and free

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

stuck indoors so long
but now winters gone
the sun is in the sky
lets go and have some fun
head down to the sea
that's where I want to be
meeting all my friends
and dancing on the beach

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

brg

life is far to short
let's live for today
make a lot of memories
that will never fade away
as the years go by
we will understand
at the goodtimes we had
right here in the sand

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

chorus

 

 

 

 

Hey Scotsman

 

Thanks for posting up a work for this challenge. I have a couple of observations and suggestions, really focused on your rhyme scheme.

 

Anthems tend to be very memorable, often involve repetition and the choruses often involve simple rhymes... All to make them very memorable. Thematically they also tend to express a dimple idea and emotion. Thematically you do that, but without repetition I think you are missing a trick by omitting a chorus rhyme. I would be tempted to go for ABCB or ABCC, so that you can keep the feel of what you have but leverage the benefits of rhyme.

 

Looking at the verses I can see an issue with your rhyme scheme.... It varies, meaning there is no real scheme employed. This can be a problem in most song forms, but the repetition of rhyme scheme in anthems is almost as important as the rhyme scheme in a nursery rhyme.

 

A big part of making something easy to remember is the use of repeats, either exact, or within a pattern such as rhyme. Break the pattern and the flow jars and sometime breaks. Don't get me wrong, used sparingly and deliberately it can be used to draw attention to a hook, but 99% of the time, sticking to the rhyme scheme can be the difference between a song working or not working... And that includes where no rhymes are used!

 

What you have, looking at line ends are:

 

AABCDEFD,  ABCDEEFG

 

As you can see, a big difference. Your bridge is a separate section. Assuming it is genuinely a bridge that is okay. It is only the verses that are at issue.

 

You may not think it matters, but it really would have an effect. People may not be able to tie down why, but it would jar.

 

I hope this helps.

 

Cheers

 

John

[john]

On 6 May 2016 at 0:39 AM, Amram said:

Been thinking about this one for a little while, but was inspired to put some finishing touches on it.

 

Before We're Too Old

 

Water droplets on the edge of a can.
Butterscotch kisses, turn on my jam.
I’ve got my worst pair of jeans and best set of shades,
lying in the sand sipping pink lemonade.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
We're red-dirt living on old, beach songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

 

My heart's beating faster like a bird in breeze,
the longer she's laughing and staring at me.
That girl's got my attention like the heat of day
my constant affection, like the sting of a ray.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
We're red-dirt living on coastal songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

 

Someday I'll save this moment somewhere in my mind, 
but today I'll live knowing you can only spend time.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
red-dirt living on coastal songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

 

Hey Amram

 

Very good! Loads of good aspects that meet the challenge. A couple of suggestions to consider... Like Amy, incorporate adjectives that involve more senses, to make something more evocative, easier to connect with. For example, a common summer scent is that of new mown grass. Mention the smell and in conjures a picture for many people. You can of course pick many summer smells, sights, sounds, textures etc. Songs like Hotel California, or California Dreaming do this very well

 

Two other items yo help build memorable snapshots... The use of color and the use of numbers. Both create very memorable elements in a song (Purple Rain, Party like its 1999, 99 Red Balloons). So consider a few tweaks here and there to lift it that bit more. All in all, a good draft!

 

Cheers

 

John

[ames1212]

On ‎5‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 11:24 AM, McnaughtonPark said:

Isn't that an old lyric of yours Amy?  I know I remember the, "Blooms on the Bradford pear" line, since it's my favorite line of all your lyrics.  But, I'm wondering where the challenge was for you if you simply go back and post a lyric you wrote prior to the challenge?  Sure would like to see new lyrics posted but I don't know the rules of the challenge.

 

Peace

 

 

This was one I wrote a while back, I had been working on it a bit recently. However I did not realize I had two songs named the same thing. I opened it and copied and pasted it with out really looking at it. This was one I wrote a while back, I did not know I posted it though. The new one is the same name and I meant to post that one. However I have been reworking this one a bit two. You have a good memory , because I don't remember posting it.lol.

Amy

[john]

On 7 May 2016 at 9:26 PM, Penkslyrics said:

Here's a new one, written especially for this.

 

Having Some Fun, In The Summer Sun

 

 

Hey come on, one and all, it's that time of the year

Temperature is rising, lets spread a little cheer

Invite your friends around, fire up the barbecue

Put on some party music, dance the whole day through

 

Cause it's time

Yeh it's time

 

For having some fun, in the summer sun

Somethings have just got to be done

Like having some fun, in the summer sun

 

Feeling those rays shine, makes the world seem less bleak

Hearing kids on the corner, playing hide and seek

Heading to the seaside, stops you feeling the lows

That wonderful feeling, of sand in your toes

 

Cause it's time

Yeh It's time

 

For having some fun, in the summer sun

Somethings have just got to be done

Like having some fun, in the summer sun

 

Now winter's darkness

Turned to sky's of blue

See of those long nights

Bid them all adieu

With a smile on your face

Feel the joy shine through

 

Cause it's time

Yeh it's time

 

For having some fun, in the summer sun

Somethings have just got to be done

Like having some fun, in the summer sun

 

 

 

 

Hi Penkslyrics

 

Quite a few good points here, especially the chorus. That works really well.

 

The only real suggestions I have are for the verses... The subjects are a little too much ratio of cliche to detail connection. By that I mean that cliche ideas work well in anthems but it is a fine balance imho. Using too much cliche can lose people. It might be better keeping some cliche ideas but embellishing them with detail, sense stimulation etc. Just a suggestion to consider.

 

Additionally, for thus kind of up beat summer anthem, stay positive... Don't reflect, don't "bring it down" in any way. Lines like "Feeling those rays shine, makes the world seem less bleak" may seem positive, but the mere fact it includes the word "bleak" takes the listener to an altogether less appealing place. While there is room for a reflective dynamic in many songs, I think fir summer anthems, simple, positive, up beat works best. So spin the second half of the line to convey that the Suns Ray's make the world even better... both your original and a new version about "even better" convey that times can be good and bad, but the original uses a stark dark place to illustrate it, while the concept of "even better" is all positive and upbeat.

 

I hope this helps!

 

Cheers

 

John

[ames1212]

On ‎5‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 11:49 AM, scotsman89 said:

first  time to post in challenge  summer time again

 

strolling on the sand
walking hand in hand
smiles on the faces
a good time to be had
surfers in the sea
bathers on the beach
music in the air
we are young and free

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

stuck indoors so long
but now winters gone
the sun is in the sky
lets go and have some fun
head down to the sea
that's where I want to be
meeting all my friends
and dancing on the beach

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

brg

life is far to short
let's live for today
make a lot of memories
that will never fade away
as the years go by
we will understand
at the goodtimes we had
right here in the sand

 

it's summertime  again
so come on everyone
head down to the beach
it's time to have some fun

 

chorus

 

 

 

I like this, it seems kind of fast and catchy. I would suggest one thing though, the last line of the chorus, Let's have us some fun. That makes it a little more personal to the listener.

Amy

[ames1212]

On ‎5‎/‎6‎/‎2016 at 7:39 PM, Amram said:

Been thinking about this one for a little while, but was inspired to put some finishing touches on it.

 

Before We're Too Old

 

Water droplets on the edge of a can.
Butterscotch kisses, turn on my jam.
I’ve got my worst pair of jeans and best set of shades,
lying in the sand sipping pink lemonade.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
We're red-dirt living on old, beach songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

 

My heart's beating faster like a bird in breeze,
the longer she's laughing and staring at me.
That girl's got my attention like the heat of day
my constant affection, like the sting of a ray.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
We're red-dirt living on coastal songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

 

Someday I'll save this moment somewhere in my mind, 
but today I'll live knowing you can only spend time.

 

Ashes to splashes, dust to dawn,
red-dirt living on coastal songs.
The campfire's burning and the water's still cold,
but we're gonna live young, before we're too old.

I really like this, I think a few changes can make this really good. Use a few descriptive words that you would not normaly use, describe things in a different way. It's a really good song.

[ames1212]

2 hours ago, john said:

 

Hey Amy

 

I like this, though I find your notation of sections a bit confusing.... Particularly what is the chorus.

 

Lyrically it doesn't feel very anthemic, but it is wonderfully visually evocative. You conjure summer days up very well although it is all very visual. To deepen the connection I would consider adding other senses, especially smell. For example you mention a BBQ... Why not include the word "sizzle", when you mention blooms why not the scent? Using senses to make and strengthen connection is key in an evocative piece. It's not enough to mention flowers or food, use evocative adjectives to really drive it home. Just my two cents (not scents  ).

 

Cheers

 

John

Thanks john,

Those were some very good suggestions!