bottom of the bottle

[scotsman89]

J Morrison  was going to be a lyric but don't think it will work 

 

the bottom of the bottle
that's where you'll find me
the  botttom of the bottle
is deeper than the sea
once you fall in it
you're gonna sink so deep
to the bottom of the bottle

 

at the end of a tunnel
you always see some light
at the bottom of the bottle
it's always dark as night
no matter where you look
there's no hope in sight
at the bottom of the bottle

 

the day that you left me
was the saddest day I've known
and I've known some sad ones
but now I'm all alone
so I started drinking
right here on my own
to the bottom of the bottle
that's how far I've gone

now the bottom of the bottle
is where you'll find me
fell right off the wagon
landing in a Liquer sea
I'll probably drown there
if you don't rescue me
from the bottom of the bottle

from the bottom of the bottle

 

I'm at the bottom of the bottle

 

 

 

 

 

 

[MPerry]

Hi John

 

Tight lyrics, would work as a song for sure, with the right music..as always professionally written and laid out.  Regards Mike

[scotsman89]

thanks mike . 

glad to see you are still posting hard reads . not just simple words but something to think about 

 

john

[Timbre]

John,

 

Really liking these lyrics! Great storytelling, imagery, and hook placement. 

On 7/9/2016 at 8:38 AM, scotsman89 said:

the bottom of the bottle
that's where you'll find me

Strong start that gets right to the heart of the matter with powerful imagery and the rest of the song builds on it.

On 7/9/2016 at 8:38 AM, scotsman89 said:

I'll probably drown there

Minor tweak: I'll probably drown here?--since directed to the person who left

 

Due to the variation in the lyrics I got a bit confused about which sections were intended to be chorus and which verse, but after a couple reads I believe the 1st and 4th sections are the chorus? Or are you still playing around with that aspect of it? If what you have here is chorus, verse, verse, chorus, I would suggest a final verse to round it out. What you have here is really fine work in my opinion.

~T

[scotsman89]

Timbre  thanks for read and reply

was going to be lyric but thought it didn't work well enough that is why I posted as a poem ,  no chorus as the hook would have been  bottom of a bottle which ends the verses except the  3rd which would have been the bridge .   

 

john

[Timbre]

John,

 

I took another look at this from a storytelling standpoint and with shuffling the sections around, it sorta fell into place for me. The section that seems like v1 for me has a slightly different rhyme scheme than the section that I put in the v2 position, but I still think it works. And the hook placement at the end of each verse and at the beginning and end of each chorus is strong. Just my take, but here's what I see:

 

Verse 1

the day that you left me
was the saddest day I've known
and I've known some sad ones
but now I'm all alone
so I started drinking
right here on my own
to the bottom of the bottle
(that's how far I've gone)--this line could be spoken to give it a storytelling feel but still part of the rhyme scheme; also justifies it coming after the hook rather than before without really stepping on the hook

 

Chorus 1

the bottom of the bottle
that's where you'll find me
the  botttom of the bottle
is deeper than the sea
once you fall in it
you're gonna sink so deep
to the bottom of the bottle

 

Verse 2

at the end of a tunnel
you always see some light
at the bottom of the bottle
it's always dark as night
no matter where you look
there's no hope in sight
at the bottom of the bottle

 

Chorus 2

now the bottom of the bottle
is where you'll find me
fell right off the wagon
landing in a Liquer sea
I'll probably drown there
if you don't rescue me
from the bottom of the bottle

from the bottom of the bottle

 

I'm at the bottom of the bottle

[scotsman89]

thanks Timbre

after your first post could see it needed changing to set the time line in order . you have done it so well

 

john

[Anonymous2021]

I love it.Its simple and elegant.Gives you a clear picture of the situation.Nice work buddy.

[scotsman89]

thank s A

glad you liked it

 

john