Love Song Challenge 3 - The Break Up

[Timbre]

Old News 

 

By Skin (Les)  and Timbre (Lisa)

 

Les invited me to collaborate on this challenge, so we wrote these lyrics over the past week. The central idea is that a guy finds out his relationship is over by seeing his girl in the newspaper and on tv with another guy. Critique away!

 

 

Intro

The headline said

You’ve found new love

I’m old news

And I’m the last to know 

 

Verse 1

You chased fame and fortune

I was your biggest fan

But now that you’ve made it

I’m not in your plans

 

The picture was hazy

But the words, crystal clear

Our love ended on the front page

I was the last to hear

 

Chorus

I'm small town

You're city lights

When our love was new

We shined so bright

 

I never dreamed

You'd leave me

Now I'm old news

In your new reality

I'm old news

 

 Verse 2

All our years together

Left a shadow of a doubt

Are we really over

Or can we turn this thing around/about (toss up between near or exact rhyme)

 

The answer to my questions

Is staring back at me

You’re hand in hand with someone else

On my TV screen

 

Chorus

I'm small town

You're city lights

When our love was new

We shined so bright

 

I never dreamed

You'd leave me

Now I'm old news

In your new reality

I'm old news

 

Bridge

At first you hurt my pride

Really mixed me up inside

Now I've come to realize

I love this life you left behind

 

Chorus 2

I'm small town

You're city lights

When our love was new

We shined so bright

 

I never dreamed

You could be

Old news 

In my new reality

You're old news

 

Outro

The headline said

You’ve found new love

I’m old news

And I’m the last to know

[JH Michaels]

You guys work well together...kind of a real cinderella story.  I would suggest " Or is there another route"  for verse two or something shortened like that (I know it could be pronounced "root").    It feels more rhythmic with the verse to me and when I sing it with some music it flows a little better. Other than that small nit, this is a nicely written set of lyrics.

[Skin]

Hi JH

Thanks for the read and nice comments.

It was good to work with Timbre on this enjoyed the exchange of ideas. 

Your idea could possibly work as i have heard route pronounced as the same rhyme as about.

 

Cheers

Les

 

 

 

[Timbre]

Hi, JH.

 

Glad you liked our write. It was a great experience. The "route" rhyme is a good idea. Excellent point about the pronunciation--I had to say it out loud a few times to figure out what pronunciation I tend to use , so its worth giving some more consideration.

 

~T

[The Rev Jaystone]

This is a song I wrote about a relationship coming to its conclusion. I wish I had a singer who'd wanna work on this and my many other songs. So check these lyrics out let me know. Ty The Rev. Jaystone

 

Falling

By The Rev Jaystone

 

and she says to me
why are you still here
have you not noticed
the sign are everywhere

Pre Chorus
and she has struck a nerve
took more than she deserved
stealing my heartbeat
gone but I'm breathing

Chorus
SO CAN YOU TAKE ME AWAY
MEMORIES I CAN'T ERASE
AND NO ONE CAN FEEL MY PAIN 
I FEEL LIKE IM FALLING

So tired of chasing

flowers that Wilt away

and she says to me

there is no other way

Pre Chorus
And she has struck a nerve

took more than she deserve
Stealing my heartbeat
Your arrows still piercing

Chorus
SO CAN YOU TAKE ME AWAY
MEMORIES I CAN'T ERASE
AND NO ONE CAN FEEL MY PAIN 
I FEEL LIKE I AM FALLING

 

[McnaughtonPark]

Bye-Bye Baby Bye-Bye

 

I sees the look in your eyes

Oh, this is gonna hurt

I know that look in your eyes

Lord, this is gonna hurt

"till they burry me out yonder

Too big a wound to nurse

 

Thought I caught you lyin'

'Bout a man coming 'round

Figure you was lyin' so as

Keep your man comin' 'round

I tried to be a big man

All I done was let you down

 

Ain't no bigger sorrow

See your bags outside the door

Ain't no bigger sorrow no no

Then them bags outside the door

Bus take ya down to Jessuh

Won't be comin back no more

 

Lord don't leave me lonely

how long I got to die

Lord don't leave me lonely no more

Jus how long before I die

my love done cross the river

Bye-bye baby bye-bye

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[JH Michaels]

On ‎7‎/‎28‎/‎2016 at 2:20 PM, The Rev Jaystone said:

This is a song I wrote about a relationship coming to its conclusion. I wish I had a singer who'd wanna work on this and my many other songs. So check these lyrics out let me know. Ty The Rev. Jaystone

 

Falling

By The Rev Jaystone

 

and she says to me
why are you still here
have you not noticed
the sign are everywhere

Pre Chorus
and she has struck a nerve
took more than she deserved
stealing my heartbeat
gone but I'm breathing

Chorus
SO CAN YOU TAKE ME AWAY
MEMORIES I CAN'T ERASE
AND NO ONE CAN FEEL MY PAIN 
I FEEL LIKE IM FALLING

So tired of chasing

flowers that Wilt away

and she says to me

there is no other way

Pre Chorus
And she has struck a nerve

took more than she deserve
Stealing my heartbeat
Your arrows still piercing

Chorus
SO CAN YOU TAKE ME AWAY
MEMORIES I CAN'T ERASE
AND NO ONE CAN FEEL MY PAIN 
I FEEL LIKE I AM FALLING

 

Hi Rev,

You've got the right idea going here and I particularly like the line "so tired of chasing flowers that wilt away"  However, the rest, I feel is low on content.  With just two small verses, you aren't saying much, it almost feels over before you've really started if that makes sense.  Take a look at all the previous lyrics, there is so much that can and should be said, thought or felt in such a personal disaster as a break-up. I think this song should be expanded to give it more depth.  Just my 2 cents and keep at it!   

[The Rev Jaystone]

Ty for critique it's how I wrote the music to it. The chorus comes in with the hook. Anthemic sounding if that makes sence. But I could give lyrics more depth. I tried to write it simple but ty 

[Vagdavercustis]

 

 

Part of my past

Verse:
We're just strangers
Pretending to know each other
Even with all this anger and sadness in my eyes
You can't seem to understand
That I'm tired of this lies
Everything I love eventualy dies

Verse:
We're slowly dying
Like a candle burning out
We have made a home build on hopes and doubt
The hopes you took down
I can only stand here and shout
Hoping that you could find out

Chorus:
I'm the only one fighting
But I've never been a knight
Not a princess waiting for mister right
Just a girl in love
Hoping you would be her last
If you just sit their inside your silence
This all will be a part of my past

Bridge:
We're becomming ashes
Of the fire that used to burn
Too much water pouring down from my cheeks
If I drown or swim
If I lose or win
You just stand aside
Thinking about ways to hide
From the dissapointment in my eyes

 

Chorus:
I'm the only one fighting
But I've never been a knight
Not a princess waiting for mister right
Just a girl in love
Hoping you would be her last
If you just sit their inside your silence
This all will be a part of my past

 

Chorus:
I'm the only one fighting
But I've never been a knight
Not a princess waiting for mister right
Just a girl in love
Hoping you would be her last
But you just sit their inside your silence
And now you're a part of my past

Edited August 25, 2016 by Vagdavercustis

[ALOPRODUCTIONZ]

                        verse1

I remember better times 
When our love, was still alive
Then i could see, Reflective gazes from your eyes
You claimed  our love would never die
Together,  you and me would rise
Now tears are pouring from, my eyes

 

                      verse 2

I see you falling through the skies
With my love, i gripped you tightly
And for a long time I, could pull you from his lies 
Which makes me sad to see, you fall for his disguise
Now i see you falling, falling through the skies

 

                  verse 3
Falling through the skies
Spiraling round,
Carried down  and around
Like autumn leaves, pulled from the breeze
I stand still,like a motionless tree
A witness of my love,  taken from me

 

              chorus x2
I'm feeling cold, My heart hurts 
your escape from this relationship was untold
To think, Where will you go
You make my heart hurt

Edited August 29, 2016 by ALOPRODUCTIONZ

[RikGrimesIsDead]

I’M FALLING

 

 

(CHORUS)

 

Cause baby…..I'm falling…..I'm falling down so hard

Baby I’m calling

For help to fight this fight and hold me through the night

And never leave meeeeee

Cause baby I’m falling.

 

Against the cage as blows rain down upon me

Blood on my face black and blue from the beating

I can’t feel the pain anymore

Its just the way I’m feeling

 

(CHORUS)

 

I have a battle with life … oh baby its winning

Since the day you left my heads a mess and I’m quitting

I don’t want to see the light of day cause i really don’t deserve it

It will only be filled with pain

Cause baby you aint in it

 

I see this gun and think to myself…pull the triggerrrrr

Don't understand why people still point the fingerrrrr

Cause they don’t know me and they don’t know us

The things we went through

The way i love you

 

(CHORUS)

 

Tired of feeling alone, empty and broken

Eyes feeling heavy as i inhale the smoke in

Can’t rid this feeling of hurt and despair

Especially with the words I’m hearing

Cause i know its the haze putting my head in a daze

Makes me hurting…

 

(CHORUS)

 

I’m falling (x5)

Help me fight this fight

I’m calling (x5)

Hold me through the night

 

Hold me through the night…. cause baby I’m falling 

[Terry Cox]

Think of "dont think twice its alright "

 

Silver Peckerwood Tree 

by Terry Cox

 

 

My first love was kissing a girl in a chicken coop by the sea

Long grass  , barbed wire , by the old silver peckerwood tree.

I was 5 years old when I asked her to marry me.              

We laughed and kissed  like on  the old black n white TV 

We whispered our promises so quietly .

it was  the pattern I would repeat , my heart would break repeatedly 

But I kept going back for more    

cause life without love aint worth living for 

 

As the years went  we had our separate lives 

She went to the city , I  drove cattle out west for awhile

But every time I smelled the ocean breeze   

I heard those whispered promises she made to  me .

Second chances come along , and country music can’t be wrong .

So ring that bell of sweet loves song.

 

The next love of my life opened my eyes to what it could be 

It was passion , it was purpose and responsibility       

We were young , she had a kid . I loved them both. With all I had 

But a  night out with friends turned it all  around  for me 

that was a lesson in humility 

Stupid  Mistakes , my self worth and  discovery .

 

There is no concession if you own the trust 

You break someones heart , that's a San Andres  bust .

You rage and rage ,  late night bus shelter cage  .

Smelling of puke , girl sweat and bourbon , 

Just a trichotomy of your sexual session.

Never tell her all that happened 

But she knows  , she knows 

A women in love  ,  she lets it flow 

Cause Women know what Women want 

Men are all good intentions  ,  who act without thought 

 

 

Edited December 5, 2016 by Terry Cox