Eternal Sorrow

[VladM]

I have recently written a new song that could become a viable single after more production. Lyrics below the link text:

 

[

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Verse

Dreams are made alone
Ghosts whisper through through her broken home
I thought I had an out
Insecure, brooding, drowning in the crowd

 

Verse

They came at me with force
Paranoid vampires showing no remorse
Stumbled and bemused
All this lonely dreaming has her feeling used

 

Chorus

Walking through the valley of bloody suicides
I've lost the easy answer, I'm fighting for my life
Driftin through a portal of morbid fallen dreams
All emotions dead, soul ripping at the seams

 

Verse

Opened my eyes chained
Arms numbing, needles in my veins
Unleash a scream or sigh
Equally silent to these beings of blight

 

Chorus

Saw my dying day in my waking mind
These shackles are eternal, rage is shooting blind
Saw my waking lifetime unfolding in the flames
losing blood so quickly they think that its a game

 

Verse

Relief slowly comes
Broken nervous system, feeling on the run
Shrug and walk away
Their hidden faces leering, pampering their graves

 

Chorus

This cycle cannot break until a change is made
I'm empty on ideas, distrubuting the blame
Suspended and eternal this cycle cannot die
Until I am taken from this wretched life

[TripMX]

The story that you're telling is quite horrific, but your delivery with the guitar and vocals just don't seem to match up enough for a strong impact that your story/lyrics implies.

[MonoStone]

I like it. I like the way the style/mood isn't typical for the words (or vice versa) and yet it works. Good tune and I like your voice very much.

 

It would be interesting to hear with some subtle additions to the arrangement, even if it remains mainly voice + acoustic there's room for background 'stuff'.

 

Cool song!

[jenellegarrett]

Willing to do any to please someone you love. Rather it be embarassing yourself, or being extremely romantic. 
 

[Utopia]

I know you didn't ask for opinions at any point but I'm going to give mine anyway. I really like the melody and the rhythm of the song. However your pitch is not on point but that can be worked on. Also in the chorus I would have wanted to hear some contrast to the verse. Maybe long chords or something. On an ideal level this could really get somewhere though.

[bri]

Not the happiest song I ever heard. The lyrics did seem to clash with the melody in quite a meeting of contrasts. Thought your voice was very reminiscent of Donovan. But... I liked it, although I have no idea where you could take it.