The Coffee House Thread

[starise]

I figured it might be nice to have a place where being silly isn't frowned upon.:) Things seem to be kinda serious in some of the other areas. Yes I have contributed to that in some cases.So it might be nice to be unserious sometimes too  Just sayin'

 

So if you have a joke to tell lets hear it. The only time I get laughs is usually by accident, but hey, they're still laughs right?

I know the moderation is kinda loose here, but I would hope that we can attempt to keep it fairly clean since we could have anyone on the boards.

So lets hear your jokes or attempts at jokes...or not.....or....whatever

 

 

[Rudi]

All time favourite:

 

Why are there no asprin in the jungle?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The parrots eat 'em all

[Guest Rob Ash]

12 minutes ago, Rudi said:

 

The parrots eat 'em all

 

Ach!

 

Rudi, Rudi, Rudi! That is so very bad. That's so bad it's delicious.

 

Shall I PM you and tell you why that joke is humorous?

[Rudi]

I think it funny because its silly.

 

If it needs to be a PM it must be something that would violate the boards protocol !

PM if you must, but you know how very sensitive I am.

[Guest Rob Ash]

Okay, here's one that is a teeny bit risque'..... nothing pornographic, but, well, if it doesn't fly here, I'll start a similar thread in The Pit and we'll do juicier ones there.

 

 

 

Little Johnny was watching his brother, Big Johnny one day. Big Johnny was sitting in his Chevrolet with Big Janey. The two were sitting in the back seat.

 

Big Johnny said; (in big, full manly voice) "Big Janey, I want what I want when I want it."

 

Little Johnny thought this was SO COOL! So he grabbed Little Janey, put her in his little red wagon, and took her up to the top of the hill.

 

Little Johnny said; (in high, piping voice) "Little Janey, I want what I want when I want it!"

 

To which Little Janey replied; (in slightly higher, piping voice) "Little Johnny, you'll get what I got when I get it!"

 

 

Here's another:

 

 

Little Johnny was watching his brother Big Johnny one day. Big Johnny was sitting in his Chevrolet with Big Janey. The two were sitting in the back seat.

 

Big Johnny said; "Big Janey, either put out or get out!"

 

Little Johnny thought this was SO COOL! So he grabbed Little Janey, put her in his little red wagon, and took her to the top of the hill.

 

Little Johnny said; "Little Janey, either out out or get out!"

 

Little Janey responded; "Alright, Little Johnny, I'll put out."

 

Little Johnny scratched his head and thought; "Now what the hell do I do???"

 

My favorite uncle told me these when I was about 12. They were just risque enough to seem hilarious to me at that age. My uncle was the black sheep on my father's side of the family. For all of his adult life, he dressed like a cross between a one percenter biker and a long haul OTR truck driver. He also drew highly detailed pencil drawings of beautiful naked women. He had collected every issue of Eerie magazine, Creepy magazine, and Vampirella. He had boxes full of old Playboy, Oui, and Penthouse magazines. My uncle was less than scrupulous about preventing me from accessing this wonderful and educational collection.

 

My cousin Doug, one year my senior, and I, as boys age nine through about age oh, fourteen or fifteen, used to beg to sleep over at my uncle's house when I was in town with my family for a visit.

 

 

[starise]

I had an uncle that was similar to that too. 

 

Rudi I'm still trying to get the parrot joke. It isn't you I'm sure...It's me trying to get it.

 

I know another joke about  asprin .You may or may not have heard it.

 

There was a lady in the city boarding a city bus and she had a handful of asprins. After boarding the bus she accidentally dropped them on the bus floor...she got really frustrated and started to scream " My ASPRINS MY ASPRINS!!!

 

The bus driver jumped out of his seat trying to comfort her and said, " Lady if it burns that bad, I'll grab some water and try to put it out".

[Guest Rob Ash]

Two boys of about age 8 or 9 were playing on the side of the street when a police officer rode by on his motorcycle. The cop noticed the boys had some kind of metal container from which they were poring a clear liquid onto a small fire they had apparently started. Each time they did this, the fire would blaze up considerably higher for a few seconds.  As the cop drew nearer to the boys and their small inferno, he noticed that the container was in fact a quarter gallon can of turpentine.

 

"Careful, boys!" said the cop. "I rubbed some of that on a woman's belly once and she passed a baby."

 

"That ain't nothin'," replied one of the boys, as the other looked on with a toothy grin. "I rubbed some of that stuff on a cat's ass once, and it passed a motorcycle big as yours!"

[starise]

Poor cat! ......

 

 

 

 

[starise]

21 hours ago, Rudi said:

 

All time favourite:

 

Why are there no asprin in the jungle?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The parrots eat 'em all

 

Who knows, they might capture one of these parrots and sell it. We could have parrots with asprin overdose issues. Thin blood, stuff like that.......right?

[MonoStone]

This is a joke my daughter invented aged 4 -

 

Why did the tiger sit at the table?

 

..... To eat its dinner.

 

 

[Just1L]

I still remember laughing at this when I was really little and my Grandma told it to me.

 

Son: Mommy, Mommy! Kid's are calling me a Werewolf.

Mom: Shut up and comb your face.

[Just1L]

22 hours ago, RobAsh15 said:

Okay, here's one that is a teeny bit risque'..... nothing pornographic, but, well, if it doesn't fly here, I'll start a similar thread in The Pit and we'll do juicier ones there.

 

Little Johnny was watching his brother, Big Johnny one day. Big Johnny was sitting in his Chevrolet with Big Janey. The two were sitting in the back seat.

 

I was expecting Johnny Deeper.

[Guest Rob Ash]

Just now, Just1L said:

 

I was expecting Johnny Deeper.

 

I must know a dozen Little Johnny jokes. Some are benign, like the two I posted here, but many are far more adult in nature...

[starise]

3 hours ago, MonoStone said:

This is a joke my daughter invented aged 4 -

 

Why did the tiger sit at the table?

 

..... To eat its dinner.

 

 

That's pretty brainy for a child of 4.

 

 

Edited August 18, 2016 by starise

[starise]

Just1L- 

 

Are you afraid to take your shirt off at the beach? This makes sense...kinda.

[starise]

 

[starise]

 

[starise]

[starise]

Imagination 10.....tact -25

 

[Rudi]

There was an old gent from Strathclyde

Who ate rotten apples and died.

The apples fermented

Inside the lamented

And made cider inside his inside.