scotsman89

escape

8 posts in this topic

J Morrison   (C)  November 2016   - think this flows  ok ( well to the tune in my head anyway LOL  )

 

escape 

 

with my nose to the glass
I'd be outside looking in
watching the  rich folk dance
wishing I was one of them

 

but I was just a poor kid
from the wrong side of town
and no matter what I did
my prospects numbered none

 

but then again I had a plan

 

you'd find me on a corner
my hat there on the street
thankful for every quatrter
that the people threw for me

 

I wrote songs about my life
of all the things I knew
mostly trouble and strife
but it was just the truth

 

but then again  I had a plan

 

saved up all the cash I made
bought a ticket for the train
the one that's going to save
me from this poverty

 

yes my friend that's my plan 

 

now I've hit the big time
all the friends I never knew
say they were friends of mine
but not one word's  the truth


they'd see me on the corner
then stay to laugh and jeer
now  they say we were friends
but they can kiss my rear
 


to all of my never  friends

let me make it clear

and say to all of them

 you can kiss my rear

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by scotsman89
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Like this John does flow nice and a good story line.

I wondered in the section you could use the saying about gravey train instead of ooverty?

Just a thought and enjoyed the read.

 

Les

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thanks les

for read and tip

 

john

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Hello,

I like what you wrote. I think it's good. I will just say since you want to be critiqued that

maybe you could take it in a different direction at the end of the song. You say kiss my

rear which is fine, but it sounds like you're still bitter even though you have now hit the big

time. It creates a bit of a paradox between what you write and what you feel. Please, it's not wrong

what you wrote; nothing is wrong, but It makes it sound like hitting the big time is still being

overshadowed by what people thought of you then instead of who you are now.

 

David

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I LOVE THIS  and I LOVE THE  ENDING  [smiley=moon.gif]

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ZY

thanks for read and welcome to site .    the ending is not intended to say the writer is bitter  just look at me where I am now .  none of you were friendly but now I'm your best friend no way.    and you can kiss my rear .

 

john

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Hello, thank you for welcoming me. I understand you point of view from the song.

That's all I guess I was asking. Thank you for being kind. Being new here

it's a little hard to know what to say or quite how to say it. So thank you.

 

David

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Teek

thanks for read and kind words

 

john

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