sgtsoul

PAINT THINGS IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT

8 posts in this topic

                        PAINT THINGS IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT

 

 

 

(V1)   Forgive me, if I'm staring your way, 

 

          but you're burning holes in me and i can't look away...

 

          Like a painting in a gallery, yeah, your eyes follow me.

 

          You're the prettiest picture nature ever drew,

 

          so what's an art lover like me to do. ..?

 

          But let your light wash over me.

 

 

 

(CH1) Flock of feathers in the setting sun, turning pink to red,

 

           Another summer day is almost done and put to bed.

 

           And as I lay beside you, yeah you make it all seem right,

 

           Yeah, you Paint Things In A Different Light! 

 

 

 

(V2)   And when that setting sun strikes the locket on your chest,

 

           if I could have my way I'd have time stop pause at my request... 

 

           Heart of gold, alight bright and bold.

 

           Like a big blue moon bringing day to night,

 

           I'm lookin' out through your big blue eyes...

 

           Life anew, on debut, and nothings old

 

 

 

(CH2) Paint a window on the wall you'd paint a door there too,

 

           You'd paint me there beside you and then you'd walk us through,

 

           And you'd paint that flock of birds above us taking flight,

 

           Yeah...you Paint Things In A Different Light! 

 

 

 

(BR)  No way with words or painters brush, 

 

          Does justice to your sunset blush,

 

          And I know...

 

          Fireworks blow and neon lights that glow,

 

          Are always gunna be in your shadow,

 

          So.......

 

 

 

(V3) Forgive me, if I'm staring at you,

 

         In the blink of an eye your beautys shining through...

 

         Like a photo in negative, close my eyes and colours breathe. 

 

 

 

 

 

(Repeat CH1 and fade out)

 

 

 

    

 

           

 

 

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How's it going sgtsoul.  Been a while since you've been around, I looked at your profile to see what kind of critique you like but for some reason didn't find it.

 

So, is there anything in particular you want to have critiqued or just in general?

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Hello, I guess you want feedback? It looks like others have given some in the past.

I like the subject matter, and I think it stays the course. I will just make a suggestion

for verse 2. The first 2 lines are a little wordy compared to the other measures in that 

verse. It's also confusing to open the verse by saying, " And when that setting sun".

And implies an addition to something else, but this is to start the verse. Do you see what I mean?

You write: And when that setting sun strikes the locket on your chest,

                 if I could have my way I'd have time stop pause at my request... 

It's a little confusing and wordy, especially (time stop pause).

Maybe you could write something like:

When the setting sun strikes the locket you wear,

I'd pause time with no moment to spare.

 

Just a suggestion, David

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Cheers David....The stop/ pause is actually a typo. I replaced one with the other , just cannot remember which one i preferred (probably pause) . Also meant to drop "alight", that was the line that struck me as too wordy funnily enough. Embarrassing that i didn't catch that in the proof read. The "and" starting the verse....given the whole song is written as one person talking to another.  In a conversation, "and" is a natural progression from one point to the next. Its not as though we stick to verses, chorus and paragraphs when conversing :) 

 

Whatever you see, say McNP :)

 

Thanks guys

 

Edited by sgtsoul

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Hi McNP, thanks for the welcome back. Been working a lot and squeezing in writing whenever i can. Excited about a few of the things coming along

in the book :)

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1 hour ago, sgtsoul said:

The stop/ pause is actually a typo. I replaced one with the other

I wonder which will work better too.  You have to sing those into the lyric and figure that one out.  Both words have a tricky part, the st in stop, and the p in pause.  Singing stop, stops the motion of the melody while p is merely a plosive that you just have to be careful not to push too hard on the sharp edge.  If you can fit wait in there instead it may sing better.

Edited by McnaughtonPark

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Hi sgtsoul,

 

Really like the light-hearted comfortable feel your lyric gives. 

 

"Pause" worked great for me when reading.

Enjoy your work,

Peggy

 

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I like it but would like to hear what your melody is like. Are you ready to do a rough recording?

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