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Leo

'Reach out' by Leo Sherman

8 posts in this topic

A project ive done as a lyricist.

What do you think?

 

Reach out

I don't need nobody to hold my hand, 
I just need somebody to understand, 
Are you standing on my side, reach out, 
It's the little things that I, seek but, Can't find, 

I've been doing plenty but my own way, 
And I know that someday I'll get my pay, 
Can you open up your mind, reach out, 
It's the little things that I, seek but, Can't find, 

I've got mixed emotions about this race, 
So for now I'm waiting for my last place, 
Can you slow down to my time, Reach out 
It's the little things that I, seek but, Can't find,

Edited by Leo

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It like it. Just one thought ...instead of using place twice... try switching one ..

 

 "I 've got mixed emotions about this place,  (pace or race)
So for now I'm waiting for my last place, " (race)

 

Cheers 

Peggy

 

 

 

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Thanks Peggy.

So true, I will change the first apperance to race, I think.

 

It works both as a race(compettion) and as human race. Nice.

 

Love SongStuff allready

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just an idea...keep or sweep

 

i've been doing plenty of what i say

i don't think it will always be this way

 

i got mixed emotions about this place

but for now i'm still making my own choice

 

 

Edited by ddmmdd

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I like it, too. And I like the word race used as the second "place." It gives an interesting contrast to the next line, where you say "slow down" to my time, and makes you think. Or even better, you could switch the two, making race first and place second, which would make more sense with the third line.

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I liked this. I had a few tweaks below to keep or sweep. Also, I kept tripping over the last line of each stanza b/c the punctuation interrupted the flow for me. Maybe that line works with the rhythm of the music if you already have it.  ~T

 

I've been doing plenty but my own way, 
And I know that someday I'll have to pay, 
Can you open up your mind, reach out, 
It's the little things that I, seek but, Can't find, 

I've got mixed emotions about this race, 
So for now I'm waiting in last place, 
Can you slow down to my time, Reach out 
It's the little things that I, seek but, Can't find,

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The use of place as its own rhyme was the only thing that stood out to me.  You'll have a nice lyric here once you update that.  Can't wait to hear it!

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Back up Timbre 's input here. Last lines got an unnecessary hurdle.

It's the little things that I, seek but, can't find.

Maybe

It's the little things I seek, but can't find.

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